“Next time we have class, I’ll get his number and see if he wants to meet up with us some night.”
When Macy speaks, it shocks us into silence again. “That’s very kind of you.”
I shrug it off. “It’s no big deal. The more friends, the better. Right, Dee?”
“As long as this Leti doesn’t try to steal my best girl, I’m golden.” She sucks down a vanilla milkshake.
I grin at her and then at Macy. “Thanks again for letting me stay with you, Macy.”
“Thank you for inviting me out tonight.”
“Mace,” Dee cuts in, shifting in her seat to face Macy, who is sitting beside her, pressed against the chipped yellow wall. “Let me ask you a question. You know Ro is staying with us because her scumbag piece-of-shit ex-boyfriend cheated on her, right?” Macy nods. “Well, don’t you think she deserves to get some type of revenge? Flatten his tires or something? I mean, they were together for three years.”
Macy gazes across the table at me. “I think Rowan is taking the higher road. It’s an admirable quality.”
“Higher road,” Dee scoffs. “I’d like to catch him on a higher road,” she mumbles, “and drive him right off it.”
Macy and I both chuckle, and Dee finishes off the last of her milkshake. After she drives us back to her dorm, I pull a textbook onto my lap. The heavy weight is comforting, reminding me of simpler times, when the only thing I had to worry about was homework. Homework, I can do. Homework, I can bury myself in. I fall asleep with the textbook on my lap and Dee’s knee jutting into my thigh. Much-needed sleep trumps the plan to go get my car, but it’s not like I’ll need it anytime soon anyway.
The next morning, I have to wake up earlier than Dee for my morning classes—she refused to take anything before 11 o’clock—so I try to keep quiet as I get ready for school. My first class is English 101. Then I have math, followed by an hour-and-a-half-long break during which I grab lunch in Lion’s Den, and then I head to Benton Hall for history class with Dee.
If all three classes were about a certain brown-haired rocker boy with ungodly skilled lips, I’d ace them with no problem. But as it stands, I’m pretty sure I’m going to fail.
My thoughts are back on Adam’s tour bus, and they travel to that black satin bed. In history class, I chew on the end of my pencil, simultaneously regretting the moment and wishing I could go back and live it all over again. Making out with him had been so, so out of character for me. Before Adam, I’d only ever kissed two guys other than Brady. One was in fifth grade, so I’m not even sure if that counts, and the other was a guy I went on a few group dates with when I was a freshman, before Brady and I ever got together.
I have no idea why I’ve been thinking about Adam so much, probably even more than Brady. Maybe it’s my brain’s way of trying to protect itself from all the emotions I refuse to feel over the way Brady betrayed me. I loved him, I really did. But after seeing him with that girl . . . I almost feel like I never truly knew him. The Brady I knew never would have hurt me like that.
In a way, it feels like the boy I loved died, and part of me has accepted that . . . because when someone dies, there’s nothing you can do to bring them back. The only thing you can do is let them go.
Dee and I walk from the building with some guy who she’s apparently gotten friendly with from one of her other classes. My phone beeps again, and I peek at it while Dee talks the poor guy’s ear off. Brady again. Of course. All it says is “I miss you,” and it’s the simplest text he’s sent me so far—and the one that chokes me up the worst. His texts are like daily hauntings, apparitions reminding me of everything I lost.
“I’ll see you guys later,” I say, and then I’m practically speed-walking back to Dee’s dorm before anyone can catch me.
The minute I get back to the room, I change into sweat pants and one of my dad’s old work T-shirts. When Dee arrives later, I have a carton of Rocky Road in my lap and I’m staring off into space. She grabs a spoon and dips it in next to mine, but she doesn’t ask any questions. Which is good, because I sure as hell don’t have any answers.
Chapter Six
AT 3 A.M., I’m lying awake next to Dee. Eight hours until I see Adam again.
Eight. freaking. hours.
Eight turns into seven, and seven turns into six. By the time the alarm goes off, my eyes are red from sleep deprivation, but I hop out of bed like I’ve been lying on coals. After a quick shower, I stare down at the stacks of clothes that line almost an entire wall of Dee’s dorm room. It sucks not having a dresser or any closet space for my stuff, but beggars can’t be choosers. It’s time to figure out what I’m going to wear today.