Sodar frowned. ‘You have to, or you want to?’
‘Both! What’s wrong with that? Sodar, I want to be an avatar and live at the Academy. I’ve said this before. I want to stay here and marry Myjun – to have a life of my own.’
‘Is this all about Myjun?’
Maybe.
‘No!’ Annev snapped, more forcefully than he’d intended. ‘But I don’t like being told what to do, and I’m not going to run away just because Tosan wants you to retire. Maybe you should retire. You can work on your manuscripts while I take over church services. You’ve already agreed it’s safer inside the village than out there. There’s no reason for us to leave.’
Sodar shook his head, a sad smile on his lips. ‘So naive. Annev, what do you think Tosan meant by “relieved of my duties”?’
‘Exactly what he said.’
Sodar sniffed. ‘I thought you were smarter than that.’
Annev’s voice dropped to a whisper. ‘You think he means to kill you?’
Sodar nodded. ‘It wouldn’t be the first time he’s bloodied his hands.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Tosan didn’t become Eldest of Ancients by accident – he’s been weeding out his competition for years. When Elder Winsor died a year ago, Ancient Grim should have replaced him, but he died the year before.’
Annev’s eyes widened. ‘You think Tosan poisoned him?’
‘Shhh! Not so loud.’ Sodar glanced at the front and back doors. ‘Besides, I never said poison. A well-placed pillow works just as well and can be twice as fast, and I have no proof – just my gut. Which says it was no accident Tosan became Headmaster of the Academy. But that’s beside the point, which is this: if Tosan means you to replace me as Chaenbalu’s spiritual leader, he will find a permanent way to keep me from influencing you or anyone else in the village.’
Annev shook his head. He didn’t want to believe it, but in the last forty-eight hours the headmaster had ordered him to kill a pedlar, a merchant, and a fellow Master Avatar. He’d even implied that Kenton and Fyn were expendable resources. Sodar’s hunch seemed more than plausible, however little he liked it.
‘No. You’re just saying that to convince me not to go. You never wanted me to be an avatar – you’ve said as much – you want me to leave everything I care about for your prophecy. To sacrifice my life just because you’ve sacrificed yours.’ Sodar shook his head, but the words were tumbling out as fast as Annev could form them.
‘Something good finally happened to me – I finally found my place – and you want to twist it into something bad. You want me to be Breathanas. But I’m not him! You want proof you haven’t wasted your life – or my parents’ lives!’ Tears ran freely down Sodar’s cheeks and Annev could feel his own hot tears threatening. He blinked them away, defiant.
‘I’m going on this mission – and then I’m staying in Chaenbalu.’
Sodar’s gaze slid away and the room fell silent. When he finally spoke, his voice was so soft Annev almost didn’t hear him. ‘Then we are both dead, and I’ve truly wasted my life.’ He stared at his hands, clasped lightly in front of him, as if uncertain what to do with them.
His old, wrinkled hands, Annev thought, wavering slightly. Those hands saved me. They fed me and clothed me.
Sodar retreated to his room, leaving his manuscript, robes and Annev behind. Annev stared dumbly at the empty room, uncertain what to do. He even took a step towards Sodar’s open door then stopped.
It has to be this way, he told himself. Or he’ll tangle me in his dead prophecies. Convince me I’m special so he can control me. I’ll never be my own person if I always do as he says.
But then, wasn’t he just doing as Tosan said?
Annev cast his dark thoughts aside. He had always wanted to be an avatar – a Master Avatar – and now he had his wish. He opened the door to his own chamber, ran to his clothes chest, and flung open the lid. Away from Sodar, his tears poured freely, streaming down his cheeks as he tried to sniff them back. He reached into the chest and began emptying it. He’d take everything – clothes and possessions alike – because he was never coming back here.
Annev stopped mid-toss and looked at the crumpled beige tunic in his hand. He huffed, almost managed a smile, and dropped it back in the chest.
I don’t need any of this. They’ll fit me out with more Master Avatar clothes after Regaleus. I just need Crag’s lantern and my weapons. He eased the chest closed and went back to the kitchen.
Sodar and Annev walked in at the same moment, and though the priest’s eyes were dry he avoided eye contact. He pushed his manuscript aside, making room for the supplies he carried, then set down Sraon’s axe.
‘You’ll be needing this,’ he said, not looking up. ‘It’s yours.’
‘Thank you.’
Sodar flinched then pulled an opaque glass bottle from his arms. ‘Drink half of this,’ he said, placing the bottle beside the axe. ‘Initially, it will make your thoughts fuzzy and you will feel sleepy. Don’t fight it. If you do, you will feel worse.’
‘Why?’
Sodar paused, staring at the bottle. ‘It will help you stay awake for your mission. If you allow the elixir to do its work, you’ll feel refreshed. Your senses will be sharper and you’ll feel more alert.’ He looked up, making eye contact for the first time. ‘Don’t drink it all at once. Your body needs time to recover, and if you push too hard there are some nasty side-effects.’
Annev nodded. ‘Thank you,’ he said again.
Sodar ignored him, returning his attention to the crimson bundle in his arms. He pulled out the sword with its sky-blue corded hilt and silver sheath.
‘Mercy is yours, too,’ he said, setting the magic sword on the table. ‘It will be discovered at the Academy, but perhaps you can hide it in the nave.’
Annev stared at the blade, eager to take it, but he found himself shaking his head. ‘It will be safer here, outside the Academy. You should keep it for now.’
Sodar’s expression was suddenly hard. ‘I have to leave, Annev. The village is no longer safe. I don’t know how long Tosan will allow me to stay, and I don’t intend to wait and find out.’ He glanced down at the sword, running a hand over its ornate silver sheath. ‘If I can, I will go tonight, before you return from your mission.’
Annev’s voice caught in his throat. ‘But … your prophecy. How can you watch over me if you leave?’
‘From a distance, I expect. Or not at all. In either case, you shouldn’t concern yourself. You don’t believe in that nonsense, and you’ve been very clear that you can take care of yourself.’ Sodar laid the folded phoenix banner on the table beside the other items. ‘I can’t help you if you choose to stay in Chaenbalu. But I won’t force you to leave either.’ He tugged his beard and glanced between the banner on the table and Annev’s glove. ‘She did a good job, didn’t she?’