Julia left Ellie standing there and moved toward Alice. Coming up behind the girl, Julia touched her shoulder.
Alice turned around and peered up at Julia through eyes so dark and unfathomable they seemed to reflect the endless night sky.
Julia knelt in the damp grass. “Talk to me, Alice. What are you feeling right now? You don’t need to be afraid. You’re safe here.”
The night is full of noises. Sometimes it is so loud that girl has trouble hearing the quiet that lies beneath. It has always been like that for her. She has to work hard at not hearing the animals, the insects, the wind, and the leaves. She needs to close her eyes and listen to her own heartbeat until that’s all there is. Even in the dark she sees too much—a spider crawling along the ground at her feet, a pair of crows watching her from the purple tree, a moth flying along the river. In the distance she hears the rustling movement of a hunting cat.
If only the two Hers would stop talking so loudly; then Girl could breathe again. She feels a tightness in her chest and it scares her. She should feel safe out here on the edge of her world. She could run away now if she wanted to. If she was careful and followed the river, she could find her cave again.
All those times she stood at the lying box, with her arm held out in the green-scented air, she imagined a chance like this. The moment when Sun Hair would look away and Girl would run.
But now she doesn’t want to leave.
She looks down at her feet. They are planted as firmly as any tree root. This is where she wants to be. With Sun Hair.
“Talktomealis.”
Sun Hair is there, in front of her, reaching a hand out to Girl. In the light of this round-faced moon, everything about Sun Hair is white.
Girl is afraid and confused. What if Sun Hair doesn’t want Girl to stay? Maybe she is being let go now?
She doesn’t want to go back to the cold, hungry darkness of her cave. Maybe Him is there.…
Sun Hair bends down. “Canyoutalktomealis?”
The other one, the big, jangling Night-Haired Her says something from the shadows. There is no color around that one, no scent. Girl cannot sense what that one feels or thinks, but she knows it is bad.
Something is wrong.
“Leavethis. Toodamnspooky,” Night Hair says. She shivers as if it is cold, which confuses Girl even more. It is moons and moons away from cold.
“Goaheadandleave. Illstay.” Sun Hair is looking at Girl and smiling. “Ineedyoutotalkalis. Isanyofthismakingsense?”
Girl hears something. It sneaks up on her like a hunting wolf. She frowns, trying to understand.
Need.
Talk.
Did Sun Hair want Girl to make the sounds that meant things?
No.
It couldn’t be. That is the Bad Thing.
Sun Hair’s smile slowly disappears. The color of her eyes seem to change from green to the palest gray. It is the color of lostness, of the water that leaks from your eyes. At last Sun Hair makes a sad, lonely sound and straightens.
“MaybeIwasrightElandImnottheonetohelpthisgirl.”
It seems now that Sun Hair is miles away from Girl and getting farther. Sooner they will be so far apart that Girl won’t be able to find her.
“Ineedyoutotalklittleone.” Sun Hair takes a breath. “Please.”
Please.
From somewhere, Girl remembers this sound. It is special, like the first bud in spring.
Sun Hair wants Girl to make the forbidden noises.
Girl gets slowly to her feet. She feels light-headed with fear.
Sun Hair is walking away now.
Leaving.
Girl’s fear pushes her forward. She follows, grabs Sun Hair’s hand and holds so tightly it hurts.
Sun Hair turns to her, kneels. “Itsokayalis. Itsokay. Imnotleavingyou.”
Leaving. Out of the jumble of sounds, Girl hears this. It is as clear as the sound of a river rising.
Girl looks at Sun Hair. Holding tightly to her hand, she wants to look away or close her eyes so that if Sun Hair is going to hit her, she will not have to see it coming, but she forces her eyes to stay open. It will take all her heart, everything she has inside of her to think and remember and make the forbidden noise.
“Whatisit? Areyouokay?” Sun Hair’s voice is so soft it makes Girl’s heart ache.
She looks up into those pretty green eyes. Girl wants to be good. She licks her lips, then says quietly, “Stay.”
Sun Hair makes a sound like a stone falling in deep water. “Didyou saystay?”
Girl gives her the special rose. “Peas.”
Sun Hair’s eyes start leaking again, but this time her mouth is curled up in a way that makes Girl feel warm inside. She puts her arms around Girl and pulls Girl toward her.
It is a feeling Girl has never known before, this holding of the wholeness of her. She closes her eyes and lets her face burrow into the softness of Sun Hair’s neck, which smells of the flowers that grow when the sun comes sneaking up through nighttime.
“Stay,” she whispers again, smiling now.
SEVENTEEN