“No,” Julia said quickly. She didn’t even want to hear the words out loud. “Of course not.”
“You watch out for him,” Ellie said at last. “I’m not kidding, Jules. And I’m not jealous. Just be careful.”
Julia was touched by the concern. “I will be.” She stood up. “I’m beat. I’m going to crash. Thanks for waiting up for me.”
“Thanks for throwing yourself on the fire for us.”
Julia headed for the stairs. She was just reaching for the banister when Ellie called out her name. Julia paused and turned around. “Yeah?”
“Everything will be okay, you know. Sooner or later it’ll die down and they’ll remember how good you are at what you do.”
Julia released her breath. “That’s what Mom would have said to me.”
Ellie smiled.
Julia tried to hang on to those words, to let them be her armor. It was what she’d done as a child. Whenever she’d been wounded by some slight at school—or by her father’s inattention—she’d gone to her mother in tears. Everything will be okay, her mom would say, wiping the moisture from her cheeks and enfolding her in a hug that smelled of Suave shampoo and cigarettes.
She climbed the stairs to her room and went directly to the twin bed by the window.
Julia pulled the blankets up and covered the child, then bent down slowly and kissed her sweet, soft cheek.
She meant to rise, but knelt by the bed instead. Without realizing what she was going to do, she bowed her head and closed her eyes.
Give me strength.
She kissed Alice’s cheek again, then climbed into her own narrow, lonely bed and fell asleep.
Something is wrong.
Girl senses it the second she opens her eyes. She stands still, sniffing the air. Many things, she has learned, can be sensed if one is quiet. The coming of snow smells like apples and makes her littlest finger swell up; a hunting bear makes a sound like snoring; danger can be heard in plenty of time if one is still and quiet. This was a lesson Her could never learn. In the lazy other days that she sometimes visits in her sleep, she remembers how Her used to try talking to Girl: always the noise, and the trouble that came afterward.
Now, in her safe place, hidden by the small trees, she stares through the leaves at the Sun-Haired Her, who is so silent.
Has Girl done something wrong?
Across the room, Sun Hair looks up. She looks sad, like maybe her eyes are going to start leaking again. And tired. That was how Her looked before she got dead.
“Comeherealis.” Sun Hair pats the bed.
Girl knows that movement, the touching of the bed. It means that Sun Hair will open the magic pictures and talk and talk.
Girl loves that. The sound of Her voice, the way she lets Girl be so close, the safety of curling up beside her.
“Comeherealis.”
Girl eases around the plants and shuffles forward, trying to be as small and still as possible, just in case she has done something Bad. She wishes Sun Hair would have on the happy face again; that makes Girl feel light. She keeps her head down, careful not to make eye contact. At Sun Hair’s feet, she drops to her knees.
The touch on her forehead is soft and gentle. Girl looks up.
“Thisisgoingtobedifficultalis.” She sighs. “Trustmeokay.”
Girl doesn’t know what to do, how to show her obedience. Another little sound escapes her.
“I’msorry.” Sun Hair reaches into a box on the floor and pulls out It.
For a split second Girl freezes, too frightened to move. She glances around the room expecting Him to break into this too-light place. She scrambles backward.
Finally she screams. Once she starts, she can’t stop. She knows it is Wrong. Bad. Stupid to make so much noise and that the Strangers will come and hurt her now, but she is past the rules, past thinking. She hits one of the baby trees and it falls sideways, hitting the ground with a loud noise.
She screams more, gulping down air, trying to get away from it, but the white cave wall stops her. She hits it hard, feels pain thump her in the back of her head.
Sun Hair is talking to her, stringing sounds together that are as pretty as shells, but she can’t hear it. Her heart is beating so fast, and It is still there, in Sun Hair’s hand.
As It gets closer, Girl starts to scratch herself, drawing blood.
Sun Hair is with her now, holding her so tightly that Girl can’t claw herself.
“Okayokayokayokay. Nohurt. Iknowyou’rescared. It’sokayokayokay.” Sun Hair’s voice finally comes through.
Girl’s screaming fades. She breathes hard and fast, trying to be strong, but she is so scared.
Sun Hair lets go of her. Slowly, as if she is the one afraid, the pretty woman lifts It up.
Girl’s eyes widen. She feels sick inside, desperate. The air in the room darkens; everything smells like smoke and blood.
It catches the light. She closes her eyes, remembering his dark, hairy fingers twisting the strings … bending the twigs … threading the beads. She whimpers.
“Alis. Alis.”
The touch on her cheek is so gentle that at first she thinks she’s imagined it … that Her has come back.