“You know about Alice,” she said quietly.
He climbed into the big bed and took her in his arms. Saying nothing, he held her and let her cry, let her tell him her memories one by one. It was something he should have done long ago; formed all his memories into solid, durable things that would last.
She paused in her story and looked at him, her eyes shimmering with tears. “I should stop rattling on about her,” she said.
He kissed her gently, giving her all of himself in that one kiss. “Keep talking,” he said when he drew back. “I’m not going anywhere.”
The streets downtown were empty. Every storefront Ellie passed, she got a sad, tired wave from someone inside. Four people had hugged her in the diner while she waited for her mocha. None of them bothered to say anything. What was there to say? Everyone knew that by this time tomorrow their Alice would be gone.
It was late when she finally left the station and headed for the river. As she climbed the porch steps to the front door that had always been hers, she felt as if she were carrying a heavy weight on her back. This was as bad as she’d ever felt in her life, and for a woman who’d been divorced twice and buried both of her folks, well, that was saying something.
Inside, everything was exactly as it always had been. The overstuffed sofa and chairs created an intimate gathering place in front of the fireplace, the knickknacks were few and far between and mostly handmade. The only difference was the collection of ficus plants in the corner.
Alice’s hiding place.
Only a few weeks ago the girl had rushed to that place at the drop of a hat—or the start of a big emotion. But lately she’d hidden less and less in her leafy sanctuary.
The thought of it was almost more than Ellie could bear, and if it hurt her to imagine, what was Julia feeling now? Every tick of the clock must be a blow to her.
She went over to the stereo and popped the Return of the King CD into the player. It was a day for sad, desperate songs and emotional music.
She tossed her purse on the dining room table. It hit with a jangly thump. She’d just made herself tea when she saw her sister.
Julia was out on the porch, in the freezing cold, wrapped in their father’s old woolen hunting coat.
Ellie made a second cup of tea and took it out to the porch.
Julia took the drink with a quiet “Thanks” and “have a seat.”
Ellie grabbed one of the old quilts from the trunk on the porch and wrapped it around her. Sitting on the porch swing, she put her feet on the trunk. “Where’s Max?”
Julia shook her head. “He had an emergency at the hospital. He wanted to stay … but I sort of needed to be alone. Alice is asleep.”
Ellie started to rise. “Should I—”
“No. Please. Stay.” At that, Julia smiled sadly. “I sound like Alice. Brittany, I mean.”
“She’ll never really be Brittany to us.”
“No.” Julia sipped her tea.
“What will you do?”
“Without her?” Julia stared out at their backyard. In the darkness, they couldn’t see much past the river. Moonlight brightened the water. “I’ve been thinking a lot about that. Unfortunately, I don’t have an answer.” Her voice softened, trembled. “It’s like watching Mom die all over again.”
She started to say more, but fell suddenly silent. “Sorry. Sometimes …” She stood up, turned away. “I need to be with her now,” she said in a small, breaking voice, and then she was gone.
Ellie felt the start of tears. She tossed the blanket aside and got up. What good would it do to sit here by herself and cry?
She walked down into the damp grass toward the river. Across the black field she saw the twinkling yellow lights of Cal’s house. Someday you should think about all the people who love you, El, Peanut had said. Cal had always been on that list. Through both her marriages, all her disastrous affairs, and the deaths of her parents, Cal had always been the one constant man in her life.
Even though he was mad at her for something, he was the one man on the planet who saw her as she was and loved her anyway. She needed a friend like that now.
She was at his door in no time. She knocked.
And waited.
No one answered.
Frowning, she glanced behind her. Cal’s GTO was there, hidden beneath a tan canvas cover and a smattering of fallen leaves.
She opened the door, poked her head in, and said, “Hello?”
Again, there was no answer, but she saw a light on down the hall. She followed it to the closed door of Lisa’s study.
Suddenly she wondered if Lisa was back. The thought made her frown deepen. Nerves twisted her stomach, made her feel panicky, but that made no sense. She knocked on the door, “Hello?”
“Ellie?”
She pushed the door open and saw that Cal was there alone, sitting behind a drafting-like table with papers spread out all around him.
For no reason she could quite touch, Ellie felt a rush of relief. “Where are the girls?”
“Peanut took them to dinner and a movie so that I could work.”