“I just… I just….” I tried to say but couldn’t find the words.
“I know.” Those fingers kneaded my muscles lightly, the band around my shoulders tightening. “I know. You’re good. You’re fine.”
I was good. I was fine.
I sucked in a breath through my nose and nodded against him.
I was.
I had food. I was fine. I had everything I wanted and needed.
I wasn’t going to be upset over Thea.
I wasn’t.
I wasn’t.
I was good. I was fine. I was loved.
I was—
“Five more seconds,” I told him, knowing somewhere in the back of my head that it was more like five minutes after my initial request.
Those fingers went through the ends of my hair some more. “Five more,” that gentle voice agreed.
I sniffed, fighting the urge when more tears popped up in my eyes again. I was fine, I was fine, I was fine. But I still didn’t move. When his fingers went through my hair once more, I whispered, “That’s really nice, Rip,” hearing it sound all broken and chopped.
I was fine.
I would be fine.
“It always made me feel better when my mom would do it for me,” he told me, doing it all over again, so soft, so naturally. “Didn’t matter if I was scared or sad or mad; everything always felt better after she did it.”
It was hard to picture Rip as a little kid having his mom soothe him.
But it was even harder to picture that it was him soothing me right then the only way he knew how. Maybe. Possibly. I didn’t know. I was starting to think I didn’t know anything.
“She’d put me to sleep doing it too,” he kept going in that gravelly voice that felt like a secret itself. “Two more seconds?”
It wouldn’t be until later, much, much later, that I’d realize he had been teasing me.
But I still said, “Yes, please” as my sniffles stayed sniffles, but the tears slowed down.
I was fine. I was all right. I didn’t need to cry. This wasn’t going to kill me today, tomorrow, a week from now, or ever again.
So what?
So what if my sister had changed her mind after I’d driven all the way here?
So what if she had lied to me? I had lied a hundred times in my life.
I was fine.
But I still said, “One more.”
And Rip still replied, “All right.”
Sorrow so deep I didn’t think I was capable of, covered everything around me. The tips of my fingers, the tops of my hands, right between my shoulder blades, right at the center of me.
But I wrapped it up, the memory of my sister pretty much telling me to leave, and I threw it into the trash so it wouldn’t hurt me anymore.
I had no idea what was going on with her, but there was something. I could only hope it had nothing to do with me.
I was choosing to be happy. I wasn’t going to let this bother me anymore. I wasn’t.
“Thank you, Rip,” I whispered, still catching those notes in my voice that reminded me I had been hurting, and if I lingered on it any longer, I would again.
When the arms around me loosened a little, I dropped my arms from where they were between us. I was going to pretend like my hands didn’t shake—just a little—before I set them on his hips. Swallowing hard, I reminded myself I was fine. I was.
“Thank you,” I repeated, forcing myself to tip my head back so I could look him in the eye.
That brutally handsome face was focused down on me. Those blue-green eyes moved, looking from one of my eyes to the other and back again. The arms he had around me slowly dropped back to his sides, sandwiching mine where they were on his hips.
“You’re good,” he told me.
“I’m good,” I confirmed.
Those teal eyes still bounced back and forth as he said in that perfect, boss-like voice, “I know.”
Lifting my hands off his waist and trying not to make it seem like it was a big deal they’d been there in the first place, I used the backs of them to wipe at my face as I asked, pretty timidly, “What else did your mom do when you were upset?”
There was a pause and then, “She’d give me ice cream.”
I couldn’t help but smile a little at that as I dropped my hands and sucked in a breath through my nose.
I was fine. I was fine, I was fine, I was fine.
“That was probably the best ice cream ever, huh?” I asked him with a swallow. “But I’m starving, and if you don’t mind driving us, I’ll treat you to food and a hotel room for the night. I’m sure it’s way past your bedtime. I know it’s past mine.”
Hard eyes and a hard mouth watched me closely for a moment before nodding gravely. “I’ll drive.”
It was my turn to nod, and I pressed my lips together before telling him carefully, “I’m sorry you brought me all the way over here for no reason.” I tried to give him a smile, but I wasn’t sure I managed it. “At least we’re even now, huh?”
Chapter 14
I knew something was really wrong on Monday when I showed up to work and found the lights in my room were already on.
There had only been one car in the parking lot when I’d showed up, and it had been one I knew well. The owner of it had never, in the years we had worked together, gone into my room that early in the morning for no reason. If I really thought about it, he had probably never gone into my room when I wasn’t in it, period. There was no reason he would start now.
Even after everything we had done together this past weekend after leaving Thea’s.
“Everything” being us going to the closest twenty-four-hour diner and eating burgers, fries, and a sundae each; then staying in a hotel close by. In different rooms. The ride back to Houston the next day hadn’t been awkward… but instead a nice, easygoing quiet with both of us humming along to the radio. It had been okay—more than okay, considering Friday had sliced me deeper than anything else had in a long time.
I hadn’t cried over Thea since then. Even if she hadn’t called me or bothered texting me to make sure I made it back to Houston safely. Even if I did ache a little still from it, kind of like a papercut that you knew wasn’t going to kill you, but it still stung like hell.
But I wasn’t going to linger over any of that longer than I needed to. I had better ways to spend my energy, and in that moment right then, it was trying to guess why the lights in my room were on.
Approaching the door, with the lights on through the square-shaped window at the top of the door, I balanced my tote bag, holding a container full of funky-looking stir-fry I had made to last the entire week. I couldn’t help but wonder why Rip would be in there. To help me? No way. He had enough things to do. Check something? Maybe.
I had left Jason with only a small project before I’d left on Friday for my gynecologist appointment, but he should have gotten it finished before he’d bounced. Chances were, Rip was double-checking his work. He had done that to mine from time to time when he’d first come to CCC, doubting I could do what I had assured him I could.
So even though my gut knew something was off, the rest of me tried to push that nagging feeling aside as I turned the knob and pushed the door open. There was no way I could be surprised when I found Rip inside, standing just outside the booth’s opened doors, looking in. I didn’t worry when I found him with his hands on his hips, doing that.
But when I said, “Good morning” as I came inside, my purse over one shoulder, tote in my hands, and he didn’t look at me… that’s when something in me confirmed that there was something wrong.
He didn’t look at me.
He didn’t say anything.
Okay.
Not like I had cried into his body after my sister had shot a freaking arrow into my heart and made me feel about three inches tall.
I hadn’t let myself think of how nice it had been to lean up against him and have him hold me.
I wasn’t about to start now. I knew he was my boss, and I knew he owed me a favor and that’s why he’d gone with me in the first place. Maybe comforting me hadn’t been part of it, but I knew he didn’t hate me. Maybe somewhere inside of him, he was a little fond of me.
But that was all there was.