But what I did know from experience was what it was like to take a leap and have no one there to catch you. Or at least break your fall. And that was why I took it.
Because who knew when the last time he had reached out to anyone had been?
Gently, he tugged at my hand and led me toward the front door, closing the door behind us the second we were outside. I watched as he took a step forward, his free hand going up to the top of his head and smoothing down the back of it. He still hadn’t let go of my hand.
Crickets chirped in the evening grass on Mr. Cooper’s front lawn. I didn’t need to look around to know we were surrounded by shrubs and flower bushes. I also didn’t need to glance up to know Lucas Ripley was looking down at me when I tried to pull my hand out of his, and his grip tightened instead of loosening.
So I wasn’t surprised when he didn’t hesitate, his voice strong and sure, as this man said, “Don’t be fucking mad at me anymore.”
I bit the inside of my cheek and forced myself to look up into that face I had memorized. Dark brown hair shot through with strands of silver, deep-set eyes, broad, flat cheekbones, and that jaw that would have been a work of art if anyone were smart enough to recreate it, faced me. His eyes focused down on me, intent and unflinching.
Leave me alone, he had said.
“I didn’t mean all that shit I said, and you know it,” he told me, tugging at the hand he hadn’t let go of.
I took a deep breath and kept my voice even. “Mr. Ripley—”
He didn’t let me get further than that before he snapped, “Cut it out.”
“Cut what out?”
That throat of his bobbed as he dipped his chin in close. “You know what, Luna.”
I looked at him, keeping my face blank.
“That Mister Ripley bullshit,” he finally growled out.
“But that’s your name.”
He made a noise in his throat.
“You’re my boss,” I reminded him.
The fingers around mine jerked. “I’m more than your boss.”
That had me trying to pull my hand out of his. “No, Rip. That’s what you are, and I just happened to forget that.”
He cursed. Rip cursed under his breath, his fingers tightening. “No, baby girl, there was nothing for you to forget.”
Leave me alone.
I clung on to those words with both my hands and held on tight. He was my boss. Today, tomorrow, the day after that. He didn’t want what I had to offer, and I wasn’t going to be na?ve enough to believe people changed.
Rip had lost his mind for a little while before deciding what it was that he wanted.
And that wasn’t me or my friendship or my problems.
He felt guilty and that was it.
I tipped my chin up, reminding myself I had been through worse and been through things more hurtful than words said out of anger. And I told him what he deep down wanted to make sure. “I’ve already told you I’m not going to quit, if that’s what you’re worried about.” I swallowed and fisted my free hand, keeping my voice calm. “I get offers every few months from other businesses, but I don’t think twice about them. I love working at CCC, even if you don’t like me—”
This huge man reared back and blinked, his hand getting tight and his voice going hoarse. “Not like you?”
Be strong. You can handle anything, Luna.
I nodded. “We can call it whatever you want. I’m fine with it, Mr. Ripley. You’re not the first person to dislike me or not want me around. It’s fine.”
He let go of my hand so quickly I didn’t have time to react before the man in front of me cut the distance between us so much there was no distance.
That big hand that had been right by my face moved like lightning, his palm cradling the back of my head. Before I could finish my sentence, before I could even suck in a breath, Lucas Ripley dipped his face close to mine. “I don’t dislike a single fucking bone in your body, Luna.”
And cue my mouth shutting and probably my eyes bugging out too.
“You drive me fucking nuts—”
“That’s not very nice,” I said before I could stop myself.
I didn’t miss the way his eyebrows shot up. “Let me finish, yeah?”
I shut my mouth.
“But I miss the fuck out of you, messing with me all the damn time, provoking me way too much, always fucking laughing and smiling and being a pain in my fucking ass.” What had to be his little finger grazed the nape of my neck as I stood there. “I said some mean shit to the one person in this fucking world that—”
He stopped, and if it wouldn’t have been for his Adam’s apple bobbing, I wouldn’t have realized he was struggling with his words. Struggling with whatever he was trying to tell me. Confusing the freaking hell out of me.
“You. I would never want to hurt you,” he breathed, beaming me with that intense gaze. “Not for nothing. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I knew your family, but I didn’t exactly want you to know how or why I did either. You get me?”
Just as I opened my mouth, his hand moved around and his thumb landed over my lips, shutting me up.
“I swear to Jesus Christ if you say something about work or about how you won’t fucking quit, I’ll close your mouth my own goddamn self in another way,” Rip told me.
That had me shutting my mouth.
That had my heart going whack, whack, whack, what the hell is happening?
“What?” was all I could crow.
“I don’t give a single fuck how many other companies offer you jobs, or how happy you are at the shop. Me and the old man wouldn’t let you go anywhere,” he said, his gaze intent.
“I just said I don’t want to go anywhere in the first place…,” I muttered, trying my best to ignore how fast my heart was going because of the way he was looking at me.
At the way he was even just talking to me.
Rip’s cheeks twitched, and his voice was even lower as he whispered, “Good.” The pinky he had on the back of my neck moved across the skin there lightly, just grazing it. “I don’t want you leaving me alone. I was pissed and you were there, and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I don’t want to hurt you. You hear me?”
I did and I didn’t.
I was there and, like always, I was an easy target. That was nothing new.
But I knew words held an edge of truth to them always.
I also knew that I had been right in thinking that I had wasted my time mooning over this man who would never be more than my boss. He did feel bad, and that was nice, but that was it. That was all. I had given him the tools he used to hurt me.
And I really was tired of hurting, but that was on me. I just wanted to move past this.
Warm, sweet breath washed over my face as he leaned in even closer to me. Bringing him so close I had to hold my breath. “You forgive me for fucking up?”
Did I?
I only had to pause for a moment before I knew my answer. “Sure.”
“Sure?”
I nodded and that got me a slow, wary blink.
“We good?”
I nodded again.
The finger on my neck was light as his eyes moved from one of mine to the other and back again. I could still feel his breath on my face. I could feel his entire palm on the back of my head.
“We over this ‘Mr. Ripley’ bullshit?”
I didn’t say a word in response to that, mostly because I did forgive him—Rip was shades of black and gray and white, and so was his relationship with Mr. C—but that didn’t change my own reality. My own truth.
Plus, I didn’t want to lie.
I wasn’t sure I was done with the “Mr. Ripley” bullshit. It would help me cope. It would remind me of my hard-earned lesson.
And something about that had his face clouding over. His eyes narrowing, moving from one of mine to the other like he knew—knew—what I was thinking. “I don’t dislike you. Not a little, not at all. How many times do I gotta say that to get it through your head?”
My chest ached as I looked up into that handsome, handsome face.
But I remembered.