My woman is standing in front of me, tears pouring down her face and finally that cold shell she’s encased herself in has started to crack. While I hate the pain that I’ve caused her, the fact she’s finally letting me see it, gives me hope.
I pull her close and wipe her tears with my thumb; there are so many there’s no way to stop them. I wish I had more light, I want to see her eyes. I need to see her eyes.
“I didn’t leave, Nicole. You didn’t know I was there, but every night I laid with you. I held you and Dom in my arms. I didn’t leave Mama, I couldn’t leave you if I tried, woman. You own me.”
“I’m scared, Dragon. I won’t survive if you pull shit like this again.”
My stomach turns at the amount of pain coming from my woman. If I could go back I would…Is there a way to fix this?
“So that’s it, Nicole? You want to end it, end us? You don’t even want to try?”
Just the words hurt me. What do I do if she says she doesn’t? Can I let her walk away? Fuck. Can I give her up?
“Dragon,” she whispers so lightly, it’s almost silent. Her voice shaky and her body is straining to just breathe. Guilt and sadness come down on me. I broke her.
“Get in the car. I’ll take you home…I’ll take you back to your car.”
She doesn’t respond, her head goes down and just the picture of her standing like this, in the dark, is painful. When she makes no move to get back in the car I pick her up. She lies against me boneless.
“I’m sorry Mama, I’m so fucking sorry,” I whisper under my breath. I haven’t cried since Nicole was shot. Tears make you weak. Right now, I could easily give in and join my woman. Except, she’s not my woman anymore.
We drive in silence back to her car. I call Bull and tell him not to worry about getting Nicole’s car. The air is thick with emotion.
“If it’s alright, I’d like to spend some time with Dom when he comes home. You can let me know when a good time is.”
“Dragon, you can see Dom anytime.”
“Whatever…Nicole.”
I pull back into the parking structure and follow the arrows like a robot, parking beside her car with a sense of dread.
“So, this is it?” She asks.
She sounds surprised and for the life of me I can’t figure out why. It pisses me off. I’ve done everything and jumped through hoops for this woman. So, I fucked up. I know that. It hurt her, but Jesus Christ, what more can I do here?
I lay my head on the steering wheel and try to get control of my emotions. It doesn’t work.
“What the fuck do you want from me, Nicole? Seriously? I’ve apologized, I’ve begged, fuck, I’ve given you everything you want. I’ve fought to keep us together. You’re the one that has been telling me for months that you needed time away, you’re the one who moved out, and you’re the one shutting me out. What the fuck do you expect from me here? Don’t you think you already have my dick chopped off enough, panting after your ass? What the fuck more could I possibly give you?”
She just stares at me, her eyes large in disbelief.
“Fuck this shit. If this is what love does to you, it’s no fucking wonder I never bothered.”
“You’re being an asshole,” she says, but I’m so sick and tired of hearing the pain in her voice, like she is blameless in this shit. So, I let it all hang out.
“Yeah that’s me, Mama. A fucking asshole right? I mean it’s not like my woman didn’t hide a whole fucking life and lie to me from day one. It’s not like, instead of telling me when shit was about to hit the fan, she kept her damn secret and threatened to leave me. It sure as hell has nothing to do with the fact that my woman had me and my men jump through hoops and put on fucking clothes that we would never wear, for the privilege of putting my ring on her hand, just to fucking leave me standing on the damn sidewalk! I mean what the hell, right? You’re the only one that’s been hurt and wronged in this situation. Right, Nicole? So, I had a friend blown up in front of me, what’s the big deal? So I had to watch him burn and make decisions quickly—again big-fucking-deal. You want to bitch because I didn’t consult you? Maybe if you hadn’t left me there standing on the fucking sidewalk and been with me you would have known. You ever think of that, Nicole? Still, like the motherfucking fool I am, I can’t breathe without you so I repeatedly slam my head against a damned brick wall trying to get you to let me back in. Now, you sit there and ask me if this is it and call me an asshole. Yeah, Mama, this is it. I am done. There’s only so much a man is willing to crawl, even for your golden pussy.”
She gasps and then her hand comes out to slap me. I grab her wrist, by reflex.
“I’m sorry I even tried to get through to you!” She growls, yanking her hand away and turning to open the door.
She’s not going to get the final word. Oh hell no. I get out and face her.
“You didn’t try shit! You already had your mind made up we were done. You’re just enjoying getting your revenge!”