Deidre lifted her head, stared straight at him, though her eyes were moist. “I don’t suppose either of us will ever be free of those demons. But we can’t let them keep us from living in this world—or the demons will have won.”
“Not going to let that happen.” He wondered how well she was living. By the looks of things, she was getting by—barely. Was she happy? Or just existing? And why did he care?
“Libby called me after that day. That’s how I knew you were going to be at Pendleton.” She cocked her head to look at him, and he was again struck by how small and frail she seemed. Sparrow-like. “She says she loves you. She wants to marry you.”
A yearning tingled through Chance at the news. He tamped it down. “Deidre, no offense, but this isn’t any of your business.”
She straightened in her chair. “Offense taken. Despite everything and your feelings to the contrary, I’m still your mother. I never stopped caring. You don’t believe that. You’ll never forgive me, I know. But you’ve got to at least forgive yourself.”
Forgive? Himself? Was she addled?
“I’ve got nothing to forgive. All my life, I’ve tried to do the right thing. Worked like a dog. Married the girl I loved. And when she walked away, I let her be. Found a way to make something of myself. I’ve got nothing to apologize for.”
“All that’s true. And I’m mighty proud of you, though I recognize it was in spite of me, in spite of our circumstances.”
“Damn right.”
Deidre pursed her lips as if in distaste. Maybe he shouldn’t have cursed. But he didn’t like the turn this conversation was taking.
“But I think…I always thought you felt, as a boy, that you should have taken on your father. You couldn’t, of course. He’d have hurt you, maybe killed you. He wasn’t rational when he drank. He was filled with rage that came from…I don’t know where. But the fact you couldn’t do anything about him I think filled you with anger, and maybe despair.”
Chance felt like someone had hit him in the solar plexus, like the air had whooshed out of him, leaving him breathless.
“You don’t know what you are talking about,” he finally said when he could pump oxygen again.
“None of it was your fault. Much as you don’t want to hear it, you were a victim then, just like me. But you’ve grown up. And someone needs you. Someone who loves you very much.”
“She’s got Brennan Motors. She’s got her family. She’ll be better off without me.” It was time for him to leave. So why wasn’t he getting up, going?
“She loves you.”
“Libby and I have been down this path before. As I said, this is between her and me. She did me a favor walking out on me. Made me realize I’m not cut out for family life.”
“What are you afraid of?”
He leaned forward, checking the door for his exit route. “I am not afraid of anything. I’m just not cut out to be a family man. That’s what Libby wants. That’s what she needs.”
“You’re nothing like him, you know. You’ve just rattled off a litany of all the things you’ve done right. You’re nothing like him.” She shook her head. “Nothing. In fact, you remind me a lot of my own father. You remember Granddaddy?” she glanced toward the picture. “You put the light in his eyes. You would trail after him as he went around shoeing horses. The day that horse kicked him in the head and killed him was the worst day of my life. That is, until I had to leave you.”
Chance felt the memories prodding his heart. “I haven’t thought about Granddaddy for a long time.”
She leaned forward. “I think about him every day. That’s who you take after. You look like him too.”
“I take that as a compliment. He was a good man.” Chance took a deep breath, more to center himself than anything.
“And so are you. And worthy of a girl like Libby. And she’s worthy of a good man like you.”
Chance didn’t know whether to shoot out the door and escape, or settle back in the sofa, looking for comfort. For some reason, he chose the sofa. “She walked out on me once already.” There was no changing the facts.
“And haven’t you walked away from her? Are either of you happy about it? You both have had your reasons. Time to find a reason to be together.”
“We’ve got too much history, too much of it painful.”
“Emotional hurt is painful, and long lasting, I’ll grant, but love can bring happiness and can be just as long lasting. Look at Libby’s father. I know you don’t much care for his high-handedness, but he loved his wife, loves his family.”
“And hates me.”
“Well, he has a funny way of showing it then. When I called looking for you, he’s the one who told me how proud I should be of you. Told me that you reminded him of hisself at your age.”
“Never said that to me.”
“Libby is his baby girl. She was way too young for marriage back then, and deep in your heart, I think you’ve known that. She’s grown up now. Seems like she’s got her head on straight and knows what she wants. She’ll make you a fine wife. And you’ll make a fine husband. It’s the truth.”