I drop the box on the top of my dresser, turning to look at her so that she sees that I’m willing to do this her way. I would be lying to myself if I said that I’m not hoping she’s right. Just the thought of feeling some peace is tempting enough for me to continue this fight. One that I know will be undoubtedly easier as long as she’s right there with me.
When I turn around, she’s lying on her back and looking at me hopefully. With a deep breath, I round the bed and sit. She’s seen me without my leg on. She’s seen my stump. She knows what I’ve been so careful to keep hidden because of the shame it gives me. Even with all of that, she’s still here, still wanting to be here. Knowing how I became this broken man didn’t change her mind at all.
That doesn’t lessen my self-consciousness about my…defect.
“Take it off, baby,” she whispers.
“Just give me a second.”
“I won’t give you a second. I gave you four years’ worth of seconds. It’s time for you to be a big boy and take it off,” she fumes.
I look at her and want to laugh at the situation. I should have known that, while I’m falling back on to my own faults and shortcomings, she would still throw her sass. She’s broken herself and still stands tall.
Can it really be that easy? To look at my life, find the positives—those things she thinks I’m missing because I’m too busy looking for the bad—and just let go?
Now or never, Maddox. You either keep moving forward with the hope or you let the fear consume you.
I hold her eyes, stand, and drop my sweats. Her eyes widen slightly, and had I not been staring at her directly, I wouldn’t have seen it. She stands her ground and doesn’t even flinch when I drop back down and remove my prosthetic. She doesn’t say a thing as I slide back and swing my legs over. She doesn’t make a sound until I lift my arm to pull her towards me.
Even then she doesn’t say anything with her words. She lets out a shocked gasp and lifts up as best she can with one arm.
“What…” She doesn’t finish her question, the words trailing off as she reaches one of her small hands towards my heated skin.
When I feel her fingertips graze the side of my body, I close my eyes and relish in the chills her touch elicits.
“I don’t… Is that…Maddox?” Her fingers don’t stop their tracing, their searching, as the question she didn’t speak lingers in the air.
“Yeah. It’s a rose, Emmy. It’s a rose that I got the day after I almost gave in and gave myself to you after Axel and Izzy got married.”
Her eyes jump to mine, shocked.
“I didn’t forget that,” I tell her. “Not for a second. Those stolen moments with you in my arms drove two things home—that you will forever be my Emersyn Rose and the only place you belonged was in my heart. I couldn’t give that to you then, so I did the second best thing. I had a symbol of you placed on my body permanently.”
“I don’t know what to say to that,” she sighs after a few moments of silently searching my eyes.
“So don’t say anything. It’s there. It happened.”
“It’s beautiful,” she says, looking at the rose that starts just directly under my armpit and ends about six inches down. The rose is bright red, the stem done in black—with her name scripted down its length.
“Yeah…it really is,” I agree, not talking about the ink on my body, but the feeling of having her after so long of believing I couldn’t.
Maybe she’s right. Maybe it is just as simple as she believes. God, I hope so, because if just the thought of her love feels this good, I can’t imagine how it will truly feel.
I am just falling asleep, Emmy’s body curled as best as she can into me without jarring her arm and leg and her head resting on my outstretched arm. She’s been having a hard time sleeping today, so I’m hoping that, by keeping her close, she can rest more easily. A few times she woke up during the day crying out and I know she’s thinking about her attack.
It makes me go instantly savage. Like an untamed beast, I want to go on attack mode, but I stifle it down and focus on being there when she needs me. It wouldn’t do her a bit of good for me to lash out on her because I’m feeling the terror of having almost lost her.
“Maddox?” she utters into the darkness.
“Emersyn,” I rumble back, my voice thick.
“I knew you would save me.”
My body jolts and she moans in pain when I jar her body slightly. Shit.
“I fought him because I knew you would come. I fought him because I had a reason not to give up.”
I’m shocked stupid, unable to even form a grunt in response because of the feeling of my heart beating wildly as it grows to improbable levels.
“I used everything I had to make sure we would have our chance. I told you I would never stop fighting for you, and even though I was physically fighting for myself, I was in that battle to win not just my life…but yours too.
“Jesus,” I gasp past the lump in my throat.
“I would do it all over again. I’ll never stop fighting.”