I should have known better than to let my guard down. I wake up screaming, the events that have haunted me nightly since I lost my leg playing out in an endless loop. Only this time, it isn’t Morris’s lifeless body I pull away—it’s Emmy’s. I never thought that nightmare would get worse until I envisioned her lying there, dead.
Gasping for air, I try to bring myself back from the tangled web of pain that always follows my nightmares. I try to remember that I’m not back there, I’ve overcome the aftermath of that dark day, and I’m in control now. I’m alive. Emmy is alive.
FUCK! Emmy…
As trepidation fills my veins with ice-cold fear, I look over to her and prepare myself for her revolution. I try to close off myself to what it will do if she hates me now—or worse, if she fears me. My world is rocked to its very core when I take in her pale, tear-streaked face. Her sobs are so violent that they’re shaking the bed, and for the first time since she walked into my life, I have no idea what she’s thinking.
We stare at each other for the longest time. She seems unsure of what to do and say. I’m terrified that, if I move, she’s going to crack. Seeing the pain I’ve caused yet another person because of my demons is slowly killing me. I knew this would happen. I feared this. But despite my best efforts, here we are and she’s seen me at my worst.
I surrender to the pain and drop my head, running my hand over my scalp and wishing that I hadn’t shaved it off so that I would at least have something to pull. To make my body feel pain over my fucking heart.
When I feel her cold hand against my back, I jump, causing her to pull her arm back and cry harder.
“Please…please don’t push me away, Maddox,” she begs between her tears. “I can’t help you if you don’t let me in.”
After whipping my head around, I hold her eyes and try to make sense of her words. Push her away? Jesus… I’ve never wanted more than to pull her into my arms and forget everything that weighs me down.
“Let. Me. In,” she pleads. “Please let me in.”
“God, Em. You’ve always been in.”
She lets out a shuddered breath and takes a hesitant inch towards me. Her kneeling body moves slowly with the fear I’ve helped plant in her mind that I’ll reject her. I’ve done this to her and I vow to do my best to never make her doubt my need for her.
Her hand comes up from the bed and extends out for me again, her palm caressing my cheek as she takes the last few scoots on her knees to reach me. My eyes never leave hers as I reach out and finally meet her in the middle. I can see the relief in her eyes when, for the first time in years, I take what she’s been offering me. My arm goes behind her back, my hand lightly digging in when I curl it around her ribs and pull her into my chest.
She cries softly, and at this point, I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve given her this moment or because she’s still scared from my nightmare. Her small hands dig into the skin on my chest and it feels like she is trying to fuse our bodies together. I lean back against the pillows and let her have this time to calm down. After a few minutes of silence, she lifts up, her hands still firmly pressed against my chest, her eyes imploring.
“Em,” I whisper, not sure where to even begin.
She doesn’t even hesitate before reaching up and framing my head between her hands. Her thumbs take a sweep against my cheek before her lips press against mine. Hesitantly at first, unsure if I’m going to push her away, before allowing herself to take what she wants.
I reach out and pull her by her slim hips to straddle my waist, not even caring that there is nothing but my thin boxer briefs separating us. She moans when my erection presses against her core. The heat of her pussy settled against my lap is almost enough for me to come on the spot.
With a growl, I deepen the kiss, taking it to a level of predatory ownership. Our tongues swirl together, her breath mixing with my own and our mouths doing all the talking for us.
In this moment, she owns me. Everything I’ve been denying us both comes to a screeching halt.
I allow myself this moment. I allow her this moment and pray that, when the sun comes up in the morning, she doesn’t hate me for pushing her away again.
Chapter 8—Emmy
When I wake up to Maddox’s screaming and shaking in the bed, my first thought is that I have to be dreaming. Then the events that led up to us being in the same bed come rushing back. It’s been weeks since I’ve allowed myself just a second of rest, so it’s not a shock that, the second I got around the one person who I know deep down would never let harm come to me, I crashed.
The noises that are coming from his throat are tearing me to pieces. I forget the hell that will be waiting for me when I return to Syn and focus on the broken man who needs me now. I just pray that he will let himself take what I so desperately offer him.