The fishmonger holds up his index finger for me to wait while he disappears into a walk-in cooler. The air-conditioning is working overtime, and the whole place is alive with an electric hum. The windows are yellowed with cellophane, giving everything a doleful pall. A few flies buzz near the doorway, but they steer clear of the fish. I wonder if they don’t like the ice. An elderly Chinese woman looks at oyster sauces. We make eye contact and I offer a smile. She is nonplussed.
The man returns with a larger specimen, one that I think will do nicely. I nod and he smiles and wraps it up in waxy paper. When he hands it to me I say, “There’s one more thing I need.”
The fishmonger looks expectantly at me. I nod to what I see behind him. He gestures at some prawns. I shake my head no.
“That.”
He turns around confused, until he sees what I’m pointing to: I want to buy his cleaver. Now he shakes his head. Not with disgust, but almost. Certainly profound disapproval. This is just like Gremlins. I can hear him say, “You do with Mogwai what your society has done with all of nature’s gifts. You do not understand!” But instead of Mogwai I hear octopus. I doubt the octopus is a gift; if it is, it’s a gift I’m hell-bent on returning.
I point again, insistently, and pull a small wad of twenties from my pocket. He looks at the money. After some hesitation, he pries the cleaver free.
When I return from my errand, Lily is sitting in her bed, awake, staring off in the direction of the stove. She doesn’t hear me, but the octopus does. The paper package under my arm rustles as I enter the kitchen and my keys land on the table with a jingling clang. I place the package on the large cutting board by the sink, then pick up the cutting board and the package together and bring them to the table where the octopus can see. I cast a sideways glance back at Lily to make sure he’s watching.
He is.
I fumble for a moment with the string that ties the package. While I often have difficulty with knots, this fumbling is mostly for dramatic effect, mostly so I can produce my new cleaver and bring it down with a thud on the string at the flatter end of the package. I can feel it sink into the cutting board. While I don’t particularly want to sacrifice my good cutting board, the overall effect is without equal, so I can’t help but not care.
We’re leaving here soon anyway.
“What’s in the package?” It’s the octopus talking. Success. I have piqued his interest.
“Oh, you’ll see.”
I carefully undo the bundle and the paper makes an awful, rumpling sound. The smell hits me before I even have the last of it folded open. It hits Lily only a nanosecond afterward, and she rouses from her trance and her sniffer hits the air and she makes her way over to where I am, stopping only when she bumps into my shins. She plays her part perfectly, a stretch limousine to deliver this party’s guest of honor.
“Seriously,” the octopus says. “What’s in the package?”
“You want to know?” I gnash my teeth into the most evil grin. “THIS.”
I unfold the final flap of paper and hoist the dead octopus by its head. Juices drip from its flaccid arms onto the floor.
“Whoa,” the octopus exclaims, and uses one of his arms to shield his eyes. “Is that what I think it is?”
“Yup.”
“That’s barbaric!” The octopus has no sense of irony.
“Yup,” I say again.
“Oh, god, the smell. Who is that, even?”
I don’t know its name; I never thought to ask the fishmonger if it ever had one. I look at the dead octopus, limp and gray. It has only a faded purple hue, like a dying violet. The color is the only thing about it, really, that even suggests there once was life in it.
“Iris,” I answer. I look down at Lily, who is hungrily lapping up octopus drippings from the floor. I always did like naming things after flowers.
“Aw, man. I have an aunt Iris.”
This causes me to cackle wickedly, like one of Shakespeare’s witches. “Probably not anymore!”
When the hurlyburly’s done. When the battle is lost and won.
I push the paper aside and slap the dead octopus down onto the cutting board. It lands with a moist and meaty splat. I pry my cleaver loose and bring it down hard on one of the arms, cutting off a good three inches.
The octopus screams.
Fair is foul and foul is fair: hover through the fog and the filthy air.
I toss the arm piece to Lily and it lands on the floor with a wet slap. Lily finds it almost instantly and gobbles it up with one bite.
“Stop! Stop! Stop! Are you crazy?”
I think about my new mantra. “Not crazy enough!” I pry the cleaver free of the cutting board and bring it down again, trimming a few inches off another arm.
“EGAD!” the octopus gargles with horror. I toss more of the dead octopus to Lily, who seems to be enjoying this as much as I am.
“I’m sorry, is this bothering you?” I ask the octopus, faking concern.
“Of course it’s bothering me! Oh, gah! I can actually taste it through her skull.” The octopus is turning green. “I think I’m going to throw up.”
I shrug. “Be glad it’s only your aunt.”
Cleaver. CHOP. Toss a bite to Lily.
“What do you mean?”