“I’m being weird,” I say.
“We’re waiting for my friend to stop by,” Elise says, trying to save me from myself, I think. Of course, that in no way explains why I am acting like I have never participated in human interactions before. I take a deep breath, because I’d forgotten Heather was coming by too. I cannot take another person witnessing whatever it is I’m about to do to myself.
“Maybe you should meet Heather somewhere else,” I say.
“Oh.”
“Who’s Heather?” Devon says, taking this all as some opportunity to stay involved in the conversation. His voice is too chipper.
“My parents are weird right now, Elise. They might do something embarrassing. I mean, I wouldn’t bring my own dates here. So I don’t want to ruin yours. Tell her we can all hang out a different time, okay? I think it’d be weird if she came here.”
“Tabitha,” she says. My name pinches her mouth and comes out a grumble. Her frown is turning into a line so straight it could be a ruler. Devon clears his throat like we need a reminder he’s there, and holy shit we do need a reminder of that, because I just called Heather Elise’s date in front of a total stranger.
“I’m sorry, I just mean, maybe it’s too weird to—” I try. She’s red-faced and glassy-eyed, like tears are only a few deep breaths away. Between me half outing her to Devon and implying that it’d be weird to have her bring a girl here, I’ve basically become the world’s worst friend in under a minute.
But I feel Zed’s countdown in my bones. As if I’m Captain Hook’s crocodile and there is a ticking clock in my belly. I’ve got to get her out of here so I can focus on my Assignment.
“Anyway, you don’t want me screwing it up for you,” I try. I glare at Devon so that he takes another step back. I do not have to glare for long. He does a one-eighty and slumps back to his table. I am ruining people’s days and their opinions of me left and right, but it will all get way, way worse if I don’t meet my deadline.
“No, yeah, I get it,” Elise says. She raises her eyebrows, widens her eyes a little in a challenge. Shoulders back. Aggressive.
“She’ll like you better if she doesn’t know how close we are.” I’m rambling now. I’m doing that thing where I’m leaning forward and basically packing Elise’s bag for her. No jokes about my cleavage this time, and Devon’s not looking over here anymore anyway. I keep looking toward the door. I know I’m doing it and I know it’s rude and I can feel Elise’s eyes, hot on me like the Tea Cozy fireplace when it’s really roaring.
“I don’t think the problem is with Heather’s opinion of you,” Elise says. She’s practically throwing her books into her tote, and I can see her jaw clenching and her hands shaking with anger. “Heather is super open-minded.”
“No, I know. I’m sorry. I’m trying to help,” I say. I have to get this Assignment over with, since it scares me so much. I told them I’d do it. I read the rules. I joined the site. I am one of them. Elise would get that, if I could tell her everything. Which I obviously can’t. Won’t.
“I said whatever, Tabby,” Elise mumbles.
I’m going to have to fix it later.
“Have fun, okay?” I call out, but she doesn’t turn back on her way out the door.
Cate’s on me as soon as Elise is gone.
“Thank God,” she says. “Your father is AWOL and I need someone to serve drinks. You game?”
I don’t answer. She thrusts a couple of mugs into my hands and points me toward the table that ordered them.
“You’re a doll,” she says, and kisses my cheek before scurrying behind the counter. A few families have come in, and our policy with little kids is to get them out of the café as quickly as possible.
Cate hands over more drinks, and I drop off a green tea and a decaf coffee to some of the little old ladies who like table service, and then I go to get a better look, a few steps closer to the window. There’s the top of Paul’s head, graying red hair and a spiral of smoke sneaking up over his head and disappearing when it hits the sky.
My mind is raw enough right now to push me ahead. If I think about it any more, I might not go through with it, and I have to go through with it.