Zach pulled me back toward the Romantica camp. Back to the fire and the music and the dancing…back to the lies. But Zach was right. It was just their story. So what if they believed in something different than I did? I’d always known about their blasphemous version, but hearing it…well, it changed nothing.
With my anger disappearing like the smoke rising to the stars, I let Zach pull me into the firelight. The little band of musicians struck up a tune that was fast and upbeat, and although I didn’t know any real steps, I was eager to join in.
On the other side of the fire, Jiaza stood with Tico. He raised his new mug of ale, as if in apology for upsetting me. Part of me was tempted to return and apologize myself, but that would mean leaving Zach’s hand and the beat of the music. I wasn’t willing to give that up.
I looked back at Zach, and he was watching me. Half his face cloaked in shadow and the other—amber and gold.
“No time like the present,” Zach said, and before I could ask what he meant, he spun me around and pulled me close, my back against his chest with one arm around my waist. Like this, I could feel the rhythm with which he danced. As quickly as Zach had pulled me in, he pushed me out and twirled me.
My feet stepped in time to the claps, and before I knew it, I was dancing. Perhaps not perfectly or gracefully, but it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was the feeling that came with it. It was pure exhilaration. Right then, all the constricting rules and expectations slid off me. The sweet smoke from the fire filled my hair and tunic, and I was whisked away by its wild scent. And by the wild gleam in Zach’s eyes.
Then the beats changed, and there was a lighthearted shout from the Romantica in unison. Dancers suddenly started trading partners, winding their way around the fire, linking arms and twisting, then letting go and linking again.
A stranger grabbed my arm and pulled me forward. It was all I could do not to stumble. Then a woman grasped my arm, twisted around, and moved past me in a blur. Dancer after dancer took my arms and pulled past me, weaving in and out like a figure eight. Amazingly, I managed to keep up and follow their folk dance. It was exciting, but I was acutely aware of Zach’s absence.
The music changed tempo and the partner-switching stopped. I was left with a young man with curly hair and a crystal earring—the same man from earlier.
He winked at me. “Looks like I get that dance after all, eh, maid?”
Caught up in the atmosphere, I laughed. “Yes, it seems I’ve gotten better.”
Although I didn’t step on his toes, I wasn’t nearly as graceful as I had felt with Zach. As soon as the thought entered my mind, annoyance surfaced for comparing everything to him.
Then I caught sight of Zach, and the irritation escalated. A girl hung on his arm, batting her long lashes.
Distracted, I missed a step and tripped over my own feet. I expected to stumble, even hit the ground, but instead strong arms looped about my waist and twirled me back around.
The man grinned as his hand traveled up the small of my back, then between my shoulder blades. “You were doing so well.”
I tried to inch away, but the pressure on my back increased. I frowned, not liking that look in his eyes. It reminded me of Amias when I was about to bestow a Kiss on him.
But the man merely grinned again. “Up for another dance, maid? I could teach you more.”
“Tempting,” I said, forcing a laugh. “But I should get back to my companions. We have to leave early tomorrow.”
The Romantica raised an eyebrow and looked over my shoulder meaningfully. “Something tells me one of them might be staying up rather late.”
Confused, I followed his gaze.
The Romantica girl had Zach’s cheeks in her hands, his lips pressed to hers.
I watched, the music fading into a muted buzz, as Zach jerked away, his gaze catching mine. Those hazel eyes widened, and his mouth popped open. He took a step forward, but I was already turning away, my hair whipping about and falling down my other shoulder, reminding me of only minutes ago when his fingertips had been in it. This time, I ran.
His footfalls pounded behind me, and I begged my legs to take me farther into the forest, away from the deafening music and suffocating smoke.
He had kissed a girl he’d known less time than me. A girl whose lips created no magic. After all that talk about kisses being special—about Love.
He was a Romantica, and so was she. Maybe that was reason enough. Maybe he truly hated me for what I was and for what I believed in. Maybe that was the real reason he wouldn’t Kiss me. Still, I thought kisses meant more to him than just a passing stranger’s whims.
When had I become someone who struggled with the difference between a kiss and a Kiss?
The thought nearly knocked the wind out of me. The feelings that were tailspinning out of control made no sense to my logically driven mind. Zach could flirt, kiss, or even bed anyone he wanted—it wasn’t for me to judge or dictate. Yet, the fact that he’d so easily kiss another girl, while he wouldn’t Kiss me even to save others—for a much greater purpose—made me so angry and hurt and jealous, I couldn’t see straight.
“Ivy! Please! You don’t understand!” His voice called to me through the crashing of bushes and slashing of branches.
“Don’t come near me!”
An arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me to him, and I swiveled around, pushing hard against his chest. He stumbled back, raising his hands as if in innocence. But he was far from it.
“What you saw—”
My hands curled into fists. “Save it. You don’t have to explain anything to me.”
“Ivy, I didn’t kiss her!”
“Really, so what was that? Wiping a crumb off her lips with yours?” Anger made my voice shake, but in my times of being furious with Zach, the feelings here were different.
At this point I couldn’t face them.
“She kissed me!”
I raked my hands through my wild hair, pushing it away from my face. “I’ve tried to Kiss you, Zach. And every time, you’ve stopped me.”
Zach glanced away.
“And now the prince stays quiet. You’ll kiss some stranger, but you won’t Kiss me, your partner…to save people. But you know what? It’s fine.”
I turned to go again, but Zach gripped my wrist. “It meant nothing. It was just one kiss.”
That stung worse than anything he could’ve said. “You think that makes it better? Zach, our Kisses are to save people, to keep us alive to kill more monsters. Don’t you get it? You’d rather kiss her when it means nothing than—I mean, am I so detestable to you that—?” I forced myself to stop before the tears came in full force.
I dropped my gaze to the dark forest floor, unable to look at him.
There it was. The real crux of it. Maybe what I feared the most. That he didn’t like me. At all. Maybe I’d been reading the signs between us wrong—after all, I’d had no real experience with Lust of my own—but I’d thought at least there’d been some attraction there. But when he’d kiss another girl so easily…
I reached up and tugged at the roots of my hair, my head spinning with poisonous thoughts. Merciful Sisters, I hate this. I hate feeling pathetic. Like a failure. Usually it’s only my mother who makes me feel like this. The tears suddenly went away, replaced by anger. I wouldn’t let a man cripple me this way—it was enough that my mother did.
When I looked back up, Zach was staring at me, real pain in his eyes, as if I’d stabbed him with his own dagger. “No. No, Ivy, how could you think that?”
I hugged my arms. “You haven’t given me a reason not to.”
“I was distracted… She caught me off guard.”
My laugh was bitter. “Troll’s breath, Zachariah, what in the Fields of Galliore could have distracted you so much?”
He opened his mouth then closed it.
Nothing. No excuse to give.
We stood like that for a long time, with only starlight raining down on us. We were in one of the clearings, free from towering branches that obscured the sky. I’d wanted to see the stars, but now, after this, the view would seem tainted.
Dancing, laughing, only minutes ago. What was wrong with the two of us? Why couldn’t we get along? Like real partners?