“Uh, no.”
“Then my job here is done. If you don’t see anything that even remotely looks like something you’d consider your eternal paradise, I really can’t help. And I’m sorry, but that’s just how it goes.”
“But you can help me. Don’t forget why I’m supposedly here. To win your heart, remember?”
Her stomach sank again. “Well, that’s not happening.” Not even to keep Hell’s minions at bay. Not even. That was a game she just couldn’t play.
“Again, maybe not literally, but we can shoot for the figurative. We’ll just pretend.”
Which was probably about as close to a committed relationship as she was getting. “So play house?”
“That’s right. Look, Delaney, I’m being watched. I’ve been here a whole day and my level boss has already sent in someone to check up on me. I have to, for all outward appearances, make like we’re—we’re—you know . . .”
“Hooking up.”
Clyde’s brow furrowed again. “Yeah. That. Besides, I have nowhere else to go.”
“And this benefits me how, Clyde? I’m not seeing what I’ll be getting out of this but another body taking up my limited space.”
“I’ll look out for you.”
Delaney barked a skeptical laugh then covered her mouth with her hand. She didn’t want to openly debase his manhood, but hellloooo—he had been secured in duct tape by a woman who hated to even chip a nail. “Look out for me? How do you suppose you’re going to do that? With your one fireball? You’re a one-trick pony, my friend.”
“Maybe. But might I point out, it was just me who spotted the demon, wasn’t it? Before you, all knowing and all seeing, I might add,” he volleyed back.
“Smug much? Yes, you spotted the demon, but like I said, my radar’s all wonky. I was distracted. It’ll get better if you go away.”
“I just can’t do that. I know my motives aren’t totally altruistic. I do have an investment in this, like covering my own ass, but I don’t want anyone hurt while I do it. You need someone to look out for you, and maybe I’m not exactly the best demon, but that should just prove to you that I shouldn’t be a demon to begin with. Now that I’ve told you everything, I can’t just leave you all alone to fend off demons who’re much bigger than I’ll ever be. So how about we strike up a deal? You let me stay here, and I’ll keep whoever my level boss sends in to check up on me from getting to you until we can figure out what to do.”
“Why can’t you just go back to wherever it is you go when you disappear?”
Clyde gave her another grim glance. “Do you have any idea what that place is like? It’s just a prettier version of Hell. Lots and lots of doomed souls wandering around, crying, bemoaning their fates, and wringing their hands. Best I can figure is it’s some sort of holding room—or plane, as you call it—for those who’ve led questionable lives. Very depressing. You don’t want me to be depressed, do you?” He flashed her a grin—one that made her pulse jump. “Aren’t you all about spiritual wellness? My spirit would be sucking wind in that place. And besides, for some reason, I couldn’t keep myself there—I kept ending up back here.” He pointed to the ground by his bare feet.
Crazy that. But she’d had enough. Clyde couldn’t help her, and while she understood his dilemma, she still wasn’t sure he was righteous. So no go. Sticking her hand in her pocket, she whipped out the prism, swishing it in the air. “I know I promised, but . . . you do know you made me do this, don’t you?”
“Christ!” he shouted, his hands going to his eyes, rubbing them. “Would you cut me some slack?”
Delaney popped up off the chair when his human form began to shimmer. “No slack. ’Bye, Clyde.” She waved the prism once more, watching his broad chest become transparent, and then he faded completely.
She stooped to pick up the throw and had a moment’s remorse. Now Clyde was off on some plane that was a prettier version of Hell—naked.
Way to cheer up the tortured souls.