She sighed, glanced at him in the deepening dark. “They’re not going to let you build anything that runs on chi, Kin.”
“No, we can do it without combustion. I can set up the ’thrower feeders so they’re hand-cranked. They’ll be slower to fire, but it’s gas pressure that does most of the work.” Excitement in his gut, voice running quicker at the thought of building, of creating something again. “I can see it in my head. I was talking about it with Ayane and—”
“Ayane?” Yukiko frowned. “When did you talk to her?”
He blinked, confused. “This afternoon. In the prison.”
“Kin, you shouldn’t do that. The Kagé don’t trust it … I mean ‘her.’ If you spend time with her, they’re not going to trust you either.”
“You heard Atsushi and Isao at the pit trap this morning.” He tried to keep the bitterness from his voice. “None of them trust me anyway.”
“All the more reason to stay away from her.”
“She came all this way to find us. Do you realize what she’s given up to be here?”
“I don’t care what—”
“She’s alone, Yukiko. For the first time since her Awakening, she’s unplugged from the mechabacus. She can’t hear the voice of the Guild anymore, can’t feel them inside her head. Imagine spending years by the hearth of an Upside bedhouse. Everything is light and voices and song. And then one day you get thrown into the dark. You’ve never even seen night before. Never felt cold. But now it’s everywhere. That’s what she’s feeling right now, locked in that cell. That’s what she chose when she decided to come here.”
“We don’t know she chose anything. They could have sent her here, Kin—”
“Did you know every female born in the Guild becomes a False-Lifer?” He felt anger creeping into his voice, turning it hard and ugly and cold. “They don’t get a say in what they want to be. Don’t get to decide who they’re paired with, or when it’s time to breed. They don’t even get to meet the father of their children. Just another False-Lifer with an inseminator tube and a bottle of lubricant.”
“Gods, Kin—”
“So don’t shit on the choices she’s made, Yukiko.” He snatched his hand from hers. “It’s the first thing she’s decided for herself in her entire life. Not everyone gets a thunder tiger to help them out of their mistakes, you know. Some people risk everything they have alone.”
“Kin, I’m sorry…”
He climbed to his feet, and she lurched up after him, knocking the saké bottle onto its side. Rose-colored liquid spilled from the neck, soaking the boards at their feet. Kin turned to leave but she grabbed his hand again, pulled him around to face her.
“Don’t leave like this. Please.”
She was standing just inches away, fingers entwined in his own, lips parted ever so slightly. The world swayed beneath his feet, heart pounding against his ribs like a steamhammer. He was conscious of nothing in the world except her. The scent of her hair entwined in liquor perfume. Her skin radiating the warmth of a kiln, melting his insides. His mouth was suddenly dry, palms soaked. And though he tried, he felt as though he would never catch his breath again.
“Don’t be angry with me, Kin.” She inched closer. “I don’t want to fight with you.”
“What do you want from me, Yukiko?”
“It might be weeks before we see each other again.” Her eyes searched his face, lingered on his lips. “But we have an hour or so until Buruu comes back…”
She pressed against him, hands parting the cloth on his chest, trailing along his skin, white hot. He glanced at the spilled liquor around their feet, the tide of blood staining her cheeks and lips the color of roses.
“Kiss me,” she breathed.
She stood on tiptoes, arms slipping around his neck, mouth drifting toward his.
“Kiss me…”
She was like gravity, pulling him closer, heavy as the earth beneath him. No noise. No light. Only motion, only the pull of her, down, down to a place he wanted so badly he could taste it, feel it singing inside his chest. A place he would kill for. A place he could happily die inside.
But not like this.
Not like this.
“No.” He took hold of her shoulders, eased her away. “No.”
“Kin—”
“This isn’t you, Yukiko.”
“Not me?” she frowned. “Who am I then?”
“I’m not sure I know.” He gestured to the saké bottle on the floor. “Perhaps you find out when you get to the bottom?”
She remained herself for just a tiny moment longer, plain behind her eyes, wounded and sad and desperately alone. The girl he loved. The girl he would do anything for. And then she was gone. Wiped away in a rush of heat, pupils flashing, leaving the rage behind. The stranger who lived inside her skin. What had Ayane called her?
“The girl all Guildsmen fear.”