Frisha’s face flushed. “Uh, sh-should I give you some privacy?”
His slack jaw and furrowed brow expressed utter confusion. Then, he laughed and shook his head. “It means to think through or figure out something.”
Frisha huffed, her face heating again. “That is a ridiculous word. Why did you not say that in the first place?”
Tieran picked up the book that lay open on the desk, turning it so she could see the title. The Inviolable Mind: A Guide to Tactical Supremacy. “I read it in here,” he said. “I have been lax in preparing for my duties and am now making up for lost time. Do I sound more astute?”
“It makes you sound pompous.”
“Ah, we do not want that.” His gaze traveled over her, and she shifted uncomfortably. He said, “Are you rested?”
She smiled. “I think I slept too much, but I do feel the better for it.”
He nodded. “Shall we walk, then? Perhaps the garden will be a welcomed respite after so many weeks at sea.”
“That sounds pleasant,” she said.
They spoke of his struggles and the decisions he had made while she was away, and she told him the story of their voyage as they strolled along their usual routes through the gardens. The plants had grown much in her absence. Tieran had even cultivated his own plot that had all the herbs Frisha’s mother had grown at home. She asked if he would not mind sitting there for a while as she enjoyed the familiar scents.
“There is something I need to tell you,” said Tieran, “and you are not going to like it.”
She laid a hand on his where it rested on the bench. “Please, I cannot take any more bad news right now. Can it wait?”
“I think you will be angry with me for not telling you sooner.”
“Is there anything I can do about it?”
He swallowed hard as he met her gaze. “No, there may be nothing to be done about it.”
She glanced at the garden. “Then Rezkin will fix it.”
Tieran looked away. He said, “I wish I could fix it. I feel so inadequate at times.”
“It’s not your fault, Tieran. Rezkin was trained for this. It is his life’s purpose.” She met his gaze and said, “You have a different purpose.”
He laughed. “I wish I knew what that was.”
“And I, mine,” said Frisha. “Perhaps that is why he has such clarity. He knows exactly what he is supposed to be doing.”
“I think he has no idea what he is doing. He just makes it up as he goes.”
Her brow furrowed. “Considering who he is, that is even more frightening.”
They sat in silence for a while. Questions hung in the air like a thick blanket—all the subjects they had not yet broached. Finally, she said, “I called off the betrothal.”
He appeared uncomfortable but not surprised. He said, “I suppose having your betrothed marry another woman would give one pause.”
She shook her head. “No, before that. Sometimes I wonder if he would have accepted her deal if I had not. Still, I would not change my decision. He is not the man I thought him to be. I think I have accepted who he is, for his sake and that of the kingdom, but he is not the man I wish to marry.”
“You would be empress,” said Tieran.
“But I would not be loved.”
Tieran looked surprised. “You think he does not love you?”
“He said as much.”
He was silent for a while as he appeared to struggle with something. He said, “I think he does, but he is not aware of it. I think he does not know what love is because he has never been given any. At least, not before he met us.”
“I have considered that many times,” she said. “While we were gone, I learned things about him—things I cannot forget.”
“More than what Connovan revealed?”
She nodded. “I have tried to connect it with what I thought I knew of him, and I cannot. I think he is truly different people—or no one, as Connovan said. I realized that I only love a part of him, and I do not think it is the biggest part. Who he truly is, in every aspect—I do not love that man.”
She looked up to find Tieran staring at her. He pulled a kerchief from his pocket then reached over and gently wiped the paint from her lips.
He said, “You do not need it.” He took a deep breath and met her gaze. “I did not notice at first. I was so wrapped up in myself—in the usual customs—that I could not see the natural beauty before me. I have struggled for some time now. I am dedicated to my cousin, and I will remain loyal to him, always; but, he does not deserve you. He showed me that you are driven and brave, that you are honest and trustworthy; but, I see something he does not. You are passionate and deeply romantic. You offer your heart to people and plead with them to do the same.
“Rezkin opened my eyes to who I was and who I should be, but you opened my heart. I was distraught when you disappeared. I even thought to take a ship and go after you, but everyone assured me that you were safe with Rezkin. The truth is, you have never been safe with him. Your heart is open and bleeding, and he does not see. I am no longer the man I was when we first met. I hope that you can learn to see me as the man I am struggling to become.”
Frisha was struck speechless. She wondered if she were truly still asleep in her room. Perhaps she had not yet left the ship. The herbal scents were real, though. She reached up to touch his face. He was real. He lifted his hand to grasp hers and then pressed a kiss to her fingertips. Then, he moved closer, and she did not move away. She asked herself why she was not moving, then realized she wanted to be close to him.
“I don’t understand,” she said. “You were so upset when I told you I was having doubts about Rezkin. You were pushing me to stay with him.”
He held his hand to her face as he stroked her cheek. “I was angry but not with you. I loved you even then, but I am loyal to Rezkin. I was wracked with guilt for wanting you, but I feared what would happen if you left him.”
“What would that be?”
“This,” he said as he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.
Her belly fluttered, and her skin flushed with heat as a thrill surged through her from deep within. She wanted him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her breasts to his chest and kissed him with the passion she had kept bottled up for so long. They stayed like that, locked in each other’s arms for an eternity wrapped in a few short minutes. Tieran eventually pulled her arms from his neck and backed away. She made to follow, but he pressed his fingers to her lips, stalling her, then trailed them along her jaw to rest his palm on her neck. She knew he could feel her wildly beating pulse, but she felt no shame in it. They were both breathing heavily.
He said, “We must stop, or I will dare go too far. I do not want that for you.”
Frisha’s heart sank, and it must have shown on her face.
He shook his head. “Do not get me wrong. I want to, but I want this to be right between us. I wish to court you properly in hopes that, someday, you might do me the honor of becoming my wife.”
Frisha struggled to find words, and then a terrible thought struck her. She said, “Rezkin.”
Tieran’s face scrunched in pain. “That is not what I had hoped to hear.”
“No! I mean, what if he does not approve?” She shook her head vigorously. “I have seen him angry. I do not want that directed at you.”
Tieran exhaled in a rush. “I have considered that more than is good for my sanity. In truth, I am petrified, for I may not survive the encounter. You are worth it, though. I would face an army of elven wraiths to keep you at my side.”