She still didn’t answer. Eventually, he went away.
Sleep brought no comfort. She had disturbing dreams but none she could remember. All she was left with was the feeling of alarm and danger. She was so tired. She wondered if a person could sleep themselves into death.
The little dokkaebi was worried about her. He would scratch at her door incessantly until a female attendant would let him in. He would fetch Kira all sorts of treats like berries, nuts, pears, and cherries.
She ate nothing.
What she wanted nobody could ever give her.
“Gom,” she said, her voice raspy. “Go watch over the prince and don’t leave his side until I tell you to.”
Gom gave her a reproachful look but did as she commanded. The silence lasted another hour.
There was another knock on her door.
She ignored it. More knocking. The door slid open and someone entered.
Kira closed her eyes against the intrusion. She felt someone sit next to her.
“I’m so sorry for what was done to you. Can you ever forgive me?”
It was Shin Bo Hyun.
Rage swept through her. How dare he come into her room? How dare he try and talk to her? He had no right to be there. It was all his fault. If he hadn’t come back, she would never have lost her tiger spirit. Kira threw off her covers and stood up. She had to get away from him before she did something she would regret. Before she could walk away, Shin rose onto his knees and embraced her waist, pressing his face against her stomach. Her rage spiraled out of control and she began to tear herself away, but then she felt the wetness of his tears. They seeped into her jacket. Shin Bo Hyun crying? She was shocked. Her anger dissipated, leaving her exhausted and numb.
Kira placed a tentative hand on his head, caressing his soft, short hair. His arms tightened around her, as his shoulders shook with grief.
When he was finally calm, he rose to his feet, wiping his eyes on his sleeves.
“Kang Kira, my emotions are overwhelmed. Once again because of me you have suffered a grievous harm. The right thing to do would be to stay as far away from you as possible. And yet, I find that an impossibility,” he said, “for my feelings for you have not changed.”
He rubbed his knuckles down her scarred cheek and looked deep within her eyes. “No, that’s not true. They have changed. They’ve become stronger than I could have ever known. I have loved you since I was eight years old. Time will not change this. And all I’ve ever wanted is to be by your side for the rest of my life.”
Kira stared in amazement.
He pulled her into his embrace again. “I want to take care of you. I want you to enjoy life, not constantly worry about battling the enemy. I want to take you away from all of this so you can stop worrying about the prince and start to think about yourself. Think of a future. Come with me. Be with me. Let your brothers worry about this war. Let me worry about you from now on.”
His words seduced her. They were exactly what she wanted to hear at that very moment. To lose all of her burdens and disappear. Mesmerized by his words, she stared at his mouth. He lowered his face and kissed her with firm lips that demanded a response. It was a kiss completely different from the ones with Jaewon. It was strong and confident and electric. But wrong. So wrong. Kira pushed him away and crossed her arms over her chest, willing her heart to calm itself.
“I’d like to be alone now, please,” she said, not looking at him.
After a pause, he dropped a kiss on the top of her head and headed for the door. As he slid the door open, he turned around again. A small wrapped parcel in a wooden bowl was in his hands, and he brought it to her.
“Someone must have left this for you,” he said. After one last lingering look, he exited the room.
Kira took the parcel out of the bowl and unwrapped it. Inside, she found a tiny wood carving of a beautiful tiger bleached white with black stripes. She knew immediately it was from Jaewon. He must have come while she was with Shin. She wondered how much he’d overheard, and how hurt he must feel. Too emotionally exhausted by her own feelings, Kira lay down on her bed. Holding the little tiger tight in her hands, she fell into a deep, uneasy sleep.
17
The next day Kwan returned with Kyoung and a squadron of soldiers. The rest of the Iron Army would arrive in the following week, but Kyoung had come early with Kwan to comfort Kira.
Seeing Kyoung again reminded her of the pain of her loss. She spent the morning weeping in her oldest brother’s arms.
Kyoung didn’t say much, but having his comforting presence there was a balm to Kira’s broken soul. Her brothers spent half the day sitting with her in her room, forcing her to eat.