“Nothing. All I said was that I needed to talk to an expert.”
“You didn’t tell any of your friends, did you?”
“No.”
“You swear?” Jake’s fears started to run away with him. “You didn’t tell anybody on the team, or this girl you’re supposed to go out with?”
“No, Dad, I swear, I didn’t, I only emailed the lawyer and he emailed back.”
“What were you thinking?” Jake reached for Ryan’s arm. “Don’t you realize how serious this is? You can’t tell anybody what happened! You can’t play games with this!”
“I’m not playing games. I want to see if there’s another way—”
“You can lose your whole life over this, Ryan. I’m not going to let that happen, and we’re not going to see any lawyer.”
Ryan pursed his lips. “Dad, I want to see a lawyer. All I did was write an email.”
“Show it to me.”
“Here.” Ryan grabbed his laptop, hit a button, and swiveled it around, and Jake read the lawyer’s response, which came up first:
Dear Mr. Kane, I am available for a confidential consultation entirely free of charge, anytime this evening starting at seven o’clock. I look forward to hearing from you. Sincerely, Morris
Jake read down to see Ryan’s email. He felt himself losing control of the situation, which terrified him.
Dear Sir, I have a confidential question about a DUI law. Are you available tonight? Sincerely, John Kane
Jake looked up, stricken. “Who is this lawyer? Where is his office?”
“Westtown, but he could meet us wherever we wanted. It doesn’t have to be his office. I bet it could even be in a car.”
“Ryan, this guy can put two and two together. If he gets an email like that and he’s in Westtown, he’ll know there was a hit-and-run sometime last night, and that you’re probably—”
“Dad, don’t be mad, please, don’t be mad.” Ryan’s brow furrowed deeply under his messy hair. “I’m just trying to do the right thing.”
“I’m not mad at you, I’m worried for you. Worried sick.”
“But I would feel better if I knew it was the only thing left to do, like, we really tried to see if we could do the right thing, but we just couldn’t, in the end.” Ryan’s voice turned pleading, his eyebrows sloping down plaintively. “I’m just trying to deal with it, and if the lawyer says this is the right thing, the only way, then I think I would feel better.”
“You’re being na?ve, son. You don’t know how bad this can get, and I’ll be damned if I’ll put your life into the hands of some second-rate DUI lawyer.”
“He went to Yale.”
“He’s a stranger. He doesn’t know you or care about you, or love you like I do.” Jake had to get Ryan in control. “We already decided. There’s no going back. What’s done is done. It’s done.”
“Can’t we just go, to make sure? For me?”
Suddenly, there was a commotion in the hallway, and Moose burst through the door, bounded into the room, and jumped on the bed, landing in the middle of Ryan’s worksheets and knocking into the laptop.
“No, buddy!” Jake faked a laugh, grabbing the dog by the collar.
“Whoa, Moosie!” Ryan moved the laptop out of harm’s way and closed the lawyer email.
“What are you two up to?” Pam entered the room, puzzled. “Jake, I called you twice. Your eggs are ready.”
“Sorry, babe. We’ve been solving a mystery. You were right. He had the cheese nachos.”
“I knew it!” Pam smiled in triumph, then looked at Ryan. “Honey, nachos in a movie theater? Really?”
“Sorry, Mom,” Ryan said, with a sigh.
Chapter Ten
Jake climbed into the passenger seat next to Pam, for the trip to pick up the rental car. He’d changed his clothes and eaten, only so Pam wouldn’t get suspicious. It had taken everything in him to swallow each bite, because he’d felt so terrible, thinking about Kathleen. His gaze strayed to the metal shelves along the garage wall and the white jugs of Roundup weed killer that hid the nondescript brown bag with his parka, covered with Kathleen’s blood. The lifeblood of a young girl was on his hands.
“You and Ryan looked like you were having quite the bonding session.” Pam set her purse on the console, disengaged the emergency brake, and twisted the key in the ignition.
“We were just talking.” Jake tore his gaze away from the hidden parka, for fear of tipping off his wife. He tried to put on a calm expression but he couldn’t. He’d known Ryan would be devastated when he heard about Kathleen, but he hadn’t foreseen that his son would start contacting random DUI lawyers. Jake hated leaving him alone, not knowing what his son would do next.
“What were you guys talking about?” Pam glanced behind her before she put the car into reverse. She drove a black Mercedes SUV, which had a camera in the dashboard that showed a full view behind the car, but she never trusted it. She wasn’t the kind of woman who delegated the important things in life. She wouldn’t have made any of the decisions he’d made. She never would have let Ryan drive. She never would have left the scene. She believed in the law, in what was right and moral. So did Jake, but that was Before. Now, in the After, he was a hypocrite. He turned to the window, instinctively hiding his face, ashamed of himself.
“Jake?” Pam asked. “Did you hear me?”
“I’m sorry.” Jake had let his thoughts get away from him. “We talked about how he was feeling, like that.”
“He seems kind of upset, don’t you think?”
“Throwing up will do that to you.”
“But it’s more than that.” Pam frowned as she put the car in forward gear and gave it some gas. She steered down the street, flipping down her visor against the glare of the cloudy sky. “It could be the playoffs, you know. There’s a lot of pressure on him. His job is to make a three, and he knows that Coach Marsh and Dr. Dave count on him.”
“I think I know what’s on his mind, and it’s not the playoffs.” Jake suppressed a twinge of annoyance. Coach Marsh ran the basketball program at school, and Dr. Dave Tolliver was Ryan’s shooting coach, a parent volunteer on the team whose son had graduated a while ago. Jake felt that both men had too much influence over Ryan’s life, or maybe he was just jealous that they saw him so much.
“What do you think it is?” Pam glanced over, her blue eyes frank. They drove through their development, where neighbors were unpacking groceries, heavy bags of salt, and new Backsaver snow shovels from their SUVs, their hatchbacks open like so many gaping maws.
“I think it’s about that girl. This is only a guess, but I think he was supposed to go out with her tonight. He was just starting to tell me when you came in, this morning.”
“Damn!” Pam hit the steering wheel with her palm. “I wonder who she is.”
“I’m not sure, but I think he asked her out on a date.”
“My God, that would be his first real date! Our baby’s growing up.” Pam puckered her lower lip, mock comically, but Jake knew she wasn’t kidding. He’d inadvertently stumbled onto a good way to change the subject.
“We’re going to have to cut the cord sometime.”
“I know, I know.” Pam let her voice trail off. “I don’t know what I’m going to do when he goes to college.”
“What am I, chopped liver?” Jake managed a smile.
“You know it’s nothing against you, right? It’s just that as a mother, it’s hard to let him go.”
“I understand,” Jake said, meaning it.
“Cheryl and Jamie say the same thing, we all do. If you have a great kid, it’s hard to let them go. The world is a dangerous, dangerous place. Anything can happen.”
“I know.” Jake was thinking of Kathleen, with a new wave of guilt. He turned toward the window, again.
“I mean, it’s not easy being an empty-nester. Jamie’s already on antidepressants. It’s just sad. It’s a loss. I know you feel the same way, honey.”
“I do.” Jake knew she said it out of a sense of parity. “Anyway, as far as this alleged date goes, I got the impression that something about it bummed him out.”
“What?”