It was obvious. Ky now believed my Styx, my River—his best friend, his brother—was dead.
No one talked; brothers and sisters alike barely moved. A pall of silence hung heavily in the room as each brother contemplated the inevitable. The large Harley Davidson clock above the bar ticked loudly, telling us all that time was running out for Styx. The Hangmen sat on couches and chairs around the room and they all stared at the floor… waiting, just waiting. All any of us could do was wait.
Ky walked toward me and Beauty gave up her seat. She walked across the room to sit on Tank’s lap and she pressed her lips to his as they shared a gentle embrace. I envied Beauty at that moment. I watched her lovingly caress Tank’s cheeks, press her lips against his head. And there was Tank, holding Beauty as if she were the only woman in existence. I realized this is how a couple in love should be with each other. Would I ever get to be like that with Styx? Perhaps… perhaps not.
The brown leather couch sagged as Ky sat down beside me and I picked up my clenched-with-worry hand and gripped it in his; his hand was equally tense.
I lifted my head. Ky looked straight at me and blurted, “I kept you apart.”
Startled by his confession, I could only muster a weak frown. Ky squirmed in his seat, his blue eyes darting around the brothers to check they were not listening, before landing back on me.
“I told him you weren’t right for him. When you arrived. I told him he was selfish for wanting you. Told him you weren’t cut out for this life. Told him to stick with Lois and let you go.” Ky shook his head slowly as if in contrition. “I’ve been such a fuckin’ dick to him.”
“Why?” I swallowed hard, feeling the pain of his betrayal circling in my stomach. “Why would say such a thing?”
“He’s my family, my brother, and I pushed away his one chance at happiness for the sake of the club. Fuck. I railroaded him. He already gets enough shit with his speech. I thought taking on a brainwashed ex-cult bitch weren’t gonna help his rep. Gotta be a certain kinda woman to be with a brother, never mind the fuckin’ Prez. Was convinced you weren’t it. Styx asked Rider to watch out for you… reluctantly.” Ky’s head dropped, chin touching chest, as he stared at the floor.
“I could see it killed him, letting you go.” Ky lifted his hand and my hand to press against his forehead. “He would’ve owned you from the beginning if it weren’t for me. All I can think of is what if he don’t make it? What if he don’t come back? Then, fuck…” He sighed heavily, eying me in sorrow.
“He just got you, after fuckin’ years of waiting. He talked about you all the fuckin’ time, the bitch with the wolf eyes. Even searched for the fence for years. He’d drag me with him. We’d scope the forests all around Austin for hours. He only stopped searching when we went to war with the Mexicans. He’d about given up hope. His old man wouldn’t tell him where the drop site was, no matter how much he asked. Honestly, the places we dumped stiffs changed so much, I don’t think his old man could even remember. Then his old man went to Hades and that was it. Zero chance of finding you. “
My heart ached so much. Styx had been looking for me for years? He had been driven to see me again, to come back to the little broken girl he had briefly met one summer’s night? Dear Lord, I may never ever see him or feel his touch again. I did not feel I could cope with this pain in my heart.
“Mae?” Ky prompted quietly.
I took a deep breath. “You had your reasons for keeping us apart. You are a good friend. I can see he loves you very much.”
Ky’s blue eyes widened as he whispered, “Fuck, bitch! Rip my balls off. Rim my ass. Don’t just forgive this shit. You would’ve been with him all this time if it weren’t for me. Fuck! Lois probably wouldn’t have died either!”
I did not give a response. I could not. I was numb, silently terrified that Styx was dead. Someone else I cared about dead.
The long creak of a floorboard groaned behind us and I glanced over my shoulder to see Rider enter the room. His tired face broadcast confusion as we all sat motionless and in total silence. Then as the realization for our silence dawned, Rider’s face lost all color. It was all he could do to flop down on a barstool. Despite his differences with Styx, Rider seemed genuinely devastated by the apparent news.
As our eyes met, Rider’s expression slowly changed from shock to sympathy, and he mouthed, “I’m sorry.” This only served to rip my heart apart even further. They were both such good men. Both held a special place in my heart.
The clock ticked slowly, very slowly.
After fifty endless minutes of waiting, the mood in the lounge changed from that of vain hope to one of resolved certainty.
Ky reluctantly released my hand, my fingers feeling numb from holding his so tightly. Ky stood, the Hangmen, Beauty, Letti, and I watched him with bated breath. Tiff and Jules hovered in the cover of the doorway, eavesdropping on their lover.
“Brothers,” he began with a quiet, strained voice. “I—” Ky’s voice cut off as a distant growl of an engine sounded outside. Ky’s eyes sought mine before he sprinted for the exit. There was such a clamber of bodies jumping to their feet. The brothers were like a herd of buffaloes as they stampeded for the door.
Much to my great annoyance, my legs could not move no matter how much I willed them to. Beauty grabbed my hand, pulling me from my seat. That was all it took; my muscles jump-started, my mind hopeful and I sprinted out of the door and across the yard to the compound’s closed metal gate.
A single headlight approached and my heart jumped to my throat. I closed my eyes and prayed, Dear Lord, please let this be Styx. Please let this be Styx.
The roar of the engine grew louder and my eyes snapped open. Under the glare of the compound’s lights, a bike came into view. The rider? It was too dark to make out who…
No… I could hardly believe my eyes.