Fuckin’ chaos.
As I searched around the yard, Mae was nowhere to be seen. Rider stood beside Smiler, the two of them cutting a fuckin’ miserable picture, all long hair and sullen expressions. But Rider’s attention was fixed firmly behind me, his eyebrows drawn and his teeth worrying his bottom lip. Only knew one thing to make him act like that of late. Or one person, should I say.
Turning my head, I froze when a flow of long black hair whipped in the wind ’round the side of the garage wall. A second later, Mae’s blue eyes peeped around the corner, that small sweet smile on her pink lips.
She’d listened to me play… again.
But she didn’t want me to know she was there.
Leaning forward, I saw Mae’s full face come into view. Her small smile froze when she realized she’d been caught.
As she braced to run, I jerked my chin, ordering her to come to me. Her chest rose high in her skintight, floor-length black dress and perfectly fitted leather jacket. Beauty had kitted her out good. With a deep breath, Mae reluctantly, cautiously, came to me.
She stood awkwardly at my side, playing with her hands and her eyes were lowered in nerves. Christ, she was stunning—all small in height, perfect tight figure, long black hair, and those huge red lips and crystal-blue eyes…
No. Fuckin’. Flaws.
Making sure no one was in earshot, I tapped the bale. Mae, flicking her eyes in Rider’s direction, sagged her shoulders and dropped down onto the bale next to me. She sighed a defeated sigh.
We sat in silence for a while, Mae looking out into the trees, me pretty much looking up at her. I was trying to plan how I could make up for being such a prick with Dyson. My jaw had locked, my throat clenched tight. I tried to calm, but shit, I was fuckin’ slammed by nerves.
With a heaving sigh, Mae flickered her eyes to me, then back to the fire. Then she broke the awkward tension.
“The service today was beautiful, Styx. I have not seen a funeral like that before, the words by the pastor, so considerate of who Lois was. You did well informing him about all her good attributes. I think I would have liked to have known her better.”
I could only nod. I weren’t even thinking ’bout Lois right now as cold as that sounded. It was all Mae. Mae next to me. Mae looking hot as all hell.
“When people died in commune, they were anointed with oil and buried, no ceremony. We believed they were with the Lord, so no grieving was necessary. But I believe Lois would have been happy if she could have seen her service. She was honored properly, as every human being should be.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, savoring the fact she was done giving me the cold shoulder. Nodding, I reached up and ran my finger along her pale hand. She stilled and watched the action, her eyes fluttering to meet mine.
“I-I f-fucked up, Mae. Real b-bad.”
Her sharp inhale of breath made me look up. Her blue eyes glistened, fixed back on the fire, her lips tight and white.
“Mae, l-look at m-me.”
Subtly wiping the tears from under her eyes, she did as I asked.
“I fucked up.”
Mae took in another deep breath and pressed her fingers to my lips. “Your speech is better.”
Rearing back in shock, I asked, “Is it?”
“Mm-hmm. You sound less… strained. Your eyes do not twitch as much and your words come quicker.”
Raking back my dark hair, my other hand still flush with hers, I smirked. “M-missed talking to you. Missed h-having you watching me. Maybe th-that’s why.”
A blush raced up her pale skin and she whispered, “I have missed you too.” She sighed. “Very much. I feel like all I do is miss you: as a child after our first meeting, when you went on your run for a month… when you took another woman instead of me…”
“I f-fucked up, Mae. I r-really f-fucked up,” I said again.
Her hand squeezed mine and she whispered, “You hurt me. I am so tired of being hurt by men.”
Shifting closer, I smoothed back her heavy curtain of hair and brought her hand to my lips. I carefully kissed the back. “You f-forgive me, babe?”
Closing her eyes, she laid her head on my shoulder. Christ, did it feel right.
“I forgive you. I shall always forgive you.”
“Babe,” I whispered. My heart pounded against my ribs. “I n-never touched D-Dyson. She put on a show, but I c-couldn’t do it. I-I was dr-drunk off my ass, and I—”
“I know. Beauty and Letti explained it to me,” Mae interrupted.
“Mae. That n-night…” I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. “The s-scars…” Her eyes were huge and so fuckin’ blue. I was making her nervous. “I d-didn’t know how to d-deal. I felt like a… a… r-rapist, p-pouncing on you like I did. Lois dead. You were n-nearly killed. I weren’t d-dealin’ with shit like a Prez shoulda.”
Rubbing my hand along my throat, I said, “I-I just g-got you. I t-tried to stay away, do the right thing. B-because I ain’t no good for you. But fuck, I want you so b-bad I feel like I-I c-can’t breathe. Can’t p-push you away n-no more. Need to have you c-close.”
We stayed silent for a fuckin’ age before Mae spoke, her hand gripping mine tightly. “I was eight when I met you that day, you know.”
I jerked in shock. We hadn’t talked much about the past. Shit, we hadn’t talked much about anything. My fault for pushing her away. Knew she’d escaped some cult behind that fence. Didn’t know why or how, but I could guess it was bad by the way she never brought it up… and those fuckin’ rape scars…
Mae stared unseeing into the fire, then slipped slowly to the ground beside me. She leaned back against the bale. I pulled her closer between my legs, her back right to my chest. I had a feeling she’d need me for this shit.
She was breathing so hard, so I rolled back her long black hair and kissed up the side of her neck. She trembled in my arms, then a long exhale seemed to calm her right down.