The White Queen watches me closer from behind the screen. I see her eyes. They are a faint blue and the white around them, transparently clear.
"So it was really you who saved Constance the first time in Oxford,” she considers. I think her heart warms toward me a little. “I saw it on TV."
"I thought you said the TV was the devil's window to the world." The Pillar arches an eyebrow.
"Don't speak until I permit you to," the White Queen says. Last time I heard this, the Pillar was saying it to the Duchess. "So back to you, Alice Wonder.” She is definitely warming up to me. Saving lives means a lot to her. “You did a brave job there in Oxford."
"She couldn’t have done it without me..." the Pillar's words are cut off by the White Queen's stare. He doesn’t shrug, but he pouts. He could slit her throat. But then again, he couldn’t. They have a crazy relationship.
"Come here, beautiful," the White Queen tells me. "Let me see you outside this booth."
I squeeze past the Pillar and get out, eager to meet her. Outside, she takes me by the hand and walks me along her private place for prayer. It's as artistic and holy as the rest of St. Peters.
"Brave girls aren’t easy to come by these days," she still holds my hand, walking me to a part of the hall with statues all around.
"Thank you, White Queen," I nod, feeling safe in her hands.
"Please, call me Fabiola," she smiles at me and stops before an unusual part of the floor. It's made of black and white marble squares, and its surface glitters in the sunlight splaying through from the inlaid glass in the dome above us.
"Tell me why you want to save the girl?" she says. "Is she related to you?"
"Not at all," I say.
“Why would you save someone you don’t know?”
“I shared a special moment with Constance in Christ Church," I reply.
"Tell me about it." She pulls my chin up to meet her eyes. "Life’s biggest moments are small moments."
"When she was in the fireplace, she refused to take my hand to save her at first," I say. "She only did when I told her my name was Alice. And then when I saved her, she hugged me so tightly, like no one ever has before. It was a new feeling for me.”
“What kind of feeling?”
“I’ve always been looking for someone to help. At least, that’s what I remember from my last week in the asylum.”
“The asylum?” The White Queen gazes back at the Pillar as if he was my parent.
“I found her in an asylum. It’s like a kindergarten for mad people, that’s all,” the Pillar shrugs his shoulder. “Trust me, she is the Alice.”
The White Queen shakes her head and turns back to me. “Continue. You said you were always looking for someone to help.”
“When I met Constance, I felt like she was helping me by letting me save her.” The words flow without me even thinking about them. “It’s hard to explain.”
“It isn’t hard at all,” Fabiola says. “This is what true humans feel. We’re all here in this world to help one another.”
“And then Constance said something,” I continue.
"Go on. I'm listening. What did the little girl say?"
"She said the Cheshire told her that Alice in Wonderland is now older and would be coming to save her. Constance has her room filled with drawings of me being Alice in Wonderland, and the Cheshire Cat told her I am coming to save her. Regardless of the craziness of all that, I had to promise her that I would never let the Cheshire hurt her."
"A promise is a serious matter, Alice," the White Queen nods.
"But I couldn’t keep my promise,” I say. “I wish to stay true to my word."
"That's something I can help with," she considers. "You see, most people who come to see me are broken. They need help. They think I can help them, when they only can help themselves. I try to make them understand that. In your case, you seem to know it. Only you can help yourself and keep the promise you made."
"I believe so..." I smile.
"I will help you. Not because of this horrible man you walk the earth with, but because of that great loving energy I sense coming from you toward the world.” The White Queen has an unnamable magic on the tip of her tongue. The word she says stay with me somehow. It makes me feel twice as tall —which reminds me of Alice in the book again. “But I'm afraid you're not the Alice. You're not the one we're waiting for," she shakes her head. “I’m sorry. You have the same name and good heart, but not as strong as the real one."
Chapter 47
“Come here," the White Queen says, now that we're done with the Alice issue. "Give me a hug." I let her hug me. I feel the same way I did when Constance hugged me. I feel warmth, a surge of easiness as if returning home. "The Pillar wants you to think you're the real Alice," she whispers in my ear so he can’t hear her. "He has plans of his own for Wonderland. Use him, but don’t trust him." She pushes me away gently and holds me by the arms. "But I will help you save the girl."