Well, if I didn’t already feel like the world’s biggest dick that text did it. My fingers hovered over the keypad trying to figure out what to say. After a few moments, I slid the phone back into my pocket, deciding that I wasn’t going to answer. No, I was going to wish Nikki happy birthday in person and while I was at it, I was going to man the fuck up and tell her I didn’t want to go on not talking to her.
I went to the nightstand to get my piece, but when I pulled open the drawer, it was empty aside from a bottle of Johnny Walker Black. I had left the gun locked up in my office. Great place for it. Here’s to hoping no one tried to clip me on the way to the club. I grabbed the bottle unscrewed the cap and took a sip, hoping that it would take the edge off. I was a nervous wreck about tonight. It didn’t matter how much time I had put in throughout the last week I still felt like a nervous fucking virgin fumbling to roll on a condom.
I took one final shot before placing the bottle back in the drawer. If I didn’t haul, ass I was going to be late and I still had one stop to make. Anthony was waiting for me in the living room. He was dressed in black slacks and a fitted shirt. I think it was the first time I hadn’t seen him in a T-shirt and leather jacket.
“Well look at you Little Mikey all dressed up ready to play with the big dogs.” Anthony said solemnly.
“Can we just get the fuck out of here, please?” I said shrugging on my suit jacket. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. Jimmy was right the man definitely made the suit. I made this suit look damn good. I refrained from blowing a kiss to myself in the mirror.
Anthony rolled his eyes before slapping me on the back. Apparently, I got that a lot.
“Let’s go Romeo.” He said as he ushered me out the front door.
There was a black town car waiting for us outside to take us to the club. I guess working for Victor had its perks. We made ourselves comfortable in the back seat of the sedan and I instructed the driver to make a stop at Green-wood Cemetery before heading to Temptations. Anthony looked at me, but didn’t question me. The gates would be closing soon not really giving me much time for a visit, but then again that wasn’t the point. I don’t know, maybe it sounded ridiculous it felt a bit ridiculous, but I just wanted to visit my parents before the opening, hoping that being close to them wouldn’t make me feel so alone.
Once the car made its way through the gates I directed the driver to the section that my parents were laid to rest. Green-wood cemetery was the largest cemetery in New York spanning about 475 acres notorious for its greenery and steep hills. My parents’ plot was on the top of one of them forcing me to get out of the car and trek it up the hill. It was easy to spot their grave the earth piled on top of the plot still fresh from my mother’s burial.
I should’ve brought flowers. My mother loved flowers lilies were her favorite my father would bring her a fresh bouquet once a week. I was such an inconsiderate asshole.
“Hey Mom… Dad.” I said hoarsely. I thought this would be easy visiting them, but it wasn’t staring at the fresh dirt was just a harsh reality smacking me in the face reminding me of what I lost. A lump formed in my throat, choking me, I fought to swallow it, hoping to bury the emotions that were invading me.
“I’m not sure why I’m here other than I felt the need to be close to you both. I thought it would help me.” I let out a heavy sigh. “You know, to clear my conscience and all that. I came back home after you died Mom. There was nothing left for me in Pennsylvania and it seemed only logical to move here after all you guys are here too. I work for Victor now, but not in the same regard as you did Dad. I’m going to be running one of his nightclubs. Tonight is the Grand Opening and I’m nervous. Really nervous. Everyone expects me to be just like you and I’m afraid I can’t live up to those expectations. I’m not sure if I am capable that I even would want to out of respect for Mom. Losing you broke her spirit your death made the woman who was always so strong and loving a woman who traded those qualities in to be a woman who lived her life in constant fear. Death changes people I get it. Losing the both of you changed me. I’m not afraid like mom because well, I’ve got nothing to lose.”
For some reason Nikki’s face flashed in my mind. It was ridiculous because I couldn’t risk losing her when I didn’t have her to begin with. I shook my head and shoved my hands into my pockets. That damn girl consumed my every thought. It’s sick. Shaking her off trying to rid her from my mind, I bent down and took a handful of dirt in my hands spreading my fingers apart I let it fall back onto the pile.