Primrose slowly got off the bed where she had collapsed upon entering the room only to indulge in a long weep. She washed her face and then proceeded to get ready for bed. There was nothing she could do to change her circumstances. Or her family. In truth, the only real family she had left was Simeon. He was all she should give any thought to. Her aunt and her greed could not be allowed to hurt him.
Crawling back into bed, she found herself thinking of Sir Bened and softly cursed. Despite her best intentions there was obviously one distraction she could not shake free of. She desired the man and desire was obviously a tenacious beast that would not be ignored. The only thing she needed to consider was whether or not she would do anything about it.
If she did she would destroy her reputation. Then again, she mused, her reputation was already at great risk and would be destroyed anyway if word got out that her aunt and uncle had betrothed her to Sir Edgar Benton. She could cling tightly to what scraps she had, thus allowing her to deny any accusations with complete honesty, or she could accept her ruin and do what she wanted. It was very tempting to do the latter but she knew she had to resist that temptation until she had thought the whole matter through very carefully.
There was always the chance that news of the crimes of her aunt and uncle would shroud her own and allow her to continue as she had before her father’s death. Such a circumstance depended far too much on luck and the whims of society. What a baron’s daughter had done or was suspected of having done was of more import to gossips than what crimes her aunt and uncle had committed. Society would consider her taking a lover as gossip far more tempting to repeat and salivate over than the fact that her aunt and uncle were guilty of murder and had plotted to murder the baron’s heir and daughter, or even to marry her off to someone all of society had turned their back on simply to pay off her uncle’s gambling debts.
She closed her eyes and sighed. There were too many roads to turn down. She needed to make up a list of the benefits and consequences and go from there. It might be wise to remind herself more often of just how little she knew of Sir Bened and how short their acquaintance had been. The fact that she trusted him, liked him, felt as if she had known him forever, was just her lonely heart playing tricks on her. It was not possible after barely one full day of acquaintance.
“But I do know him,” she whispered, and opened her eyes to look at the door. “I know it is foolish after so short an acquaintance but I know him.”
Try as hard as she might she could find no disagreement with that statement in heart or mind. Every instinct she had said he was a good man, one she could trust, and that her desire for him was not some trick brought on by a need to have someone strong to lean on. She knew she was not so weak that a man’s offer of help would make her ready to give up her much-prized chastity.
Flopping onto her back, she stared up at the ceiling. Having that coffee had probably been a mistake. Now her mind was far too busy for her to sleep. Learning that part of your own family wanted you dead did not help either.
Was she leading Augusta to Simeon? Was that why the woman was following her and trying to make it so she could not reach her brother? Did the woman already know how to find Simeon or have some other plan she and Sir Bened had not yet uncovered? The thought that her aunt would kill her brother terrified Primrose. Somehow she had to find him before that woman did. And warn him.
She had to wonder what Simeon would think if and when she found him and had Sir Bened at her side. Simeon was an amiable man not given to fighting and posturing, but he was her only brother and now the head of their household. It was quite possible he would react as many a father would if he found his daughter had been riding all over the countryside with a man. Primrose shook that thought aside. It was a problem she could deal with when she had to.
A yawn swept over her and she realized she was finally feeling sleepy. Since she had settled nothing in her mind, she had to wonder why. Then she realized that she had indeed made a decision. She knew Bened, in her mind, in her heart, even in the very blood in her veins. His interests and opinions might still be a mystery as was his family and history, but she knew the soul of the man as if it was clearly visible to her. He was a good, honest man. Now she just had to decide how deeply she wished to be involved with him.
It made her a little giddy to realize she was considering taking a lover. Shocking that she would do so soon after meeting him but then she was no longer a young maid. Many thought of her as a spinster. Such a step would have serious consequences concerning the rest of her life. Giving a man her body would mean giving him her heart. Primrose had no doubt about that even if she had never done such a thing before. She could never become so intimate with a man without her heart becoming involved. Men could have such relations with women and maintain their distance. Thus, she had to consider that she would run the risk of getting her heart broken. Before too much longer she had to decide if Sir Bened Vaughn was worth the risk.
Chapter Four