“Yeah, no prob. He’s lucky to have you. If he hurts you, I’ll pulverize him.”
We stepped onto the porch, the sun was peeking behind a sheet of black clouds. The ground was drenched and smelled of earth and worms. I clung to the damp banister as I watched Travis cross the yard between our houses.
His situation left me realizing again how short and precious life really was. I didn’t want to live with regrets and what ifs. Lately I’d been suppressing feelings I didn’t want to admit were there. They scared the living piss out of me. Now, suddenly as I found myself staring into Chase’s silverstone eyes, I knew what I was going to do.
No regrets.
I must have been out of my mind or glutton for disappointment, because there was no way this was going to turn out like I envisioned.
How could it?
We were so different, besides him being part demon, I mean. Night and day, we were.
Seeing him strut over toward me caused my heart to somersault. He looked homegrown and delicious in torn jeans and a t-shirt that only made his biceps look that much more edible. “Hey,” he greeted. “You look better.”
I shuffled my feet nervously on the porch. “Better than what?”
“Do you always have to argue with everything I say?”
It was on the tip of my tongue to say something snappy, and my anxiety wasn’t helping in any way. “Maybe.”
The wood of the porch supports creaked under his weight as he leaned a hip into it. “I didn’t get a chance to mention it last night, but I think it would be best if you didn’t let it get out…what you can do. Not everyone will like the idea that you can get inside their head.”
“They’ll think I’m a threat,” I stated, reading into his suggestion. Immediately I thought of Sierra. She would love any excuse to wipe me from the planet. “I don’t plan on broadcasting it over the six o’clock news.”
He gave me a come get me grin. “Okay, with that settled, you can stop the nervous shuffle and just spit it out.”
I frowned. “Why would you think I have anything to say to you?” Dumb question, but my brain wasn’t processing properly.
I got an arched brow.
My insides were a giant jittery pile of gnats. I looked down at my joined hands, knowing I just had to spit it out. There was no other way and if I didn’t do it now, I was going lose my nerve altogether. I sighed heavily. “Fine,” I said crossing my arms. “I don’t understand what is going on between us. One minute you are all over me, and the next you can’t get far enough away. What gives?”
“Nothing gives, except your bad taste in company.”
“Did you and Travis have some kind of falling out I don’t know about?”
He shrugged. “We just have different ideas of what’s right. This Emma thing hasn’t got him thinking straight.”
“Let me guess, your way is the right way.”
He gave me a pearly grin. “Of course.”
“That still doesn’t explain why you are acting all weird.” I called bullshit. “I feel it remember? Ever since we got back from seeing Ives you’ve been acting strange. What could he have possibly said to make you bug out?”
He looked out over my shoulder staring into the woods behind my house. “I’m not bugging out. And it’s not so much what he said, but our situation.”
“Situation? You’re talking about being strapped to me for all eternity?”
“It’s not like that and you know it.”
“What is it like Chase? Because I’m not getting it. If you are having second thoughts–”
His eyes returned to mine. “I don’t regret the outcome of what happened that night I saved you. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I just wish that I had been able to save your soul. Knowing that it’s been darkened by hell kills me. Then there are all these feelings that I don’t know what to do about. When I’m not near you, it feels like there is a gapping whole in my heart. The further and longer I’m gone, the bigger it gets. Suddenly, I find myself unable to get a grip on my control. It gets more difficult every day I see you.”
Oh wow. Oh God. Oh wow.
Something happened that only happens once in a blue moon. I went tongue-tied.
“Angel…say something.”
I couldn’t believe it. My head was whirling. I demanded to know what was going through his head, and to my great surprise, he just admitted more than he had since I met him over the summer.
“Your eyes are doing that weird voodoo thing again,” he commented, filling the void.
He totally stole my line. And hey, I’m not the one with voodoo eyes. He was. I’ll admit there might be something different about mine, but they didn’t glow neon. That constituted as way more weird.
He stood there beside me waiting, while I was trying to pick my mouth off the ground looking stupefied. “You’ve always been in control around me.” That was all I could think to say. I guess it was better than, what did you say? That had been my initial response.