“The guy, the guy,” he said, gesturing at her with his hand. “The one you sort of acknowledged at dinner the other night.”
“Who, Stephen?” she asked.
“Ha! I knew there was someone. So Stephen, what about him? What’s wrong with him?”
“There is nothing wrong with him,” Madeline said. “He’s a great guy. It just takes a lot for me to get emotionally invested.”
“Aha,” Luke said, eyeing her curiously. “I get it. Either this guy is beyond lame, or you’ve got some impossible standards. What does it take?”
She snorted. “Come on, Luke.” She moved to stand up, but he was too quick. He caught her wrist and held her there.
“You come on, Maddie. Tell me what it takes for you to become emotionally invested.”
A million things flitted through her mind. Trust. Belief. Courage. She had never really put actual words to the fears that tumbled around in her. “I don’t know,” she said impatiently, and tried to pull her wrist free of his grasp.
But Luke tightened his hold. “I think you do know. You can tell me, Maddie. I won’t laugh, I won’t judge. And in a few days, when you go back to Orlando, you can forget you ever said anything.”
“What difference does it make?”
“I don’t know,” he said, and lifted her hand to his mouth, kissing her knuckles, his lips warm and soft on her skin. “But it does. I like you, Blue Eyes. And I am curious to know what demons are hiding in that hot body of yours.”
Madeline’s pulse began to quicken, and she couldn’t help but smile.
“So what is it that keeps you from putting yourself out there?”
She didn’t want to acknowledge what had been rattling around in her for so long, shaping her, forming the hard edges of her life.
Luke’s expression softened; he seemed to get that this had gone from a playful conversation to something more serious for Madeline. He cocked his head to one side, brushed his knuckles against her face, pushing her hair away. “I wasn’t kidding, you know. You can tell me. Whatever you say is safe with me.”
He said it so casually, as if it were a matter of course for him. As if someone off the street could tell him things and he would keep them safe. His voice, his expression, cloaked Madeline with a sense of security. “I have to know that they aren’t going to leave me,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. She wanted to tell him that they’d all left, every one of them. Her father, the men who had traipsed through her life with her mother. It was weird—she had wanted them all to leave and for so long and had harbored some stupid hope that maybe her father would come back and rescue her. Eventually, when they all left, and her father never came, the girl in Madeline had convinced the grown woman that it was because she somehow deserved it.
She opened her mouth to say all those things, but couldn’t find the courage. She closed her mouth. Luke’s expression didn’t change; he traced a finger under her chin. “But how will you know they will never leave you if you don’t put your heart on the line once or twice?”
“I know, it’s screwed up. Believe me, I know,” she admitted. She’d said too much. She felt a little short of breath. She pulled her hand free of his grip and tried to wave it off. “No big deal,” she said, wanting to erase her confession. She picked up her beer bottle, downing the little bit that was left, and peered into the empty bottle.
“No?” Luke said, and settled back, away from her, his expression dubious. “It seems to me that it’s had a great effect on you. I mean, you just said you can’t get emotionally invested with this guy.”
She forced smile. “I just sort of suck at dating, that’s all. Stephen is a great guy. But I don’t have a lot of time for him.” That was all she was willing to admit.
Luke chuckled.
“Why is that funny?” she asked, confused.
“Because you don’t lie very well, Maddie. You know what you need?”
Madeline sighed dramatically and fell back against the pillows. “Go ahead, take a number. There is always someone waiting in the wings who can’t wait to tell me what I need.”
Luke was undeterred. “Maybe you should put down the highlighter and just let life happen.”
“Ha,” she said with a snort. “You think I haven’t heard that before? News flash, I know I’m a control freak. But that doesn’t mean I can just snap my fingers and make it go away, any more than you can make your attachment to a woman who dumped you go away.”
Luke’s smile suddenly faded, and Madeline felt horrible. “I’m sorry,” she said quickly, and sat up, put her hand on his arm. “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. See? I suck at this.”
Luke grinned. “You said you suck at dating. Does this mean we’re dating?”
“No!”
With a laugh, he gracefully hopped to his feet. He moved to the bookshelves and turned on a radio.