“I’ve no’ been through a social season,” she said with a bit of a nervous laugh. “I’ve no’ had the liberty until now….”
She didn’t need to say more. It was clear to Payton that she would choose the chance to attend endless soirees over him.
His head was suddenly aching and he put his hands to his temples, rubbing them. “Have ye considered that ye might be with child?” he asked hoarsely.
The lass blanched. Then blushed furiously and glanced at the door. “I am no’—”
“How can ye be sure?”
“I can be sure and I am very sure,” she said, looking pointedly at him.
He sighed and dropped his hands, fighting the urge to take her into his arms, hold her captive. He made an effort to gather up the last bit of his courage, for he would need every bit of it to say good-bye.
Mared was looking at him with concern and, he hoped, a wee bit of affection. She took a few halting steps toward him. “Are ye…are ye all right?” she asked softly.
His pride now completely shattered, Payton felt the blood drain from his face, and he grimaced. “How could I possibly be all right?” he bit out.
Mared’s eyes softened, and she stepped closer. “Payton…” She put her hand on his arm.
One touch was all it took. He looked up at those green eyes and moved before he could think, roughly embracing her, holding her tightly to him.
“Oh, Payton!” she cried softly in his ear. “I’m so sorry, I am! But I donna know what to do! I feel I must go, for it is something I have needed all my life. I have needed to be free. I have needed to be normal!”
“Why can ye no’ be normal here? What about us?” he demanded, grabbing her by the shoulders and setting her back a bit. “After what has gone between us, what about us?”
“I donna know, I donna know,” she cried and closed her eyes, pressed her forehead to his shoulder. “I am so confused!”
Damn her, but he could feel her confusion acutely and with a weary sigh, he let go of her and put his arms around her, his hand to the back of her head. “How long, then? How long will ye be away?”
“I canna say.”
He closed his eyes, pressed her head to his shoulder. “Mared…I love ye, lass,” he managed to say.
She reared back, took his face between her hands, her green eyes shining. “I know, I know, and I…I love ye, too, Payton. I do. Ye canna believe otherwise. But I have lived with the curse all my life, and the one thing I have wanted was the chance to be like everyone else. I want to feel what that is like. I want to meet people who have no notion of that wretched curse. I want to see the world outside of these lochs where that wretched curse has existed. I was once in Edinburra and I know I will be completely free there. I will never be completely free here, no matter that the curse is solved. There will always be those who believe it. Can ye understand?”
He could understand it clearly—she wanted the one thing he could never give her. She wanted to be away from the lochs, where he was bound to remain by duty and honor and history.
With a sad smile, he covered her hands at his face and pulled them down, kissed the backs of them, then kissed her tenderly. “That’s it, then, lass,” he said quietly.
“’Tis no’ the end, Payton—”
“Let’s no’ fool ourselves, aye?” He dropped her hands and stepped back. Mared looked down, away from his gaze. She knew it, too, and his heart wrenched so badly that he grimaced with the pain of it.
He pushed a thick lock of her hair over her shoulder. “I’ve a good-bye gift for ye,” he said and reached into his pocket.
She reluctantly lifted her head as he withdrew it and opened his palm. He held the luckenbooth he’d commissioned on the occasion of their long forgotten betrothal.
Mared gasped softly and looked up at him with dark green eyes for a moment, then at the luckenbooth again. Carefully, she took it from his palm, held it up, admiring the twinkle of the gems in the firelight.
“Donna throw it at me, aye?” he asked wryly.
“Payton…it is even more beautiful than the first time I held it. I canna take it. I donna deserve it.”
“Aye, ye donna deserve it in the least,” he agreed. “But I want ye to have it, Mared. I had it made for ye, and…and I hope that ye will wear it in Edinburra.”
She turned it over, smiling as she examined the fine craftsmanship. “How did ye ever find it again?”
“A lot of kicking about,” he said, ashamed that his voice had gone rough with emotion.
She closed her hand around it and glanced up at him. “Thank ye, Payton. I’ll treasure it always.” She rose up on her toes and kissed him lightly as her hand trailed lithely down his arm, until she slipped her hand into his.