“As ye wish.”
Sigimor began to give his opinions on what Brian should do about the ones hunting Arianna and the boys, most of them dealing with the many ways they might be killed. It took Brian several minutes to push all of Sigimor’s words concerning the possibility of keeping Arianna for his own right out of his mind and he knew it was because his cousin was advising him to take what he wanted anyway. He forced his thoughts to remain fixed upon ridding them of the threat posed by Amiel and the DeVeaux. It was all the future he could allow himself to think about.
Arianna watched Lady Jolene settle herself in the chair by the fire. She poured the woman a drink of cider and served her. As she poured one for herself, she tried to discern any scorn or disapproval in the woman’s eyes or actions but saw none.
“You did not have a good marriage, did you?” said Jolene as she helped herself to one of the honey-sweetened oatcakes on a tray set between them.
“Ah, nay, I didnae.” Arianna was not comfortable with the topic and wished she had not returned to her bedchamber where Lady Jolene had so easily found her alone. “Did Brian nay tell ye all about the trouble there has been?”
“Do you mean how the man lied to you and how this brother of his wishes to kill those boys, maybe even give you to an old enemy of the family?”
“Aye. I was hoping to get to my family before any trouble reached us, but that plan failed. I felt a wee bit guilty about it but decided no one could have kenned that the enemy would be willing to sink a whole ship just to kill the boys.”
“Nay, that would have surprised most anyone. You were very fortunate to fall into the MacFingals’ hands. They are a rough lot of men, a little wild, a little uncivilized, but good men despite that.”
“Aye, they are. Brian assured me again and again that his brothers would get my boys safely to Scarglas and they did, boys they had no blood tie to and who were trailing right behind them men willing to kill anyone just to get them. To do so does show how good the men are. Rough ways and a wee bit of wildness doesnae matter.”
“Then mayhap you should consider keeping Brian.”
Arianna nearly choked on the bite of oatcake she had just taken and had to take a quick drink of cider to clear it away. “Sir Brian has shown no interest in my keeping him.”
“Nay? He insisted upon sharing this bedchamber with you even though there was no need for such protection while you are here. What I saw when he did so was a man who did not wish to sleep alone.”
“That doesnae mean he wants to keep me. We both ken that men can bed and sleep with women all the time and nay wish to actually keep them.”
“Men also do not find it easy to speak of such things.”
“So I must ask him if he wishes to stay with me? I must be the one to set myself up for the blow that will come when he says nay, thank ye kindly?”
“Quite possibly. It depends on how much you would like him to stay with you. Do you care for the man, Arianna?”
“I wouldnae be scandalizing the whole keep by sharing his bed if I didnae.”
“True, but I was not speaking of passion. Sir Brian MacFingal is a very handsome man. Near all the MacFingal men are. I was rather hoping you would be honest about what lies in your heart.”
“I think I love the man.”
“Only think?”
“I have spent the last five years of my life with a mon who told me, near every time he spoke to me, that I was riddled with faults from how I looked to how I could please no mon in the bedchamber. Then comes Sir Brian and suddenly I ken what my kinswomen spoke of when they spoke of desire, loving, passion. I dinnae ken if that clouds my mind or nay. ’Tis verra hard to tell what is in your heart when ye are feeling things ye ne’er have, strong things that overwhelm ye from time to time.”
Jolene nodded. “I can understand that. Yet ’tis my belief that a woman would not feel such things unless a piece of her heart was already involved.”
“Nay, she probably wouldnae.” Arianna shook her head. “I am trying to keep my heart closed to him.”
“Why would you ever do such a thing?”
“Because, e’en if he convinces me that all Claud said was a lie—and that will take some time I fear—I couldnae tie him to me anyway. It would be unkind. ’Tis bad enough that I will be marked a whore if the falsity of my marriage becomes widely known. Considering how people look at the MacFingals now, I dinnae think they need such a woman as part of their clan.” She ignored Jolene’s muttered opinion of that as being nonsense. “Also, I am fair certain I am barren.”
Jolene reached across the table to place her hand over Arianna’s clenched hands. “Are you truly certain?”