“I married him,” I say, laughing, but only half kidding.
“Yeah, right,” April says, then turns to Romy. “Tessa has the perfect marriage. They never fight. And he’s watching the kids all weekend so she can go to New York and play.”
“He can handle the kids alone?” Romy asks, amazed.
I start to tell her that I have Carolyn lined up to bridge the gap between my departure tomorrow afternoon and his return from work, as well as giving him a break over the weekend, but April answers for me, gushing, “He’s great with the kids. The best father. I’m telling you—they have the perfect marriage.”
I give her a look, wondering why she’s trying to pitch me so hard—my children, my tennis game, now my marriage. I appreciate it, but have the sense she’s overcompensating for something, perhaps for the fact that I don’t pull off that instant, cool first impression. Although it’s good to know that Nick does. In his scrubs.
Romy and MC give me a wistful look that makes me feel like a June Cleaver imposter as I consider what the past few weeks have looked like in my house.
“Nobody has the perfect marriage,” I say.
MC vigorously shakes her head. “Nobody,” she says, as if speaking from a wealth of experience.
We all fall silent as if contemplating our relationships until Romy says, “Speaking of . . . did you hear about Tina and Todd?”
“Don’t even tell me,” April says, covering her ears. Romy pauses dramatically, then whispers, “With a call girl,”
“Omigod. You’re kidding me,” April says. “He seems like such a nice guy. He’s an usher at our church, for God’s sake!”
“Yeah. Well. Maybe he’s stealing from the collection plate, too.”
MC asks if it was a one-time thing and Romy turns to her and snaps, “Does that make a difference?”
“I guess not,” MC says, finishing her shake with a final, long slurp.
“But for the record, no. It was not a one-time thing. Turns out he’s been doing it for years. Just like—what was his name—that governor of New York?”
“Eliot Spitzer,” I say, remembering how obsessed I was with that hooker scandal, and more specifically, with his wife, Silda. How I had marveled when she stood behind him at the podium, her eyes puffy and red, looking utterly defeated and disgraced as he confessed and resigned on national television. Literally standing by her man. I wondered how long she had deliberated on what to wear that morning. Whether she had Googled the hooker in question, poring over her pictures online or in the tabloids. What she said to her friends. To her three daughters. To her mother. To him.
“At least Tina doesn’t have to face the nation,” I say. “Can you imagine?”
“No,” Romy says. “I can’t believe these women go on television like that.”
“Yeah,” April says. “I’d be gone in a heartbeat.”
MC and Romy murmur their agreement, and then they all look at me, waiting for me to weigh in on the subject, giving me no choice but to tell them I am in perfect agreement. Which I am. I think.
“Would you find it harder to forgive a prostitute or a love affair?” April asks, reading my mind.
MC chortles. “Burned to death or drowned?” Then she turns to Romy and says, “Sorry, hon. Unfortunate choice of words. Damn. I always put my foot in my mouth . . .”
Romy shakes her head somberly and reaches out to pat MC’s hand. “It’s okay, hon. I know what you meant.” Then she fiddles with her diamond ring, spinning it twice around, and says, “I could never forgive Daniel if he slept with a hooker. It’s just so gross. I couldn’t forgive anything that sleazy, I’d rather he fall in love with someone.”
“Really?” MC says. “I think I could get over something physical—maybe not a hooker, but a purely physical, one-night-stand kind of thing . . . But if Rick actually loved someone . . . that’s a different story.”
April looks contemplative and then says to me, “What would bother you more, Tess? Hot sex or love?”
I consider this for a second, then say, “Depends.”
“On what?” Romy says.
“On whether he’s having hot sex with the girl he loves.”
They all laugh as I think of Nick’s text, feeling sick to my stomach, hoping that I never have to find out exactly what I’d do in any of the above scenarios.
28
Valerie
Charlie Anderson has a purple alien face.