His eyes widened ever so slightly. “I was.”
“I was stuck,” she said. “I couldn’t figure out how to move forward, whether or not to drop the pop album. I kept avoiding the things I knew would hurt but help, so things kept happening to me. I was angry with you when I saw the cameras and the footage, but when I settled down, I remembered that whether I make the right decision or the wrong one, I’m happiest when I’m in control of my life and my career. The cameras gave me that control.”
Something odd happened to his eyes. Cady realized they’d filled with hope. “You’re not mad at me,” he said.
“Maybe a little.” She smiled at him. “I try to be reasonable. Mostly I’m putting it behind me, because I’m writing again, thanks to you. Two new songs in the last couple of days. It’s hard to think straight with Emily bursting in every five minutes to show me a new sketch, but they’re coming.” She decided not to tell him she’d written about him. About them.
“Are you staying at your mom’s now?”
“I was, while Emily and I worked out some things. I’m on my way home now. Em and Mom are coming over on Sunday to decorate the tree and make cookies. Emily still needs me, but I need my own space,” she said. “For my own life. With the man I love. I hope.”
At the word “love,” his face went utterly still. Then he shook his head, a hard, firm rejection. “No. Not a good idea. Families and me don’t work so well together. Look what just happened—”
She cut him off, words tumbling from her mouth, her voice rising. “Yes, look at what just happened. My sister acted out, my mom didn’t see it, and neither did I,” she said. “We all made mistakes there, but not you. We’ll forgive her, because she was just a kid, trying to figure out how to be an adult. That’s what your family didn’t do. They pushed you away, blamed you for their failures and your honest mistakes, taught you to take things away from yourself, to not let yourself have the things you want. I’m not pushing you away. You can have me, Conn. All you have to do is let me in.”
“Cady—” he started.
“No, listen to me. I really want you to come with me. I want you by my side all the time. It’s immature—I mean, I’m perfectly able to be on my own but I don’t want to be—and … and it’s a shitty, shitty life on a big bus, staying in hotels, which is not all it’s cracked up to be, let me tell you. Promo appearances, sound checks, concerts, I’ve got no time to myself when I’m on tour. Days off are rare, scheduled weeks in advance, and I spend most of them sleeping. I’m asking you to—”
“Yes.”
“—give up everything you know, leave the McCools … what?”
He crossed the room to stand in front of her, close enough that she could see his pulse thumping away in his neck, the quick inhales and exhales, the way his eyes darkened. He raised his hand to her cheek and stroked his thumb along the curve of her ear, then bent his head and kissed her. “Yes, I’ll be your body man.”
“Okay. Good,” she said, a little disoriented. He kissed her again, hot and fierce and sweet. Her brain shut down, all systems offline, leaving only the flashing light that said, Yes, this, this is what you were looking for and didn’t know you wanted. Him. This man. Forever.
He lifted his mouth, then bent his forehead to rest on hers. “Have you told Chris about this?”
“Not yet. I thought we could tell him together. It’ll be fun.” Her voice grew serious. “You’ll quit the police department for me? I mean, you can think about it over the next few months. If I get my way, I’m not going to be traveling for a while. I’ll totally understand if—”
“I may not have a job after tomorrow anyway,” he said.
“Why not?”
“I agreed to work with Kenny. Hawthorn might think I’m playing both sides. He might want to go after him with someone who wasn’t trained by Kenny.”
“You haven’t told Lieutenant Hawthorn yet?”
“He’s been out of town at some conference.” He shrugged. “Oh, well.”
Where was the cop who’d been so furious to be saddled with her just a few short weeks ago? “I guess we’ll deal with it tomorrow tomorrow,” she said nonsensically.
“What the second reason you’re here?”
She walked over to the box and parted the flaps to reveal chintzy eighties Christmas decorations scavenged from the boxes in her basement. “I brought over some of Nana’s Christmas decorations. I thought … they’d remind you of Christmas with your grandma. Gold garland, the ornaments with the thread wrapped around them, colorful lights, tinsel, and a tabletop tree. You’re invited to come decorate with me and Em and Mom. In fact, Mom says no excuses, or she’ll track you down, but I wanted you to have a little bit of Christmas here, too.”