“Wow. Okay, so…wow.” Jen shook her head once, twice, three times, as if trying to clear it of cobwebs. “You want to…um, have sex…with Aidan.”
“Yes.” Pure misery shot through him, and yet with it came a feeling of liberation. This was the first time he’d said it out loud.
“Does he…want to have sex with you?”
I want the same damn thing.
Dylan swallowed. “Yeah. Yeah, I think so.”
Jen went quiet again, and then she shrugged. “So have sex with him.”
Now his jaw dropped. “Are you kidding?”
“No. Are you?” She frowned. “Wait, do you not want to sleep with Aidan? Are you punking me?”
“I’m not punking you,” he said in sheer aggravation. “But I’m pretty frickin’ confused—you think I should have, um, have…”
“Sex,” she filled in, her voice dry.
“Sex…with Aidan.”
“You just said you wanted to. And if he wants the same thing, then why not go for it?”
“Because…because it’s another man,” he burst out. “I’d be having sex with another man, Jen.”
A laugh popped out of her mouth. “Are you kidding me? Dylan, the very first night I met you, you gave Cash a blowjob.” Her voice softened. “And I don’t think it was your first time, either. Was it?”
He slowly shook his head.
“So clearly you have no problem fooling around with another man.”
“No, but…”
“But what?”
“Every time I’ve been with…” he felt himself blushing again, “…with another guy, there’s always been a girl there too. It’s never one-on-one.”
“And one-on-one is bad?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” He shrugged helplessly.
“You don’t want to think of yourself as gay, is that it?” Jen’s tone was so gentle, and so thick with understanding, that his throat clogged.
“I’m not gay,” he answered honestly. “I love women way too much to be considered gay.”
“Yeah, I noticed.” She paused. “But you’re into men too.”
“Yes.”
“So then you’re bi.”
Amusement trickled through him. “I love how everything must always be defined. Gay, straight, bi. Why can’t people just fuck whoever they want without feeling the need to label it or explain it away?”
Jen pointed her finger at him. “Ha! Exactly!”
Crap. He’d totally walked into that one, hadn’t he?
“Now change the word people to you, and whoever they want to Aidan.” When he didn’t respond right away, her blue eyes turned shrewd. “Wait a minute—are you freaking out about having sex with him because this is about more than just sex? Do you have feelings for Aidan?”
That uncharacteristic rush of helplessness returned with full force. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I like hanging out with him, I know that much. When I stayed at his place last month, we got along really well. We have a shit-ton in common, he’s easy to talk to. So yeah, we’re buddies. I can’t fuck one of my buddies. That’d be like me hooking up with Matt or Ryan or Texas.”
“Except you don’t want to hook up with Matt or Ryan or Texas. You want Aidan.” Jen got a dreamy look in her eyes. “And good choice, by the way. Aidan is gorgeous. And those dimples…Lord.”
She pretended to fan herself, and Dylan had to laugh. “Dude’s not hard on the eyes,” he agreed.
She smiled. “I’ll give you the same advice Annabelle gave me when I was hesitating about going after Cash—life’s too short. Go after what you want.”
Uncertainty seized his chest. “I don’t know.”
“Yes you do. You know exactly what you want, Dylan. And you’re placing way too much pressure on yourself. You’re acting like sex will lead to a relationship and a commitment ceremony and marching in the Pride parade—maybe it will, maybe it won’t. But maybe you should talk to Aidan and find out what he’s looking for before you make assumptions.”
She raised a good point. “I guess I should, huh?”
Really? You’ve only now figured out that avoiding him like the plague is a bad idea?
He ignored the internal taunt. Yeah, maybe actually taking Aidan’s calls, instead of acting like the conversation they’d had on poker night hadn’t happened, would’ve been the more mature course of action.
“You’re right. I need to talk to him.” He cleared his suddenly dry throat. “Thanks, Jen.”
She rewarded him with that beautiful smile that never failed to take his breath away. “No problem.” The smile widened, curving into smirk territory. “And BTW? If you end up doing the deed with Aidan? I expect details. Like, a lot of details. Oooh, I can lend you my camera! And I’d expect a lot of pictures. Maybe one of you and Aidan making out, and one where he’s on his knees, taking you in his…”
She was too busy verbalizing her fantasies—which she’d clearly put a lot of thought into—to notice that he was flipping her the bird.
Chapter Fifteen