“In your dreams.”
Cole gazed at Scott with shining eyes. It swelled his heart. He had forgotten so many little things about her, like how she put her hand up before her mouth when big laughter erupted from her. Or, that she was as fierce a competitor as he was when it came to games. Or how her happiness made his own.
Regret prodded him. How could he have been so stupid as to risk missing out on her smile?
During their short marriage there’d been little time to reminisce about their courtship. If sex before they knew each other’s last names could be called the beginning of a courtship. But it wasn’t a hookup. They both knew that before the sun came up. Something profound had occurred and they never looked back. Still, there had been little getting-to-know-you time before they wed.
She must have seen the many thoughts cascading through his expression because she sobered. “What are you thinking?”
“I’m remembering your parents looking at me like I had erupted from the earth fully grown when you introduced me. They must have been shocked to learn I had parents who both had advanced degrees.”
“That’s not true. My parents really like you, and your parents.”
“I’m sure they wanted to ask how they’d happened to rear a son like me. A bad-boy biker cop. Soon to be skinhead son-in-law. What did your sister call me? Nine miles of bad road?”
Cole dipped her head to hide her smile. Becca’s precise words had been, “My God! What’s gotten into you, besides nine inches of bad trouble?” The estimate was generous but not the effect. Becca, she just knew, had never experienced the body-quaking sex she had with Scott. But it wasn’t enough to sustain the reality of marriage.
“Don’t be like that. My parents knew I loved you and they love me so—”
“So they tolerated me.”
“They were prepared to love you.”
“Until I screwed up. They must have told you they expected something like that would happen when you left me. That I couldn’t be trusted.”
Cole wagged her head. “They never said anything like that.”
“You expect me to believe that?” Scott picked up his beer and took a long swallow. “What about after what you saw? A public orgy with their son-in-law front and center?”
Cole glanced down, the final piece of pizza on her plate untouched. “I told Becca. But never my parents. I just told them we weren’t getting along. We had discovered we wanted different things. I knew I wasn’t right to try to tie you down. But I thought I could make it work. When I realized I couldn’t make you want what I wanted, I left.”
He set his beer down carefully. “What did you want, Cole?”
“To be a family.”
“With children.” Her gaze jerked up to meet his. “My parents told me. You wanted children.”
Annoyance and embarrassment made quick impressions on her face. “I wish they hadn’t. I told them you and I hadn’t had that conversation yet. It was our last Thanksgiving. While we were waiting for you”—she ducked her head—“they started talking about grandchildren. They were teasing me, saying you and I were their only hope for grandchildren. One thing sort of led to another.”
Scott watched her with such intensity she felt like she should hatch. Finally, he said, “Were you pregnant?”
“No. No.” Cole shook her head back and forth several times. “Don’t you think I would have told you?”
He slid a hand through his hair. “It’s old news, I guess. My parents didn’t even mention it until a few weeks ago. Just before Dad’s heart attack.” He cursed under his breath and sat back in the booth. “They thought you were pregnant. So sure, they expected us to announce it at Christmas.”
“So you think I was pregnant when I left you, and didn’t tell you?” It sounded so awful even in her own ears that her throat closed over the final words.
He shrugged, sorry he’d stepped into this tonight. “Look. I was fucked up in so many ways in those days I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want me to be any part of our child’s life.”
“Stop.” She reached out and grabbed his wrist and squeezed hard. “Look at me.”
She waited until he lifted his eyes, dark with the expectation of rejection, to meet hers. “I’ve never been pregnant. Ever. If I had been carrying your child I would have told you.”
She released his arm as if touching him had become painful. “And I sure as hell would have fought harder for us.”
They sat in silence, the music of the restaurant filling that lull with a silly tune about foxes.
Finally, Scott shrugged. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Or bring up bad memories. We were having a good time.”
Cole moved a hand toward him. “I would never try to hurt you, Scott. I love you.”