First and Only (Callaghan Brothers #2)

Lexi stole glances at him throughout the service, he was sure of it, thanking God each time he felt the familiar prickling on the back of his neck. It meant – well, he wasn’t sure what it meant exactly, but at least she was still looking; she wasn’t ignoring him completely.

Other than a slight inclination of her head out of sheer politeness, she had not openly acknowledged his presence. Each time he had glanced at her – and the times he had probably numbered in the hundreds over the course of the afternoon – she’d been looking elsewhere. If she had any reaction at all to seeing him with Kayla, she didn’t show it. She stayed in the back, out of the limelight, letting Kayla and her mother play center stage throughout the service. He noted that she remained alone in the pew when the rest of them went up for Communion, looking even lonelier than he felt.

“Thanks, Uncle Jack,” he heard her say after the Mass as they waited for the casket to be placed in the hearse, “but I really don’t think it’s a good idea. I would just like to go back to my hotel.” Ian managed to get within hearing distance while Kayla “composed herself” in the ladies room, though as far as he could tell, she hadn’t shed a single tear.

“This is not a time to be alone, Alexis,” Jack said kindly, but firmly. “You belong with family, lass.”

“I don’t want any trouble.” Lexi scanned the crowd, no doubt looking for Kayla. She took a half-step back, instinctively seeking the shadows of a marble column. Ian doubted she even realized she did it; hiding came naturally to her, and for some reason, that pissed him off.

“Of course you’re coming,” Kieran said adamantly, and for once, Ian agreed with him. Ian guessed that they were speaking of the gathering immediately following the burial. They would be holding the traditional Irish wake at the Pub. It would be an opportunity for the friends and family of Brian O’Connell to informally panegyrize him, to remember and eulogize and say their final farewells while sharing drink and song in his memory; a celebration of his life, laced in grief but more so in fondness, and hopefully one that would remind Lexi of better times and of the fine man that had sired her.

As a bonus – albeit a selfish one on his part, perhaps - Ian also believed that anything that put him in the same physical location with her was a great idea. It would sure make it a hell of a lot easier than tracking her down later. Plus, he could keep an eye on her. Yes, his father and brothers seemed to be doing a great job of it, but she was looking smaller today. More fragile. And Ian felt somewhat responsible for that.

*

Lexi felt Ian’s eyes on her again. His expression gave nothing away, but his crystal blue eyes were as intense as she’d ever seen them. Was he angry at her deception? Disgusted? Ashamed?

Other than the looks he was shooting her way, he hadn’t spoken a word to her, nor had he given any indication that he wanted to. Lexi wouldn’t have traded last night for anything, but she wished she could spare him the awkwardness now.

“He was your dad, Lex,” Kieran was saying, his voice filled with compassion. “You have more reason to be there than anyone.”

Lexi’s breaking heart swelled. Kieran had always been her friend, her champion. She knew her abrupt departure all those years ago must have hurt him deeply, but, amazing man that he was, he didn’t seem to harbor any resentment. He had been at her side all morning, offering his quiet support. Still her big brother, even after everything that had happened.

Lexi shook her head. Kieran meant well, but Kayla and her step-mother had been shooting daggers at her all afternoon. While she didn’t care in the least what either woman thought of her, she would not dishonor her father’s memory by causing a scene. It was her love for her father that had her leaving all those years ago in the first place.

“I shouldn’t have come. This was a mistake.”

“Don’t let them get to you, Lex,” Kieran said. “Patricia won’t dare say anything around Dad, and Ian will keep Kayla occupied.”

Hearing her stepsister’s name paired with Ian’s opened up old wounds that had never completely healed; visions of Ian and Kayla all those years ago. She fought to keep it under the surface where it belonged, her face betraying none of the pain she felt.

“They’re still together, huh?” she said casually, but Ian heard the hollowness.

Kieran shrugged, his voice laced with disapproval when he said, “You know Ian.”

Yeah, she thought sadly, she did. She knew now what it was like to be held in his arms, loved by his body, brought to the heights of passion repeatedly and in such varied and creative ways. How could she ever fault Kayla – or any other woman for that matter – for doing everything she could to hold on to that?

The moment of silence that followed was heavy. Against her better judgment, she sought Ian out, finding him standing in the shadows of the little alcove. Her eyes locked onto his.

Forgive me, Ian, she begged silently.