I nodded and fought the urge to lick his fingers pressed against my freshly kissed lips.
"I'd like for you to think about what we talked about today and let that settle before we go any further. I'll be here waiting to take you to the ball on Saturday, and maybe you'll know more about what you want to do then." He slid his fingers away from my lips.
"All right. But, James, I want you to know that if you change your mind or have second thoughts about your offer, I will understand."
He lost the smile as he took hold of my face. "What makes you say that?"
"I don't want you to do anything you're not sure about."
"Oh, I won't change my mind, Winter. This is all about you and what you want." The intensity of his eyes seared right through me as I shouted out I DEFINITELY WANT YOU inside my head. I was left with no doubt that he read my mind, because he smiled again, his handsome face lighting up for me a second time. "Are you going to say anything to your family about what we've talked about?"
"No." I shook my head. I didn't want to share James with anyone yet. I needed him to be my secret for now. I couldn't justify any good reason for feeling that way, either. I only knew it was what I planned to do.
"I think that's probably best for now, but I do expect a text letting me know you made it to the island safely."
"I will."
He nodded once and stepped back, releasing me from my spot in the corner. Then he picked up my bag, punched the button to open the elevator doors, and led me to the helipad. I shivered, but I wondered if it was the chilly night air or that he was letting me go. I suddenly felt sad leaving him, even though I knew it was a completely irrational thought. I needed to sleep it off. Too much had happened in too few hours for me to even approach any sort of rational thinking.
The handover was quick and efficient, as he hustled me into the waiting helicopter.
"Thanks, man, for taking care of my sister," Lucas shouted over the noise.
"I was glad to do it," James fired back, as he helped get me strapped in and situated with the headset. I couldn't be sure, but I caught a vibe of tension between the two of them. James was close with Caleb, but I didn't recall him ever spending time with Lucas or Wyatt, so maybe they just didn't have enough history together. Our families had known each other for over two decades, but that didn't mean each one of us were close in the way of friendships.
Thank you, I mouthed to James silently as he finished with the straps.
I read his lips when he replied, "I'll see you Saturday." The added wink was just for me as he ignored Lucas altogether.
Then he stepped down and shut the door behind him. I watched as he headed away to stand in the safe zone, legs planted to brace himself against the windstorm about to blast him as Lucas brought the rotors roaring back to life.
Lucas busied himself with takeoff, and I stared out the window at James waiting for us to leave.
Our eyes met in spite of the distance between us, and I felt our connection—could still taste the cinnamon-flavored whiskey of his kiss on my tongue. I imagined he might be thinking similar thoughts as the helicopter began to rise, increasing the distance between us as the seconds passed.
James nodded at me deliberately, still holding me captive even as I drifted into the skies over Boston, his eyes telling me so much more than words ever could. "Oh, I won't change my mind, Winter. This is all about you and what you want."
Oh, I want you, James Blakney. Forever. But I need you to want it for yourself too. Because I love you.
"Thanks for letting me pick you up tonight instead of tomorrow morning. I'll get Willow and Roger in the morning, and it won't take me as long," Lucas said after we had gained altitude.
"Sure. I'll definitely appreciate it in the morning more than I do right now—when I'm sleeping and you're flying out to Providence to get them," I teased.
"How is your hand? Are you in pain?"
"Healing, and sometimes, yes. This is why I have excellent drugs prescribed by the fine doctors at Mass Gen, but it's only been twenty-four hours since I sliced it, so I'm feeling pretty good considering. I'm just really exhausted." I worked through the yawn that came on the instant I admitted my tiredness. The powers of suggestion to the mind were truly a thing.
"Good thing your neighbor was home instead of out last night."
"Umm, yeah. James helped me through everything. I don't know how I'd have managed without him." I thought it was strange that Lucas didn't sound grateful for what James had done for me last night. Again, there was some sort of negative vibe coming off my brother toward James.
"So you went to Thanksgiving with his family today?"
I nodded ruefully. "The full Judge Blakney treatment was my special treat today," I said with as much sarcasm as I could manage through the headset.
"I've heard the judge is quite the beast."
"Quite," I answered flippantly. "I really can't figure out how that odious man ended up with such a lovely wife and children, because he is an asshole."
Lucas laughed at my less-than happy recollection of dinner with the Blakneys. "How is Victoria?" he asked carefully.
"She asked me to tell you hi."
"She did?"
"Mm-hmm."
My brother wasn't a cold person. Circumstances had changed the fa?ade he presented to the world to make him appear that way, though. Not all the time, but sometimes. There was history I knew nothing about, because he dropped the subject of Victoria Blakney flat dead and focused on piloting his helicopter instead.
Which was now taking us over the dark waters of Massachusetts Bay toward Blackstone Island. Made me wonder if there were dark waters between Lucas and Victoria. Two of my favorite people, so it bothered me to think there might be any kind of grief there. Did James know what was up with his little sister and my big brother? Time would only tell.
I fell asleep to the sounds of the ocean waves melding with the coastline where my brother's house perched just above it. Well, actually the sound of the ocean plus the memory of that last kiss from James before he let me go. The combination of the two must have been good medicine for me, because I woke up feeling wonderful and—for lack of a better word—hopeful.
Losing my father seven months ago had been devastating, and we all missed him terribly still, but we had known death would eventually claim him long before it finally did. The grieving had been present then. Coming out of the long period of illness that led to his passing went back nearly two years. So while it was hard being without him for holidays, I felt a peace within myself for the first time since he'd become sick. Dad was in a better place where he didn't suffer the pain of his cancer anymore, and I looked forward to celebrating him in memory now rather than focusing solely on the grief of being without him.
The opportunity to discuss with him my idea for founding a charitable organization would have been wonderful. Dad would've wanted every detail about my plans, and his interrogation would have been painfully—but helpfully—relentless. As a parent, he made sure we worked hard at whatever it was we wanted. No slackers allowed in this family he always said. We were taught to make goals and then to work toward achieving them. Money can be lost far more easily than it can ever be earned was another of his mantras, so I guess you could say we'd all been taught from birth that we needed to know where we were going—before it was ever possible to get there.
I felt like I finally knew where I wanted to go.
How fast I got there would depend on what I decided to do about the offer from James. Could I marry him to get access to my money? My heart wanted to, but I didn't know if my conscience could suffer through the guilt of doing something so selfish.