With a nod, Cash stood up, ignoring the bewildered looks he received from the others. He followed Carson out of the den, and they headed toward Garrett and Shelby’s kitchen, where Carson made a beeline for the sliding door leading to the backyard. The night air was balmy when they stepped outside.
Carson dropped into a wicker chair and pointed to the chair across from him. “Sit.”
Cash sat, then waited.
After several long moments, Carson cleared his throat. “How’s the lip?”
“It’s fine.”
A pained look flashed across the other man’s face. “I shouldn’t have slugged you like that.”
Cash sighed. “Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t do worse.”
Carson rubbed the stubble coating his chin in a gesture of pure frustration. “Holly’s staying with her sister again.”
“Aw, fuck. I’m sorry, man.” Cash had never seen Carson look so dejected, so beaten, and his heart went out to the guy.
“Look, about that woman you and Jenny saw me with,” Carson started.
“You don’t have to explain. It’s none of our business.”
“Her name’s Angel Whittaker. She’s…ah, the therapist I’ve been seeing.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, I started seeing her a month or two before we got deployed.” Carson hung his head. “Holly and I were having problems then too. And once we got back, things just got worse, so I called Angel. She was on vacation, but I convinced her to meet me for coffee so we could talk about…you know, about everything.”
“Is she helping?”
“Not really, but I’ve realized that’s because I was talking to the wrong person. I should have been talking to my wife instead of babbling on to some stranger about how much things suck. Angel told me I wouldn’t fix anything unless I start openly communicating with Holly. Jenny said the same thing, but idiot that I am, I’m going around thinking everything will fix itself, or that having a baby might make things better. I’m an asshole, huh?”
“You’re not an asshole. Well, not all of the time.”
Carson flashed a dry grin. “Thanks.”
“So what now?” Cash asked.
“Now I try to convince my wife how much I fucking love her. I know it’s tough for her, with me gone for long periods of time, but it’s tough for me too. I love that woman to death and I don’t care if we have ten kids or no kids. I just want Holly.”
“You should be saying this to her, not me,” Cash pointed out.
“Trust me, I’ll tell her.” Carson got that look in his eyes, the determined one he donned during particularly hazardous missions. “I’ll keep telling her until she gets sick of hearing it.”
“Sounds like a good plan.”
“And listen, about you and my sister…”
He winced. “I’m sorry about that, LT. It was a total violation of guy code, I know that, but it just happened. I didn’t plan on getting involved with her, and if you want to punch me in the face a few more times, I promise I won’t even put up a fight. But…” A heavy breath slipped out. “But if you ask me to end it, I’ll respectfully refuse.”
Carson tipped his head to the side. “You really do care about her, don’t you?”
He nodded. Then he shook his head. “No. I more than care about her. I’m in love with her.”
Carson’s eyebrows shot up. “For real?”
“Yes.”
To his surprise, Carson didn’t seem angry. Only impressed, and oddly sad. “Shit, I’m not just an asshole husband, am I? I suck in the brother department too, apparently. I really do treat her like a child, don’t I?”
“Yep.”
“It’s because I’m used to thinking of her as the baby of the family, you know? And fine, maybe I still see her as a bit of a screw-up. She’s smart as hell, but she didn’t make any effort in school. She could’ve gotten As in every fucking class, gone to some Ivy League college and become a big-shot career woman, but she was always more concerned with taking pictures.”
“It’s what she loves to do. And she’s damn good at it.” He told Carson about Jen’s job interview in L.A. next week, which brought a crease of shame to the guy’s forehead.
“She didn’t even call to tell me about it.”
“Well, she’s not very happy with you at the moment.”
“What about you?” A serious note entered Carson’s voice. “Is she happy with you?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m glad then.”
“You are?”
“Don’t get me wrong—I’m still annoyed as fuck that you put the moves on my sister after I told you not to, but in all honesty? If there’s anyone I could tolerate my little sister with, it’s you, McCoy.”
Cash swallowed a lump of pain. “As much as I appreciate your blessing, I’m not sure it matters. Jen’s not interested in anything long-term. She doesn’t want everything that comes along with dating a military guy, and I don’t know how to change her mind.”
“Does she know how you feel about her?”
Cash slowly shook his head.
“Then tell her. Trust me, I’m learning that communication is a big fucking deal. Maybe if she knows how you feel, she’ll change her mind about this military rule of hers.”
“Maybe.” He suddenly remembered something. “Hey, by the way, Brendan left town.”