“What do you mean? That’s not even possible.”
“I mean what if we worked something out,” she says. “Just figured out a way. I mean we can’t run forever, right? If things keep going well with you and Gabriel, would you consider it?”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. From the woman who’s always been so strong, so steadfast. I glance across the couch at the same woman in front of me, weak in the knees and lovesick. I want so badly to reach over and grab her hands, and tell her yes, that we can figure something out. But I know that’s a lie.
“I… I don’t even know what to say, Alanna. I’m floored. Coming from you, the woman with a heart of steel. I’m just in shock, I think. Of course I want to stay, God I can’t even imagine leaving Gabriel now. But I don’t see how I have a choice. If I were to stay and Eleanore found me, it could put all of us in danger. And I could never live with myself if that happened.”
“I’m not as strong as you give me credit for, you know,” she says, blinking back tears.
“What do you mean, Alanna?”
“I mean, I’m not really a cold hearted bitch. I do have feelings. I have felt things for the men I’ve dated before. Sometimes, it’s completely gutted me having to say goodbye, to at least a few of them. I just never let myself break down in front of you. I’ve always wanted to show you that I was strong and I could be there for you.”
I lurch forward, hugging her with everything I’ve got.
“God, Alanna, I had no idea. Why would you think you couldn’t tell me that? I don’t need you to be strong for me, I just need you to be yourself. My best friend. You should be able to tell me anything.”
My own tears begin to fall and we hold each other tightly for several moments, allowing ourselves to cry.
“I just want us to have a chance at happiness too,” she whispers.
***
After all the emotional ups and downs of the day, I’m exhausted when I relax under the stream of hot water in the shower. But I’m still looking forward to my date with Gabriel tonight. We haven’t really gone anywhere in public together, and I’m nervous.
I don’t know if it’s because of him or the situation with Alanna. I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can’t leave without her, and I don’t want to. She’s always been strong for me, and maybe now it’s my turn to repay the favor.
I step out of the shower and dry myself quickly. I don’t feel the need to go overboard with picking out an outfit tonight, so I just throw on a simple black asymmetrical dress. It will get cool out this time of day, but I feel a small thrill at the prospect of Gabriel keeping me warm.
By the time I step out of the apartment, Alanna has already left to meet Nathan. Gabriel is waiting for me downstairs, ten minutes early no less.
“I need to give Paul the directions to wherever we’re going,” he says briskly.
“Well, actually, it’s just around the corner. We could walk if you want to.”
He furrows his brow for a moment while he contemplates my suggestion. Then he turns to Paul and directs him to take the rest of the evening off. He saunters up and pulls me into a soft kiss, taking my hand in his.
“You’ll freeze,” he says disapprovingly. “But you look beautiful.”
“Well, lucky for me, I have you to keep me warm,” I say.
Five minutes later we arrive at our destination. It’s an Italian restaurant in the basement of an old brick building. I’ve come here several times with Alanna and loved it. Plus the privacy it will give us is an added bonus.
Once inside, we sit down and Gabriel orders our drinks. I stare dreamily at him as he speaks in his deep, rich voice to the waiter. He’s wearing a light blue dress shirt with his gray vest, which takes me by surprise. I didn’t realize until now that I’ve only ever seen him in white and black. I watch the shirt stretch across his broad chest as he sits back in the booth, chuckling at my dopey eyed grin.
“What are you thinking about over there?”
“Just how unbelievably sexy you look in that shirt. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in that color before.”
“You’re right, it’s new. I saw it, and it just felt right. I needed to mix up my wardrobe a bit I think.”
“Well, I love it.” I grin.
The waiter reappears with our drinks and retrieves a writing pad from his apron. Gabriel orders first and then watches me attentively as I order the same dish. Gnocchi alla Rosetta.
He smiles as the waiter leaves the table. “Once again, Victoria, you are full of surprises.”
“What do you mean?”
“Picking this place. It’s not what I would have expected, at all. But I like it. And I love the fact that you can actually sit down with me and enjoy a meal without counting the carbs out loud as you eat.”
“I love food.” I laugh. “Can’t deny that. And I like it here too. Alanna and I stumbled upon it one night by accident. It reminds me of my mom.”