“Looking good in that uniform,” I say with a nod. Her blue-green eyes beam as she hops up with a full-fledged grin on her face.
“I’m so glad to see you!” She’s basically shouting, but it’s all good. I’m way excited to see her. It’s been almost three weeks since my graduation, and while I’ve seen her since, this is the first time I’ve seen her in her new Ladder Company threads. They barely differ visually from her old uniform, but it’s the symbolism behind her accomplishment that matters. The Hayes family has served this firehouse since it was built, and Royal is now officially the first woman to serve the house and she’s made the transfer quicker from Engine to Ladder than any man ever has. From the time she graduated training to the time her transfer was approved, it was less than a year. I’m damn proud of that girl. It’s something we have to celebrate. I need something to celebrate, something to care about. Otherwise, the incessant thoughts running a loop in my head won’t ever chill.
SORRY, LULU. CAN’T.
I push through the swinging half door and climb the steps to my station. Royal jumps up, and I give her a tight hug. I hang on too long, not wanting to let go, and sigh heavily.
I wish I could tell her everything that’s going on—or not going on—with me and Jameson. It’s just been so long and so much not telling her that now it kind of feels like I’ve spent the last year lying to her. She used to ask if something was going on between him and me, and I would always deny it. Because, honestly, nothing was going on. The idea of there ever being an us was exactly that—an idea. He’s never really kissed me. He certainly hasn’t slept with me. No, he’s slept with a few women—that I know of—since he and Lydia broke up, but not a single one of them has been me. And then there’s the fact that he’s been weird since they broke up, and I don’t know what to make of it.
It’s been six months and three weeks since he’s been single.
Not that I’ve been keeping track or anything.
SORRY, LULU. CAN’T.
“You look sad,” she says and pulls back, holding me at arm’s length as she studies my face.
“Why would I be sad? I’m home,” I say and flash her the fakest fucking smile I think I’ve ever worn. “I have you and the guys, and even Smokey and I are going to bond this summer. I just know it.”
“You’re a piss-poor liar.”
“Talk later?” I should know better than to try to lie to Royal. Aside from the fact that she knows me too well to take the bait, I didn’t even try very hard this time. I suggested Smokey and I would bond, which was the tip-off, I’ll bet.
“I’m gonna hold you to that,” she says and hops down the stairs before she disappears down the hallway.
Finally alone at my desk, I check out the calendar and the sticky notes that litter the space. The fridge isn’t running as cool as it’s supposed to, and apparently Ben, one of our lieutenants, is worried about that. I grab the nearest note pad and start making a to-do list according to each task’s priority level. I’m mostly through the Post-its and organizing the information in a manageable list when Jack and Lance, our other two lieutenants, approach from the hall at the back of the house.
“Welcome back,” Jack says. His nearly pearl-white teeth shine beautifully with his smile, but it’s the chiseled jaw that draws me in. Jack Hayes is just plain handsome. It’s both a bonus and a detriment that he and Jameson look so much alike. Lance, who’s a Hayes by some kind of distant cousin thing, looks little like his relatives. The two men spend a few minutes chatting before Lance heads out, leaving Jack to tap the ledge of my desk in thought.
“What do you want?” I say in a knowing tone.
“I know you just got back in town,” he says, “and I wouldn’t ask, but I’m looking at getting Hope into a different school . . .”
“I’ll talk to Claire and see if Gramercy has any openings or if she can pull some strings.”
“You’re the best.” He shoots me a wink as he heads out the front door.
“Don’t I know it,” I say and wave him off. Claire’s been teaching at Gramercy for years now, and I bet it’s no big deal to make room for one cute little girl.
I manage to be interrupted by every single person in the house at least once before noon, including the cat. It’s just one of those days, and I’m not even here for that long today, but it’s enough to be too much. From across the garage bay, I hear Jameson’s voice, and the tour schedule I was double-checking is long forgotten. He sounds tired and grouchy, which somehow makes me feel tired and grouchy.
SORRY, LULU. CAN’T.
When we got home from New Orleans and I’d asked him to come with me to the beach house for the weekend, I thought for sure that would be the start of us. Then again, I also thought it would have been the start of us before we even flew home, and that didn’t happen either.