Now I know.
Mel never told me that Lydia said shit to her, but if she had I’d have done something to make her feel better about the situation. All I knew until now was that toward the end of summer she started to act strange and pull away from me. She still thought about me a lot—touching her necklace—and we continued to talk, but she was so guarded compared to how she had been before. She only asked for space once the fall semester started, but she’d called me three times—each time when she was drunk—to ramble into the phone for half an hour about how much she wished I was there. But when she was sober again, she wouldn’t talk about it. I tried to get her to talk to me, but those phone calls were all I got with the exception of a few cute replies on Facebook. Eventually, I got the hint and backed off because I was starting to sound like a stalker.
In a matching arm chair to her left, Hennessey is leaning back in a casual way. He leans back and laughs heartily at something. Mel smiles and nods, then leans over and slaps at his arm. He catches her hand and holds it in place.
And I’ve seen enough.
The snow falls down around me in delicate waves, and I decide I kind of like the numbness that’s creeping in. Every inch of me is freezing, nerves pinched and head pounding. The tightness in my muscles and soreness in my joints will fade, though I wish it wouldn’t. The discomfort is, at the very least, distracting from the real pain.
A few miles later and I’m at my parents’ townhouse, letting myself in. Inside, I try to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake Mom, Dad, or Royal. If I try to head upstairs, the treads will creak under my weight. Dad might think I’m a burglar and try to shoot me. I wouldn’t put it past him, so I opt for sleeping on the couch. I pass the liquor cabinet in the formal dining room on my way to the sofa in the family room at the back of the house and consider helping myself to a bottle of Dad’s whiskey.
I could numb the pain and cloud reality a little bit, but part of me welcomes the discomfort. As angry as I am with Lydia, as scared as I am for what might come, I know I’m not totally innocent here. In a way, I guess I drove her to that insanity. If I had Mel next to me every night and knew she was thinking of someone else, I might do the same just to make sure I got to keep her. As fucked as it is, I can almost understand Lydia’s choices.
Stretching out on the couch and pulling over me the throw blanket Mom keeps on the back, I stare into the darkness for as long as I can before I succumb to images of H holding Mel’s hand and looking into her eyes like she’s the only person in the room.
That should be me.
The Forever Summer
Chapter 12
Melanie
The beginning of summer
The past few days are as close as Jameson and I have been in months—both figuratively and literally. Now he sits beside me in this smelly cab and he’s silent. The city passes us by in a blur, and it’s like no time has passed at all. I’ve missed the blaring horns and the screaming cabbies as they race through city streets that are marked by construction and crowded with people. New Orleans was a great experience—one I’ll never forget—but I’m a New Yorker through and through. It feels good to be home.
“Thanks for coming,” I say in an effort to break up the insufferable quiet.
“How many times you gonna thank me?” he says like it’s no big deal.
But it is a big deal. I graduated last week. My parents and sister flew in the weekend before, and that was awesome. But the real gift came when Claire dragged me to the airport the day before the ceremony and, much to my surprise, Royal and Jameson were waiting for us. Not gonna lie—I burst into tears at the sight of them. I hadn’t invited them, because it seemed selfish. Flights are expensive, and they’re busy. Especially Royal, who finally got her transfer approved for Ladder Company Number One. It was killing her, working a different house and especially working engine when she’s wanted to be on ladder since she started on the job last year. The girl paid her dues, and for that, I’m proud of her. My parents, Claire, and Royal all flew out two days after graduation. Jameson and I stayed behind for two extra days.
Two days alone that should have been bliss.
Two days that should have been filled with kissing and making love and sightseeing and exploring new territories we’ve never been to. Two days of never leaving my apartment, and two days to be us and to love one another without real life getting in the way.
It should have been the beginning.
It wasn’t.
“Until you talk to me,” I say with wide eyes and a shrug of my shoulders. It’s incredulous that he doesn’t seem to see the problem. Last I checked, he’s Jameson and I’m Mel and we’re both finally single and I’m back in the city for good and there should not be a single fucking problem.