“My turn,” he says, and the swiveling stops. No more left and right, but my stomach feels suddenly all fluttery and incapable of staying steady. Why did I ever agree to this?
“Don’t give up on us,” he says, and the smile is gone from his face. His mood falls, and he’s contemplative and quiet in a way that reminds me of my birthday. “Know that when I’m ready, I want this to happen. That when you’re back here for good, I’m not letting go.”
I’m not moving, but my stomach is jumpy and my body chills from the seriousness of his demeanor. Smokey, aka Satan, walks in and rubs up against Jameson’s leg. His tail goes straight and his ears go back. I don’t know what the heck I did to make this cat hate me, but he’s regularly coming up to me and making it clear that I’m in his house and I’m not welcome.
“Fair enough,” I mumble without taking my eyes off the ferocious feline. “Now, can you do the city a favor and get some work done?”
“Yeah,” he says. He grips the arms of his chair and pushes me back toward my desk with his still-extended foot and then stands.
“Take Satan with you.” I watch as Jameson raises his eyebrows and then bends down to pick up Smokey with one hand. Smokey rubs against Jameson’s chest and purrs like the little suck-up he is.
“Gotta be nice to the pretty blonde,” Jameson says to Smokey. “I don’t get it, man. You’re the only dude in this house who doesn’t have the hots for Lulu.”
Jameson turns around and makes his way down the stairs and then through the long hall that’s separated from the garage by a wall that was put up after 9/11 for security purposes. Ladder Company Number One hosts a series of educational programs for both adults and kids on the third floor a few times a month, so the public is in and out enough that it’s in the best interest and safety of everyone that the private and public spaces be kept separate. Seeing the wall here, obviously much newer than the rest of the space, takes me aback. I remember that day, like every New Yorker does, but being inside a firehouse makes the memory that much more potent.
And suddenly my bullshit problems feel like exactly that—bullshit. The world is so much bigger and more complex, and more terrifying even, than the tiny little piece of it that I inhabit.
The front door opens slowly, and a man in a ball cap struggles through. He has a colorful box in his arms with a paper sack on top. The man approaches the swinging half door that’s used to admit visitors and tips his head up a bit, barely meeting my eye. He lifts the box and sets it on the ledge of my desk and pulls a notepad out from his back pocket.
“Got a delivery for Lieutenant Jack Hayes,” he says. I can’t really see him behind the packages he’s dropped in front of me. “He here?”
“He’s no—” I stop and remember the rules. “Lieutenant Hayes is busy right now. Can I sign for the package?”
“That’s no good,” he says. His foot taps nervously on the concrete floor. I reach out and slowly move the box to the side, but he responds quickly and grabs a hold of it, putting it back where it was. The move surprises me, causing me to back up a little.
“Lieutenant Hayes told me to hand deliver this to him. Said he’d give me a tour of the house while I was here.” He sounds frustrated and unsure of how to move forward.
“I’m sorry, sir. House tours are the second Saturday of every month at noon and three, and have to be prescheduled. Would you like to sign up for a tour?” I check the calendar to see how many have signed up for this Saturday’s tours to see if I can squeeze him in, but he startles me by moving around the box and leaning in over the ledge of my desk. He’s got to be close to six feet with how well he sees over the ledge. When I stand on the other side I can barely peek over the top.
“It’s important that I see Lieutenant Hayes. I have something very important for him. I wouldn’t have come all the way down here if it wasn’t for a tour of the house. I’m a big fan of his work, you know.”
“I get that, but sir, Lieutenant Hayes is busy at the moment and can’t give you a tour of the house. I’m sorry.”
“Is he here? Can I speak with him?”
“I’m unable to call Lieutenant Hayes right now, sir. I can give him the package when he’s available.”
“Can you at least tell me when he will be available for visitors?”