“What?” Michael said, suddenly coming to his feet. “What’s the big deal? You guys act like you’ve never had a thing for a woman before.”
“Whether we have or we haven’t, the fascinating thing is that you’ve never had a real thing for a woman that we know of,” Eli said. “So if you do, that’s great. What’s the problem?”
Everything was the problem. That he was sitting here having this conversation was a problem. He sat back down, braced his arms on his knees and looked at the guys. “The problem is that I dumped her a few years ago. And now she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
No one said anything for a moment. Cooper looked at Jack, who looked at Eli. Eli looked a little smug as he stretched his long legs in front of him and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Women. They’re a tough crowd.”
“You can’t rely on them to think rationally,” Jack added.
“When it comes to women, you gotta play balls to the walls,” Cooper said, “or they will eat you with eggs over easy for breakfast. It’s that simple.”
“Okay. Here’s what you do,” Eli drawled. “You gotta make her want you. You gotta make her think you are the only guy out here and the one she has to have.”
“Okay,” Michael said, nodding. “And how do you suggest I do that?”
Eli shrugged. “Hell if I know.”
“Look,” Cooper said with great authority. “If you want her to come around, you have to show her you are her friend first, then a healthy male wanting in her pants.”
“Pull out all the stops,” Jack added. “They like big, fancy stuff.”
Honestly, these were the last guys Michael needed any advice from, and frankly, between their lame suggestions and the dozens of orchids floating around out there, he realized this was going to be a long damn day.
Subject: Guess What Now
From: Leah Kleinschmidt <[email protected]>
To: Lucy Frederick <[email protected]>
Time: 6:50 pm
So get a load of this. Michael sent a car for me this morning because my piece of shit car broke down, and it was filled with the most beautiful orchid plants I have ever seen. The car, I mean. Can you believe that? I thought it was so sweet until I got to work and Trudy almost coughed up a spleen. She said that was the sweetest thing she’d ever seen a guy do (and of course we had to listen to how her lousy-assed boyfriend has never done anything nice for her, which obviously begs the question of why she is still with him, to which the answer is—and I know this because I have asked—he pays the rent, basically). But then Nicole Redding comes up (yes, THAT Nicole Redding) and hears the conversation and helped herself to one of the orchids and announces that Michael often sends her yellow roses. Apparently, it is his M.O. Can you believe him?? I guess he thinks I am stupid or desperate enough to fall for it.
Subject: Re: Guess What Now
From: Lucy Frederick <[email protected]>
To: Leah Kleinschmidt <[email protected]>
Time: 9:59 am
What the hell is going on out there? Last night you wouldn’t even talk and tonight you are telling me he sent you orchids?? He’s obviously trying to apologize or something. Just let him keep trying, and maybe he’ll cough up something really cool, like earrings from Tiffany’s. Hold out for as long as you can. But really, girl, don’t get sucked in. He’ll just crush you again. Leopards don’t change their spots.
Okay, back to me. Are you really okay with chartreuse? I thought it was a little
too yellow-y.
Subject: Re: Re: Guess What Now
From: Leah Kleinschmidt <hollywoodiva@ verizon.net>
To: Lucy Frederick <[email protected]>
Time: 7:12 pm
I am SORT of okay with chartreuse. I don’t really think it is my best color, but hey, if that is what you want me to wear, I am so going to wear it.
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Guess What Now
From: Lucy Frederick <[email protected]>
To: Leah Kleinschmidt <[email protected]>
Time: 10:15 pm
So I am thinking about a really pale yellow. Almost cream-colored. I am sending you a picture in the next minute. Look at it and tell me what you think.
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Guess What Now
From: Leah Kleinschmidt <[email protected]>
To: Lucy Frederick <[email protected]>
Time: 7:29 pm
Okay, I LOVE the color. But I sincerely hope that is not the dress. I can’t believe they even make pouffy sleeves anymore, Lucy. Girl, this is the 21st century, so you have to accept it—disco is dead! And so is that dress!
Chapter Twelve
TRUDY, Michele, and Jamie were waiting for Leah Monday morning, all three of them behind new, giant sunglasses.
“What’s this?” Leah asked as she walked into their midst. “I didn’t get the bug-eye memo.”
Jamie lifted hers and squinted at Leah. “Trudy bought them for us at Marshalls. They were having a sale.”