"Uh, Sergio…" Tex scratched the back of his head. "…something you need to tell us, man?"
"No judgment." Chase held up his hands in mock innocence. "I mean, you gotta get on that horse sometime."
I raised my hand. "Can I not be the horse?"
"Damn, I think you just lost your chance." Tex burst into laughter.
Sergio bit back a curse. "Could you just stop? For once?"
"What?" I laughed. "Stop what?"
"This!" He sneered. "The happy act. Grow up!" We were chest-to-chest; his breathing was ragged. "Newsflash, Andi. You're dying! What the hell do you have to be so happy about?"
I kept my smile in place, though I felt the edges of it trembling. "Life, Sergio. I can smile about life."
"Yeah, well." He bared his teeth. "I guess that's what happens when you only have a little bit of it left, huh? Take what you can get? Use who you can use? Me included? My whole damn family is getting put on the line for your protection. Hell…" He rubbed his face with his hands. "…your life isn't even worth anything. Why would I risk mine? To save it? You're already dead."
My smile was officially gone, replaced by what felt like a face that was going to crumple into a sob in an instant. He wasn't just soulless. He sucked the life out of everything — even me — and I had to admit that was a hard thing to do. I was optimistic by nature. I couldn't help it.
His darkness was choking.
I had to get away.
Without thinking, I pushed at his chest, giving me enough space to walk away.
"Andi!" Chase called after me. Right, Chase, not my soon-to-be husband.
"May as well shoot him now," Nicolai said in a gruff voice. "Put the bastard out of his misery."
The voices stopped.
Because I was suddenly outside… running, running as fast as my legs could take me. Running through a giant muddy field with my wedding dress on.
Pieces of grass stuck to my legs.
The wind was chilly.
Freezing actually.
I wrapped my arms around my chest and let out a little sob — not because of what Sergio had said, but because of what he represented — because of who he was.
I pitied him.
And maybe a small part of me pitied myself a bit too. I allowed myself a few selfish seconds where I felt sorry for my short life.
I closed my eyes and imagined walking down the aisle of a large church. I'd have a huge bouquet of white roses — they'd always been my favorite. My veil would trail a few feet behind me Sound-of-Music-style, and the groom would be the love of my life. His smile would be so full of life that the effects of it would heal me from the inside out.
No more cancer.
Only his smile.
And it would be enough to fix everything.
He'd open his arms to me, I'd walk into them, and he'd tell me I was the most beautiful girl in the world.
I'd vow to stay with him forever.
And he'd promise to love me for longer.
I giggled at the thought and did a little twirl in the field. Then, just because Sergio had said I could only do one twirl in a two-twirl dress, I did another turn and another.
"Thought I said only one twirl." The voice was harsh and totally ruined my special field moment.
"You weren't here…" I didn't open my eyes. "…so I decided to live on the wild side."
"Hmm."
I could feel him behind me. Slowly, I opened one eye, then the other. Sergio was standing next to me, hands shoved in the pockets of his black trousers. He opened his mouth.
I held up my hand. "Don't apologize."
"Wasn't going to."
"Oh, this is new." I nodded. "So you chased after the bride to what? Yell some more? See if you can make me any less enthusiastic about my only wedding day?"
The wind picked up, causing Sergio's hair to blow across his forehead. Damn, even his forehead was nice. I briefly contemplated giving him a black eye just so I could stare at least one flaw on his perfectly shaped face.
Maybe I'd just bite him when they said "kiss the bride…" At least then, by drawing blood, I'd feel like we were on even ground. He hadn't beaten me, at least not physically, but emotionally? Well I felt pretty bruised.
"Can we not do this?" He looked at me, his blue eyes flashing. "I can't be what you need me to be. I won't be. It's not in my makeup. I'll do my duty, which is marrying you. There will be no kissing. No sex. No date nights. Nothing. I'll protect you with my life, but don't expect anything more."
"How about human decency? Can I expect that?"
Sergio hung his head, lifting his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. "You deserve that… but I can't promise I won't fly off the handle. I'm not perfect."
"Gee, could have fooled me, and here I was just getting ready to build an I–heart-Sergio altar in my closet and light some incense. Damn, thanks for killing that dream."
"I take you more for a voodoo-doll type of girl."
"And the dream's reborn!" I smiled. "Look at that. You are good for something."
"I'm not," he whispered. "Not really good for anything anymore."
Cue awkward silence.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"I'll talk about it the day I grow tits."
I frowned. "To be fair, you already have tits."
Sergio sighed.