No one laughed. Kita curled her lip. Stupid fat woman, Elly thought, always thinking of food.
“After the coloring, we’ll trim the ends and add side swept bangs.” Kita glanced at her fingernails. “You could use manicure, pedicure, brow and bikini wax, and facial scrub, yes?”
Elly started to decline but Kim interrupted her. “Yes! She could.”
Elly shot a nasty look in her direction.
“I’m pregnant” Kim said, grinning wickedly, “And therefore you will do as I say.”
Kita sighed loudly, her time obviously being wasted by their banter.
“I can do all this,” she circled her hands around Elly, implying that “this” was Elly, “for $700.”
Elly started to climb out of the torture chair. “Absolutely not! That is -”
“That’s reasonable,” said Kim over Elly’s voice. “I’m treating, so yes that sounds reasonable.”
Elly stared at Kim. “Kim! You cannot pay that much to make me look a little bit nicer.”
Kita spun on her spiked stiletto and leaned over Elly menacingly, her perfect face alarmingly close. “A little bit nicer? Kita will not make you look a little bit nicer. Kita will make you look like a new woman. This woman who steals husband will not hold a candle to Kita’s work!” Kita put a strong hand on Elly’s shoulder and pushed her back into the chair roughly. “Now you sit and let Kita work. NO TALKING!”
Kim waddled towards the door.
“Where are you going?” whispered Elly. “Don’t leave me alone here!”
Kim smiled. “Call me when you are done. All the sudden, I’m craving a turkey burger with feta cheese and a chocolate milk shake and I’m going to find one.”
Elly opened her mouth to ask Kim to bring her one when she felt Kita’s bony fingers on her chin, pushing her mouth shut. “I cannot study your face while your mouth is open. No more talking. Besides, you do not need burger.”
Elly sat quietly while Kita peered at her every pore, mumbling to herself as she went. “Eyebrows of Genghis Khan, hairline is slanted,” and Elly couldn’t be sure, but thought she heard, “Double chins.”
This is going to be a long day, she thought.
Soon, Elly was lying back in a cold hard chair, her hair being violently washed by Kita. “So, this woman, who steal husband? She beautiful?”
Elly squinted her eyes shut to avoid the shampoo dripping down her face. “Unfortunately, she’s pretty much the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I mean, morally reprehensible, but very beautiful.”
Kita roughly wiped a towel over Elly’s face. “Well, beauty is not everything. The inside, it is what counts.”
Elly opened one eye and peered at Kita, a stunning creature in her own right. “Do you really believe that?”
Kita smiled, revealing dazzling white teeth. She’s a vampire, thought Elly. “Not at all. Beauty is only true measure of success. But Kita will make you as sexy as possible.”
Elly closed her eyes and exhaled for the first time since she had learned about Lucia. “Do your best. At this point, I have nothing to lose.”
It took five hours. First there was the hair washing, coloring, and highlighting. This took two hours, for most of which Elly was forced to abject humiliation by walking around the salon with tin foil on her head like Winnie the Pooh with a motorcycle helmet on. Then came the waxing - the brows were not that bad, neither was her upper lip. There was a moment of agony, and then sweet hairless bliss. However, when Kita hoisted Elly’s naked leg up upon her shoulder and applied burning hot wax onto her upper thigh and nether regions, Elly felt a rush of fear.
“Um, Kita? I don’t really see how waxing that area will help me here. I’m positive Lucia will not be looking THAT closely at me. In fact, I just feel that I should tell you that no one sees me that closely.”
Kita moved her leg aside, grunting under the weight of it. “You not get bikini wax for someone else. You get bikini wax for you.”
“That’s the problem.” Elly quipped back. “I’m completely happy going a little more natural.”
Kita squinted down at her. “That is not natural. That is rainforest.” And with that, Kita reached down and ripped the wax off, flourishing her prize high above her head. Elly let out an unattractive howl. In the interest of distracting Elly from the searing pain below, Kita then smoothed Elly’s brain into mush with a rejuvenating facial and head massage.
“I love you,” murmured Elly as Kita softly rubbed her temples.
“So does everyone,” Kita confirmed.
Finally, after five hours of primping, pulling and the all-out torture of a bikini wax, Elly was ready. She sat with her back to the mirror, Kita putting some finishing touches on her lip gloss.