Elly ran her fingers down his cheek. “It’s not fair, I know. And you aren’t exactly like him…not yet.” She hesitated, deciding not to tell him that when she had looked at Aaron yesterday, she had seen that not only were they alike, but the same person. The same endlessly self-centered, immature person. She cleared her throat.
“However, I fear someday you will be. You are very much alike. I know that isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s the truth. You are both seekers, searching for your next big thing, your break-through.” She hesitated. “Your muse. And I cannot be that woman. I am at a very different stage of my life than you. I want a husband, children…a family. I want to go to church. You should know that I wouldn’t be good for you, not in the long run. I imagine down the road you would probably cheat on me, not because you’re a horrible person, but because I’m sure that’s where your future is heading. You need to be free, Isaac, and the only thing you love right now should be your music. I don’t want to hold you back from your deepest need, and I don’t want you to hold me back from the things I want.”
Isaac sniffed, holding back tears. “So, you regret being with me? Since I’m just like your ex-husband, apparently?”
Elly kissed his cheek. “On the contrary, Isaac, you were maybe the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
Isaac leaned back on the couch. “I don’t understand what you are talking about, not at all. I think maybe you have Tourette’s and this is all one crazy long episode.”
Elly laughed and leaned her face against his shoulder. “I adore you, do you know that?”
Isaac looked away. “Yeah, it sounds like that.”
Elly sighed. “This might be hard to understand, but you SAVED me. Before you came to my door that night, every single day was nothing more than a blank slate, one thing after another, the world moving without me in it. I couldn’t shake Aaron, not from any part of me. I forced myself not to think about him, and in the process I tuned out every feeling and emotion I had. Until there was you.” She glanced over at him and took his hand. “You, and your beautiful face. It awakened something inside me. For the first time, I felt my heart open again. I took in all the joy of you, all while sensing that something wasn’t quite right.”
Isaac shuffled angrily and Elly continued. “It was because I was reliving Aaron, through you. I was healing myself of him, through loving you. Being with you was like coming home…to him. I slipped into that skin easily, because you are so very alike. Without you, I would still be in that same place, living in endless self-pity.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Isaac. You made me feel beautiful. You made me feel loved and passionate for the first time in two years. You gave me the tools to be myself. Don’t you understand? Being with you let me bloom into the person I needed to be. You have been a blessing to me.”
Isaac’s lips curled into a small smile. “Really?”
“Really. I owe it all to you. There is no one else in this world who could have done the things for me that you have done. You changed me forever, by just loving me, in your own way.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I know that it’s not fair. I wasn’t consciously aware of any of this. I should have known better, but there was no stopping the train that was Isaac. I mean, have you looked at yourself?”
He smiled widely. “I am pretty good-looking.”
“You are.”
“But so are you, Elly. You never see yourself clearly. I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with not being with you. I…I love you Elly.”
“No, you don’t.”
Isaac sat back. “What do you mean, I don’t?”
“You love me, but not in the way that two people should love each other. You love me because of what I give you, and because of the passion you have for me. I make you laugh and your face makes my knees go weak, but that does not a lifetime make.”
“But we can work on that…”
Elly put her fingers over his mouth. He kissed them softly, making her lose concentration. “Don’t do it – no, stop that.” She pulled away. “We can’t work on it. I can’t be with someone like Aaron again. I can’t force my past with him onto a future with you. Not to mention, we are very different people. You must see that.”
He nodded slowly. “Truth: I hate going to garden centers with you”
Elly grinned. “And I hate smoke-filled jazz clubs.”
“I hate Italian food.”
Elly gasped. “Well, I hate Gene.”
“I hate Gene, too.” They laughed. I hate your band, thought Elly, although she didn’t say it out loud.
Isaac pulled her toward him. “Can we at least be friends? Or maybe friends with benefits?”
Elly made a face at him.
He leaned over her. “You know, I’ll still be your neighbor. Still close enough for late night calls…”
Elly pushed against his chest. “Stop using your sexy super powers. The last time you tried that you set your pants on fire.”
“Oh, I forgot about that,” Isaac said sheepishly.
Elly smiled. “See, it’s not meant to be.”