"This.... This marriage!"
A tear slid down her cheek, and fuck, his gut plummeted to his feet, because Adele didn't cry. Adele didn't break. And yet, somehow he'd pushed her too far and he didn't have a fucking clue how he'd done it, or what precisely he'd done.
"Adele," he whispered.
"Don't touch me!"
Malloryn sucked in a sharp breath, his hands in the air in a sign of surrender. Again he felt that punch to the gut. Or maybe it was higher. "What do you want from me?"
"The truth!"
"I'm telling you the bloody truth! I don't know what this is all about. Why are you so angry with me?"
"It's all through the Echelon!" she cried. "Your brave, dashing rescue of Mrs. Danner! They say you leapt out of the tower with her in your arms."
It had been in the papers too, but.... "Well, yes. I thought—"
"You chose her!" Her voice became a whisper. "You chose her."
A crushing, helpless little voice that ripped him open from the inside.
"Don't think I cannot put two and two together." Adele's fists shook. "The opera singer at the Ivory Tower? Me at the opera. Your guilt when you thought me dead. And I've overheard enough of what Byrnes and Ingrid were saying about how Balfour captured you. He gave you a choice, didn't he? About who to save. And you rode straight to the tower."
"Of course I did! I thought you were there. He said it was you! I made a choice, yes! And I picked you!"
"You don't make mistakes."
"Jesus Christ, Adele."He raked his hands through his hair. "I'm not infallible. There was fire blazing and every time I took a level of the tower, it set off another small explosion. I finally got through the fucking door at the top and there you were—or what I thought was you. She was wearing a gown similar to the one you'd worn that afternoon and there was a hood over her face. It wasn't until we landed in the courtyard that I knew what he'd done. Do you have any idea what that felt like?
"That's the way Balfour plays. He wanted me to make a choice, and he wanted me to rescue one of you. And then he wanted me to realize I'd saved the wrong woman as I watched the other one die."
"Then why didn't you tell me he made you choose? Why did you not tell me about her?"
"Because she's not a threat to you, Adele. I told you I ended our agreement."
"Yes, but—"
"Giulia prefers women," he barked.
Shock rocked her. "What?"
"Giulia and I have never been intimate. I wasn't in a place to take a lover when I returned from Russia. I needed a cover. We were only ever friends and it was only ever an arrangement that was mutually beneficial for the both of us. My name granted her protection from predators and men who won't take no for an answer, and I was free to come and go as I wanted."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because it wasn't my story to share. All you needed to know was that it was over." His voice hardened. "But you didn't trust me enough to believe it."
"How can I trust you when you keep so many secrets? You keep me at arm's length all the time. You only ever reveal just enough. How am I not to leap to assumptions when I don't know what is going on in your mind? Explain it to me."
"I thought I had." The words came out a little rougher than either of them expected. "I'm not the only one who hides, Adele. You take your hurt and you lock it down deep and pretend it's not there. You were about to cut me from your life, weren't you? Without even knowing the truth. I am not your father. If you want to know something, ask. I gave you my word I would end my so-called relationship with Giulia, and I meant it. My honor is the one thing I have left. Don't throw it in my face."
"I didn't."
"Trust goes both ways. You think I didn't let you in? The second you saw my maps and guessed what I was up to here, I told you more than I've told anyone in years. I let you help me. I gave you my trust, and let me assure you, that is not a thing easily won." He advanced upon her with brisk strides. "Despite my best intentions I allowed you to go undercover at Angel's Fall. Tell me how that is not letting you in?"
Adele set a hand to his chest, refusing to retreat. "Oh, your plots, yes. I'm talking about here." She thumped his chest. "Right here. I'm talking about you, Malloryn. Not your schemes. I don't even know where you've been for the last two days!"
"You needed rest and quiet—"
"I needed you."
The words shocked the both of them.
They ricocheted around the room like a cannon blast.
"Well, maybe I needed time," he admitted. "After what happened at the tower.... It rocked me too. I just painted a damned target on your chest, because Balfour knows I chose you. And now he knows how to hurt me."
"Because my death would compound your guilt." She searched his face for the truth of it.
"Because... your death would cause me pain." He brushed his fingers against her cheek, and even though she allowed his touch she turned her face away. "It's not easy." Heat filled his voice. "I am not used to.... You want my thoughts. You want my presence. You don't think I don't know why? I told you: Don't fall in love with me. I warned you from the start."
"You also told me you'd never kiss me. Never share a bed with me." Never share your heart went unsaid. "You broke those promises."
"And I shouldn't have."
Because this was the result.
Each kiss seduced both of them into... emotions he didn't have time to explore. It confused matters. Made it harder to work out where the line between them needed to stay.
Gemma had warned him.
He tried to make her understand. "For seventeen years, I have lived this life. Revenge. Power. They were the only things I ever wanted, the only things that have kept me going at times when my world was burning around me. I walked this path alone. I had to. I had nothing else to give to another. I couldn't give them my heart."
"Have," she pointed out. "For what has changed? You're still walking your path alone. You're still striving to bring him down."