“I am.”
I lifted my head again. He lay on his side, on the very edge of the bed.
“This doesn’t mean anything,” I said, trying to move away.
“Not a thing. Go back to sleep.”
His fingers started tracing paths on my back. I wanted to sigh again and settle in for some more sleep, but I couldn’t. I’d only ever been this close to Ethan. And Ethan had known and respected the boundaries I’d set to keep him safe. My boundaries kept everyone safe. Look at what had happened the night before. A few drinks and I was pushing happy like the newest drug on the street. The affirmation of my need to isolate myself hurt as much as the memory of Ethan.
“Carlos, I can’t do this. I can’t deal with what you want. It hurts. Don’t you understand? It was supposed to be Ethan.”
His fingers twitched against my skin, then curled into a fist.
“Because you loved him or because you thought you owed him?”
For the first time, Carlos sounded angry.
I tried to pull back and look at him, but his arms tightened around me.
“It doesn’t matter. I’m telling you, I can’t deal with any of this right now. Let go.”
All he did was pull me closer. His body shook.
“Bite me.”
“Excuse me?”
“If you want me to let you go, bite me.”
Last night, he’d asked me to run. I had and ended up on the ground with a big, naked Carlos hovering over me. Biting was definitely not a good idea. I could imagine where it would lead. And my very vivid imagination killed what little anger I had still clinging to my backbone.
“I’ll scream if you don’t let go,” I said. I inwardly cringed. Way to sound like a scared little girl.
He made a noise. It was a cross between an angry growl and a groan of frustration. His shaking continued.
He was freaking me out, and I didn’t know what to do about it. He had no emotions to pull and was obviously stronger. I was out of my depth with him.
“Please.” It was a desperate last attempt before I really did start yelling my head off.
He exhaled slowly then lifted one of his arms. I scrambled out of bed and rushed to lock myself into the bathroom. The cold of the tile barely registered as, with a quiet thump, I leaned my forehead against the door and released a shaky breath.
After taking a few seconds to calm down, I turned to the sink and started to brush my teeth. I took my time, singing the alphabet in my head three times before spitting. How long would it take for him to leave? The problem with not sensing his emotions was that I didn’t know if he was out there waiting for me.
I used the toilet, washed my hands, and brushed and braided my hair. Hoping sufficient time had passed, I gingerly opened the door just enough to peek out. The room was empty.
Bethi wasn’t going to get another chance for a sleepover after abandoning me like that.
I stalked out of the bathroom and bolted the door to the room before changing for the day.
Following my nose, I found the breakfast area on the main floor near the lobby. All the tables, save one, were empty. Carlos sat alone, slowly eating his breakfast of eggs, bacon, and yogurt.
He didn’t look up when I entered, and I hated the swift guilt that hit me. I had nothing to feel guilty about. He’d taken advantage. He knew I was off limits. I’d made it clear. Yet, he continued to be annoyingly intense.
I stomped over to the counter, scooped some eggs onto a plate, grabbed a milk, then purposely ignored him and went to the table near the window.
Since finishing high school, I often found myself alone, watching the world when I wasn’t so angry at it. At times like those, I would pick up the phone and call Ethan.
We’d tried working together after I’d graduated, but the emotions from him and everyone else in the bar had been too much for me. He’d come up with the cage idea after the first time I’d quit. I’d tried again, working for a few hours then fighting. It’d been great. But I’d started drawing too much attention, and Ethan had worried. Thus, I’d found myself in the white-collar employment pool, only working at the bar when I needed a fight. Still, I’d known Ethan was only a phone call away whenever I needed to talk.
It felt like we were on one of our long stretches where we were both busy, and all I needed to do was pick up the phone. If only it were that easy. I missed him.
“Isabelle.”
Carlos’ voice, so close to me, made me jump. I turned and found him next to the table. He was looking down at me, his dark eyes focused on my face.
“We leave in thirty. I’ll get your bag, unless you need to go back to the room for something.”
“Thanks.”
He looked at me for a second longer then left. I breathed a sigh of relief and went back to not eating my cold eggs.
“You gunna drop kick me into fairyland?”