I woke with a bone-cracking, muscle-pulling stretch. When I opened my eyes, I wasn’t tense thanks to Clay’s sparring the night before and the lack of people around me. However, when I sat up, everything hurt. The blankets Carlos had provided had kept me warm throughout the night, but the hard floor lacked any cushion whatsoever. I felt like I’d been hit by a truck.
“Morning, sleepyhead,” Ethan said. He was sitting at the door with his back against the wall, his blanket folded beside him.
“What’d I miss?” I rubbed my hands over my face, trying to ease the soreness from the spot where Brick had landed a hit.
“Gabby’s sober. Breakfast is cooking. And we’re ready to roll again. Guess there are some baddies headed our way.”
“Figures. How’s the shoulder?” I asked.
“Stiff. Sore.”
“I have some muscle cream in your bag. I’ll rub it in for you.”
He held up the tube with a grin. I shook my head and stood.
“Should I be worried that you were waiting for me?” I asked as I went to him.
“Yep. All that making out last night got me worked up for your touch.”
I snorted.
“Off with the shirt.”
He met my eyes.
“You can help.”
I bit my lip and reached for his hem. Despite how he was trying to play it, he was hurting bad. When I had the shirt off, the bruising made me cringe. It wasn’t good. Not at all.
Squeezing some cream onto my fingertips, I kept my eyes down so he wouldn’t see the threatening tears. Why did I have to hurt everyone around me? Even Clay last night had called Uncle before I was fully drained. He’d been nice enough to say thanks for the distraction, though I figured he was probably still mad about what I’d done to Gabby in the first place.
As gently as possible, I started to rub the cream in. Ethan sighed, closed his eyes, and tried to relax. He didn’t let me wallow in silence long.
“Did I mention you bruised the top of my thigh, too? You should rub me there next.”
“I think that older guy, Grey, might be able to help you with that. He looked like he had soft hands.”
“I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.” Ethan opened one eye to glare at me.
“Good. I call your share of breakfast.” I rubbed the last of the cream in and helped him back into his shirt.
“No way. I’m starved,” he said, standing.
I folded my blankets and carried them to the house. Inside, the kitchen smelled like sausage and eggs. Saliva pooled in my mouth, and my stomach rumbled. Charlene and Michelle stood at the sink, washing and drying dishes. Sam sat sipping coffee at the table. Clay and Gabby sat, too. Gabby had her head bent as she played with her orange juice. Her shame trailed through the air.
I snagged a plate from the counter near the stove and scooped up a healthy portion of eggs and sausage. Then, I joined the three at the table. Behind me, Ethan opened the refrigerator.
“I’m sorry about what happened,” I said without preamble.
Gabby lifted her head and gave me a red-faced nod. Guilt joined the shame. I’d never be able to keep my food down if she didn’t let her emotions go. With a sigh, I pushed my chair back and stood.
“Come on. Let’s go for a walk.”
She considered me for a moment then stood. Clay stood, too.
“No boys allowed,” I said.
He didn’t look at me. He kept his gaze on Gabby. Gabby, however, refused to look at him. When we moved to leave the kitchen, he didn’t try to follow.
“Don’t worry, Z. I’ll protect your plate,” Ethan called as the door closed behind us.
Outside, I took a deep breath and let it out.
“What I did might have killed you.”
“It was the only option,” she said.
I nodded, and we slowly walked toward the barn.
“When I was younger, I did the same thing to my parents. I’d thought I’d killed them; they were lying so still on the floor. I remember going to their bedroom and getting pillows to put under their heads. All day, I watched them, and that night, I went to sleep between them. Do you know how I woke up?”
She shook her head.
“With them making out right next to me. My mom wouldn’t stop saying yes. Yes! Yes!” I mimicked my mom’s passionate cries.
Gabby stopped walking, turned, and stared at me.
“I was so happy they were okay, I tried to hug them.” I laughed, remembering. “They didn’t even notice. It took a few more minutes to realize they weren’t themselves.” I sighed and looked at the ground.
“It took me a long time to figure out how to control my ability, how to block myself from people’s emotions. But even when I try blocking, I still feel what people around me feel. So, tell me, why the guilt and shame? Nothing about what happened was your fault.”
Her face darkened further, and her embarrassment soaked into my skin.
“I’m not asking to make it worse. I’m asking to help you through what you’re feeling because if we have to travel together, I won’t last long.”