Where the hell is Tyler?
The bedroom door opens then, stiff against the fluffy carpet. Tyler elbows it open fully and takes a step into the room, his face a little pale. I’m just relieved that he’s still here. He’s fully dressed, and there’s a small smile on his lips as he meets my eyes.
“I was just about to wake you up,” he says, his voice soft. The emerald shade in his eyes is a light green, and I know it’s because he’s calm. That’s what I’ve noticed most over the weeks that I’ve been here: Tyler’s eyes and the way they reflect his mood. Dull and light: vulnerable. Normal: cocky jackass. Dark and vibrant: he’s furious to the point where he could possibly kill someone.
“I thought you left,” I admit, realizing that I was overreacting. I know Tyler wouldn’t leave me, because I know he wouldn’t treat me like that. I hope he wouldn’t treat me like that.
He gives me a hard look, appalled. “I’m not that much of an asshole.” The corners of his lips pull back up into a smile as he glances away, almost shyly, like his ego has been bruised and he’s lost all his confidence. “You’ve got nothing to worry about.”
I spot the bright mint color of my skirt in his hands, and when he notices me staring at my clothes, it’s like he remembers why he’s entered the room. “Here,” he says, carefully placing the clothing on the bottom of the bed. He stands there awkwardly. He can’t really hold my gaze; he can only glance back and forth between me and my clothes and the window and the floor and anything else he can look at. Color rises in his cheeks.
“Are you okay?”
Finally his eyes lock on mine and his entire face flushes pink. He rubs at the back of his neck as he strains it to one side. “Sorry,” he murmurs, but I can hear the nervousness in his tone. “I’m—I’m not really used to, like, this.” He pauses for a second. “We should probably talk about, uh, last night.”
I’m still hugging the sheets to my chest, but by now there’s a smile on my lips. I think it’s the first time I’ve seen Tyler appear truly anxious and out of his comfort zone. Usually he’s so in control of situations and so confident, and now here he is, mumbling and unable to look at me properly. But then I think about his words and I immediately wipe the smile from my face.
“Was I bad?” I dare myself to ask.
“No, no,” he says quickly. He lightens up a little, at least enough to give a small laugh. “I meant more along the lines of…you know, where do we stand now?”
We exchange a long glance. He’s biting his lip, holding his breath while he waits for me to answer. But honestly? I have no idea. If anything, it’s just made our complicated situation feel all the more real and all the more intense.
“I’m not sure,” I admit. “Where do you want us to stand?”
“I’m not sure.” He heaves a sigh and stuffs his hands into his pockets, but it’s clear he’s thinking deeply about something, his face a picture of concentration. “Answer me this: do you regret it?”
“No,” I say immediately. How could I regret something I wanted so desperately? “Do you?”
“You know I don’t,” he murmurs, and then he smiles another one of those genuine smiles, the ones I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get over. He reaches for my clothes again and walks around the bed with them, stopping by my side and placing them in my lap above the sheets. He’s still smiling. “We’ll figure all of this out. Eventually. But for now, get dressed, because we really need to go. Troy-James just called and he’s on his way home.”
I purse my lips at him a little sheepishly as I hug the comforter to my body, not moving an inch. “Can you, uh, give me a sec?”
“You’re acting like I haven’t seen you naked,” he says, but it’s playful and he nods. “Be quick,” he calls over his shoulder as he leaves the room.
Once he’s gone I grab my skirt and pull it on under the sheets, still too embarrassed to get out of this bed undressed. I pull on my bra and my top and then finally step out onto the carpet, the room feeling as though it’s spinning a little. As I slip my sweater on and wrap it around my body, I press a hand to my forehead and breathe for a few seconds. I felt fine until I stood up; now it feels like my blood is poison and it’s killing me from the inside.