I have so many regrets about him, but regrets are just the pain of the past haunting you. It’s seeing it replaying in your mind and never being able to change the outcome.
My hand strokes over the scar Ryan gave me with the sharp end of his knife, reminding me every day of how close I came to death, and how dead my brother is inside. The Doctors all believed he was fixable but I can’t believe he is. Someone who was never broken can’t be fixed. Melody dislodged something inside me all those years ago, something I had put in place to keep the emotion out, but she awakened my soul and loved me in spite of my sins. I was broken, and gradually she reassembled me. I wish more than anything someone could do that for Ryan but I know it’s impossible. There’s nothing to fix inside him. The way he looked at me when he sliced into me will never leave me; it’s more of a scar than the one decorating my skin. He was a wolf and I was the hunted. He played me so effortlessly, and preyed on my love for him, waiting for the moment to strike me where it could do the most damage. He wanted to take Mel away from me. He wanted me to know he was going to kill her. He was completely empty and he wanted us to feel as hollow as he was.
I had a meeting request from his psychiatrist a week ago and I have yet to call. I hate going there and don’t want to risk seeing Ryan, although I know that’s very unlikely unless I request a visitation. But just being under the same roof as him leaves me uneasy. I’ve only been there a few times, when the Doctors want to change his medication or update me on his progress. I’m his next of kin. Five years ago our mother finally died of that overdose I used to wish upon her. The funeral was laughable. You could hear crickets from the lack of people attending but I went to make sure she was really dead. With my wife on one side and my father at the other, we listened to the priest talk a load of shit that didn’t apply to her and then watched her being lowered into the ground. I felt both relief and grief. Grief for the mother she could have been and relief that she wasn’t around to fuck me up any more than she already had. She had visited Ryan once in all the years he was at Bluewater but he didn’t request to attend her funeral.
“Blake, baby, I need to go into the office,” Melody calls over the falling water. She had worked more hours than me lately. Her Editor-in-Chief quit out of the blue a month ago and left her working his job until she finds a suitable replacement. Her once small newspaper company has grown immensely over the years, but Melody likes to keep the heart under her watchful eye. She always had a vision for the type of news she would print and always stayed true to that. She made more money than we could ever spend, sponsors several charities, and offers internships at the company’s expense. I’m proud of the woman she’s become.
“You own the company, baby. Just promote someone already so I can keep you home to ravish you whenever I choose.” I open the shower door and pull her inside. She screeches and slaps at my wet chest, her robe becoming drenched instantly.
“Let me help you take this off.” I smirk devilishly.
I keep her in there for longer then I should but I need to take advantage of our time together. She’ll be at the office for the rest of the night and I could be called into work by the time she returns.
THE DOORBELL CHIMES AGAIN, MUCH to my annoyance. Cereus hasn’t spoken a word to me all night and the usual peace offering of pizza followed by Ben and Jerry’s didn’t bring her around.
“Don’t move, Cereus. I’ll get the door,” I mock as I walk past her sitting on the couch playing with her cell phone, unmoving despite the doorbell chiming more than once.
When I open the door I glare at the kid staring back at me. He has neatly styled hair, and he’s wearing a football jersey and a smile on his face that looks a little forced.
“And you are?” I ask.
“Hello, sir. I’m Matt. I’ve come to see-”
“Me,” Cereus answers, pulling the door further open and smiling up at me with wide eyes, imploring me not to embarrass her.
“Oh, now you get up. You’ve never mentioned a Matt before. Who is he?”
She wrinkles her nose, her tell for being pissed at me. “He’s a friend from school, Dad!”
“He’s a guy knocking on my door hoping to see my daughter at ten o’ clock on a week night. I have a right to ask questions.”
“That’s okay, Cereus. My parents would be the same way.” He smiles, assuring her.
“Have many boys calling for you at a late hour do you, Matt?” I ask with an edge to my tone.
He laughs but shifts on his feet. “No, sir. But I do have a sister and my father and I are very protective of her.”
Hmmm. I kind of like this little shit’s answers. Most boys would have stuttered and fled by now.
“You play?” I lift my chin, gesturing to his shirt. His eyes follow mine and he grins, shaking his head.
“No, but my brother does. A quarterback. He left this in my car and I was cold.”
“It’s late. What are you doing here?” I cut to the chase and ignore Cereus nearly combusting with rage next to me.
“I actually came to see your wife,” he says and I scowl at him.
“He’s majoring in journalism, Dad. I told him Mom might have an intern position for him.”
“Then why is he here so late?”
“Because Mom called and said she’s picking up food and is on her way home so I text him to come over.”
What the hell? She didn’t call me.
“Well, I guess you should come in then,” I say, stepping aside to let Matt inside. I still don’t see why he needs to be here so late. This could easily have waited until the morning.
“Thank you,” he politely replies. Cereus guides him through to the kitchen and glares at me over her shoulder.
My cell beeps at me from inside my pocket and I sigh when I realize it’s the work cell.
“Blake,” I bark into the receiver.
“Braxton, we have a situation that needs your attention.”
No matter how many times I tell Bells, the motherfucker, to not use my last name he still does it. Everyone else calls me cap or captain, but that little shit likes to get on my nerves.
“Give me twenty.”
I end the call and follow Cereus and her guest into the kitchen. She’s pouring him a drink and giggling at something he said. Since when did my baby girl start giggling and being interested in boys? I stare at her, all grown up and looking like a young woman, and stomp down the urge to take my gun to every man out there so none of them can get near her. She looks like her Mom but she has my darker personality, and has never really shown interest in the opposite sex until now. She finds most people her age immature, even though she can be stubborn and immature herself at times. A perfect example is how she is with Melody lately. Melody can’t breathe in the same air as Cereus without Cereus getting upset with her these days.
The front door opening draws my attention to Mel’s heels click clacking towards us. She is so fucking beautiful, her suit jacket curling around her curves and emphasizing her womanly figure. Her knee length skirt showcases her long sexy legs ending in some seriously hot heels. Fuck, my cock is straining against my zipper and I’ve already been inside her three times today.
“You’re drooling,” Cereus snaps. I tear my eyes away from Melody to answer her.
She’s my wife, and if after eighteen years of marriage her beauty can still mesmerize me, I should drool all I want, but her angry eyes are focused on this Matt kid whose cheeks are now bright red.
“He must just be hungry, Cereus. Don’t be mean,” Mel says, and looks over at me with pleading eyes.
So the boy has a thing for Melody and Cereus has a soft spot for him! Wow. This shit I can’t deal with.