THERE’S NO ONE HOME WHEN I return from dropping Cereus at school, no note, just this empty house mocking me with the truth that we may never hear another child’s laugh grace these halls. I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe he doesn’t want another child and that’s the cause of his distance. He seems to be thawing from whatever froze over him. I don’t know whether it’s because he thinks I’ve given up the hope of another child, which I have; I’m re-taking my birth control pills. I just hate that this is his way of communicating his feelings on an idea that was both of ours to start with. I keep telling myself that can’t be the cause but it’s the only thing that’s changed in our lives. He appeared to be his normal self this morning when Cereus was joking around about Zane, and it was so beautiful to see my husband back. Maybe I should tell him about Zane and I reconnecting, and the plans we’ve made to meet up for dinner. We lost touch over the years but never stopped caring or wondering how the other was doing. Life gets in the way and people you could never imagine your life without at one point become memories you relive with a smile and a reminder to call them, and then years pass but you never made the call.
I call my accountant and busy myself with some work I do from home and then take a shower and a nap. I haven’t been sleeping well lately; the nightmares still occupy my dreams leaving me exhausted every day.
Cereus is never here, instead spending all her time with her new band mates. I’m surprised she decided to become part of Lucy’s band, since she’s only ever wanted to draw. She’s amazing and her dream is to travel and then set up an art studio. I’m so proud of the woman she’s becoming. She has a dream and a direction. I told her if she studies hard and earns her degree, I’d fund her traveling and give her the start-up funds she’ll need for her studio. Blake had a trust fund set up for her since he first heard her heartbeat on the ultrasound. She’ll get access when she turns twenty-five, and like me, won’t have to worry about money for the rest of her life. Even knowing she has money coming to her, and knowing how well off her Dad and I are, she doesn’t want to live off her trust fund; she has aspirations. I try to keep us all grounded despite our wealth, and Blake has his own fortune but still keeps the job he’s great at.
The impact of Ryan’s crimes had an impact on Blake more than me. I was a victim of a psychopath over a small time in my life, and yes the consequences were drastic and devastating, but Blake was a victim his whole life and to be a in his line of work and not see the tide rolling in where Ryan was concerned really broke him. He protected and provided for a brother he loved more than his own life, and he was played for a fool and lost a lot of himself by Ryan’s hand.
I turn over, read the alarm clock on the bedside table and moan when it reads five p.m. I only came in here an hour ago. I startle when the bed dips, and Blake’s smile beams at me.
“Hey,” I murmur.
“Hey, baby.” He tugs some of my loose hair and then tucks it behind my ear. “Did you manage to sleep?” I shrug his question off. I don’t want to get into my nightmares with him. “You smell so good,” he says, breathing me in. His lips find the sensitive flesh behind my ear, his warm breath sending chills through my body when it hits and disperses over my skin. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Mel.”
I laugh. “I’m a mess. I just woke.” I attempt to rub my tired eyes and tame my locks.
He grabs my hands. “If I could gift you one thing, it would be to see yourself through my eyes, so you can see how incredible you are, how beautiful you are and how much you’re loved and how your love is what powers me, keeps my heart beating.”
Emotions take my will not to cry, and tears leak from my eyes, falling like heavy raindrops onto my cheeks. Worry contorts his features and he moves closer, bringing the pads of his thumbs to swipe my tears away. “Don’t cry, baby. Talk to me?”
I sniffle and try to gain control of myself. “I just feel directionless, purposeless because we’re so out of sync. You’re changing or reverting, I don’t know. What I do know is I don’t know my role in this world if it’s not loving you and being loved by you.”
Kisses pepper my cheeks and eyes and I’m pinned against his chest. His hand grasps at my hair, fisting it and holding me so tight I can barely breathe, but God knows I will die here if it means we’re still us.
“I never want you to feel that way. I’m sorry, this is my fault. I did this to us.”
I pull from his hold to stare up at him and I know I must look a hot mess but the intensity he gazes back at me with makes me feel like a Goddess; he always had that ability over me. I clasp at his shirt and tear it open; I need to feel him skin to skin. I yank my camisole over my head and pull him against me. He’s breathing heavily, his eyes devouring me like it’s the first time he’s seen me laid bare to him. His lips trace every inch of skin, taking his time to suck my hard nipples into his mouth and bite down gently before blowing over them to soothe the sting. His knee nudges my legs to part for him and his hand comes up to grip my throat as his lips journey down to my swelling pussy. I’m aching, and the swipe of his tongue sends shivers through my body as his other hand fondles my breasts, pinching and rolling my nipples. I lift my hips greedily towards his lapping tongue and grind my pussy against his face; his hands drop to my ass and they hold me to him while he sucks my throbbing clit into his mouth and my body convulses from the orgasm possessing my body.
“Damn, baby, I will never get used to how amazing you taste.”
He laps at my release and brings his lips to mine so I can taste myself on him. His skin hot against mine brings calm to my soul. The head of his cock pushes against my entry and with a devilish smirk, he thrusts into me. He hooks my thigh over one of his arms and raises it up high to gain a deeper penetration. His hips dance against mine making us both writhe and moan. He turns us so he’s on his back and I’m on top of him, his delicious cock driving into me, and my head drops back in ecstasy. I grind down on him with direction from his firm grip on my hips, my tits bounce heavily and he can’t keep his eyes off them. He lifts up so he can suck a sensitive, tight bud into his hot, wet mouth and it makes me thrust against him harder and faster. Sweat glistens on our skin and aids his hands in exploring every inch of me. His arms curl around my back, pinning me to him as he drives his hips forward to meet with mine, the warm pooling in my abdomen and tightening of my pussy warn me of my impending climax.
I grip Blake’s hair and scream, “I’m coming!”
“Fuck!”
The throbbing of his cock inside me aids my release. He collapses back with me sprawled on top of him like a second skin.
“I’m going to jump in the shower. I have to go into work for a bit, if I can stand after that performance,” Blake jokes, tickling me.
Blake’s bare ass is a sight to behold as he makes his way to the shower buck naked, making me crave him again already. Even in his forties he’s toned and defined. He looks after himself and it shows in his body. His hair is still full and dark, he only has a few laughter lines that show around his eyes, and if anything it makes him sexier. I’m sated and happy for the first time in a long time. Maybe we’ve turned a corner and whatever brought the change in him is fixed or gone.
I slip from the sheets and pull my panties on. I grab our clothes and detangle them, and as I pick up Blake’s pants, a piece of paper falls out and lands on the floor. It’s irrational and out of character for me. I’m secure in myself as a woman and a wife to never think this of the man I love with my entire soul but my whole world feels off balance and scattered on the floor next to the piece of paper.
Everything is explainable; I’m not going to jump to conclusions like an insecure teenager. I place the pants down next to the piece of paper and crawl back under the covers to wait for Blake. He comes out whistling the tune of one of Cereus’ rock bands. He grins down at me and stares for a few minutes; I squirm under his inspection
“What are you doing?” I ask, trying to sound casual.
“Just taking mental pictures to look at when I’m lonely at work.”
He bends down to pick up his pants and when he spots the note he quickly picks it up and shoves it in his pocket.
“What’s that?” I ask and he falters. He’s silent and I can see the cogs turning, trying to come up with a lie.
“Donovan’s new mobile number,” he eventually says, and my heart, my world, my soul dissipate into the atmosphere. I’m frozen in disbelief. He leans down and kisses my forehead.
“I should be back before you go to bed tonight.”
THIS ONE IS NICE ENOUGH; a million times better than that shit heap I’ve been living in.
“So what do you think?”
I turn to Cereus and hold my arms open, gesturing around the place. She drops her bag to the floor and places her folder on one of the counters.