NIGHTMARES, NIGHT AFTER NIGHT TAKE her hostage in her sleep. I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to save her from a real threat that I’ve created a shift in her, sending her spiraling into the past. From trying to keep her from knowing about Ryan, I’ve fed her to her old phantoms. I pulled away so much that she’s now doing it too. I’m staring down at the woman that means more to me than life itself, and she’s sleeping in one of our spare rooms so she doesn’t wake me when she thrashes and screams. Her hair lays fanned out against the cream pillow, highlighting the strands of red. Creamy skin so soft to touch; she looks no different than she did the day I married her. I’m a lucky man, I know it, and I’m ruining it all. She’s stopped asking me if I’m coming home for dinner or what I’m working on. I’ve put a rift between us by loving her so much. I fear for her and Cereus so much that I’ve become a stranger in our marriage. I’ve neglected them as father and husband. All our plans for a new baby feel like a distant memory, a dream I dare not dream because I’m failing my wife. My phone alerts me to a work call and I quickly leave the room so as not to wake her.
“Captain Braxton, it’s Reynolds.”
“Did he show up?” I ask in a hushed tone.
Reynolds is a beat cop who I have staking out the hospital on the days I know Ryan has his meetings.
“He did, sir. He came out and received a call. I decided to tail him for a bit and he ended up at that private club on the edge of town.”
Club Nine. No way would he have the balls to go in there! Fuck, who am I kidding? This is Ryan.
“How long has he been in there?”
“That’s the thing; he hasn’t gone in. He’s standing across the street staring at it.”
Maybe he doesn’t have the balls.
“Cap, he’s been standing there for three hours, not moving. It’s creepy as hell. You want me to approach and ask him what he’s doing?”
“No. Just stay there until I get there and call me if he leaves before I arrive.”
“Roger that.”
I open the door and take another look at my wife then pull it shut again and do the same with Cereus. She doesn’t look her age, and she will always be my baby no matter how old she gets, or how dramatic her attitude becomes. From the few conversations I’ve had with Melody, I know things are improving between her and Cereus. She said Cereus has been spending all her time at Lucy’s so Melody rarely sees her anyway. I prefer her spending time with Lucy, and clearly Lucy is a better influence then Stacy if Cereus’ attitude towards her Mom is improving.
I set the house alarm and make my way to Club Nine.
My stomach feels like a bottomless pit when I pull up and see Ryan staring across the street at the coming and goings of Club Nine. Is he waiting for someone? A girl, a call girl, a victim? His focus reminds me of when I caught him staring at Melody when she had her breakdown outside her dorm. The day I made her mine. I signal Reynolds to go, and I exit the car.
I slowly approach him, taking my time to look him over. It’s been eighteen years since I last saw him. He’s filled out into a man. His hair is long and his clothes are for a younger generation, but they aren’t black, which is new for him. He looks healthy despite being locked away for all those years. The scar on my chest burns the closer I get to him and I know it’s psychological but I rub at the burn anyway. My emotions crash into me when his head turns and his dark orbs pierce me. This is my kid brother. He came into this world lacking a soul and I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t make him have one and as much as I hate him for what he did, I still love the baby I held and raised when our worthless mother didn’t.
I SENSED HIM THERE, WATCHING me. My big brother has finally decided to show up. I turn face to face with him and he looks at me like a lost puppy. He tries so hard to shut the emotions out but he can’t hide from what’s inside him, and he always had love in him. He always believed I was worth everything he gave up, even his soul at one point. Until Melody came along.
“I see that love in your eyes, brother. It always was your downfall, first with me, and then Melody.” I grin.
“My love is not a weakness, Ryan. I wear my love as armor. It protects me from ending up like you.”
“Like me? And what’s that?”
“Brutality and pain will be your legacy, and my tears will still flow to mourn you, because despite everything, I loved you.”
“You’re a fucking hypocrite. Don’t think I don’t know your past, Blake. I know about all those trips you took and how you came home with a little more of your soul stripped away.”
“I killed for you,” he says, and I have to stop myself from asking if he’s serious.
“You believed you killed my Dad for me. You didn’t have to carry on killing random people, Blake. You did it because you liked it, and the money didn’t hurt, right? Don’t blame your sins on me, it won’t help your defense if you’re caught.”
“I’ll never be caught, Ryan. Unlike you, I didn’t take pleasure in massacring people for the sake of it. You were reckless.”
I’ll give him that. I did become reckless, the satisfaction and pulsating need took over and I gave in to it, slicing those whores up like they were fresh fruit on a summer’s day.
“What are you doing here, Ryan?”
I narrow my eyes at him and lift my arms up for dramatic effect. “Oh, I’m fixed, brother, didn’t you get the memo? The good Doctor healed me after torturing me inside those brick walls for half my life.”
He swipes his hands down his face. He looks tired and underweight. “How did you get him to let you go?”
It appears my big brother has finally accepted that I was never broken to begin with, and therefore could never be fixed, so it had to be trickery or bribery that got me out, and in a sense he’s right. I tricked the Doctors into believing they fixed an ill patient.
“You look tired, brother, not sleeping well?”
“I sleep just fine.”
“And how about Melody? Is she sleeping well?”
The impact from his fist hitting flesh and bone makes my nose pop and explode a shower of blood over us both.
“Don’t say her name,” he warns.
I swipe at some of the blood decorating my lips and suck the finger into my mouth, pulling it free with a pop. “You know violence only turns me on, Blake.” I grin at him. He’s on edge and his rage is barely contained under the surface. I hold my hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry, okay? That was insensitive of me. I have no right to ask. I don’t even know if you still speak to her or not. I gather she couldn’t get far enough away from our crazy.”
I do have the right to ask, she was mine first and she will always belong to me, just like he does and just like Cereus does.
“What are you doing here at Club Nine, Ryan?”
I look over at the club and shrug my shoulders. “One of my crazy friends works here. Ironic, I know.” I smirk. “I was just waiting for her.”
“You’ve been out here for over three hours.”
He’s irritating me and apparently following me, or having someone do it for him, which is a problem since I’ve been spending time with Cereus.
“Isn’t there a law against following and harassing people that haven’t broken any laws?” I ask.
“Haven’t broken any laws? Is that a joke?”
“I haven’t broken any laws you haven’t yourself broken, Blake.” I point to the broken nose I’m now sporting, and up at a camera on the side of the building we’re standing near. “Your recent crime; assault.”